Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Mama Mia!

Original artwork By David Gilmore

Original artwork By David Gilmore

Tonight, MAMA ELSA comes back! Truly this is all I care about. This will probably be a short recap since (I know y’all are tired of hearing it and I am tired of saying it) I have felt like crap the last few days. Mostly just feverish and grumpy. :)  I have actually seen the first look where we spend way too much time getting the two brides together (with grooms in tow) to make up.  Joanna is not a very good fake crier. Her whole story about her mother seeing Adriana’s RT was bogus. I am sure her mother has seen worse.

I love that Lisa made Lenny do some lipo and that he is being a baby about it. I don’t understand how Lisa touching his shoulder is hurting Lenny’s lipo area. Also, if he is bleeding out as bad as Lisa claims he would need to go to the ER.  Hell, maybe he was bleeding that bad. Later they show him up and around and he looks HORRIBLE. Huge amounts of scary bruising and a big hole. Is that normal?

Gif Credit: RealityTVGifs

Gif Credit: RealityTVGifs

Alexia and Marysol are cleaning and saging Mama Elsa’s house and filling it with bright yellow flowers. I love that Marysol calls Alexia, “Al.”  I always wondered why the sage didn’t burn like a Biblical bush when people use it to smudge. I wonder about weird stuff.  Lea never reached out to Mama Elsa and Marysol is hurt by that.

Did Marysol say her father is a locksmith? Marysol’s father is adorable. He’s from Connecticut. He refused to learn Spanish. He’s 84. They were in the process of divorcing at 84? What is the point of that?

MAMA ELSA IS HOME! She has brain injury and is cranky. I am sad that Mama Elsa is so ill.  :(

Peter and his grandmother/shrink go to dinner for some on camera therapy. Peter did not know about his father being a criminal until he was 14. Grandma says his father was a loser and he does not want Peter to be a loser too. She says Peter has low self-esteem.  She tells him he needs to get himself together and get on with his life.

Later Peter talks to his mom at the baseball park where Peter used to play T-ball. Alexia explains to Peter she did not tell him about his father in order to protect Peter. Lots of tears.

Joanna and Romain are finally both at the sex therapist to find out why Romain is gay not interested in sex with Joanna. Joanna feels like Romain should want to fuck all the time. She says it’s up to him to “find a hole.”  Lovely. Romain wants to be romanced. Or something. She gives them sex homework.

Joanna and Romain role play at a bar. Joanna wears a wig and pretends to be Natalia. For someone who wants to get laid, she is trying to play hard to get.  They make it to a hotel room. Will he find a hole? Jesus. This is ridiculous and we really don’t need to watch Joanna reenact her fetish movies. Romain isn’t impressed either.


Adriana is planning her crazy wedding which requires all attendees to change clothes after the ceremony into “Great Gatsby Attire.”  She has Marysol planning her bachelorette party even though she is busy taking care of Mama Elsa. Lauren Foster shows up at the bachelorette and she looks so great I hardly even recognize her. The party is very tame, and very Marysol.  Alexia and Lauren and Lisa want to spice things up.  Adriana wants to burn her original wedding dress (with the price tag still on it.)  They manage to burn the dress without the fire department needing to be called. And it looks like we end it there.

Did I miss Lea on this episode? And no Anna? Looks like we see them both next week.







Filed under Elsa Patton, Joanna Krupa, Lea Black, Lisa Hochstein, Mama Elsa, Marysol Patton, Real Housewives of Miami, RHOM

28 responses to “Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Mama Mia!

  1. ZenJen53

    I think Marysols father is a yachtsman. Yea afterall these yrs why divorce now? As someone who lost their Mother recently I feel for Marysol. Nothing prepares u for the loss. Hope u get feeling better Tamara.

  2. Yachtsman locksmith tomato tomato feel better TT

  3. Lenny had something done to his arms also one had dried blood near his armpit and the other was bruised badly

    • AHHHHHH That makes sense. I noticed his arm looks weird. I thought it was just hairy. I wasn’t even thinking about a man getting their batwings done. :)

    • ThunderMonk

      Lenny probably had some low volume lipo in his arms to enhance muscle definition. The bruising was in the right spot for enhancing the definition where the deltoid hits your upper arm. I’d bet he had similar contouring done on his chest and other areas, too.

  4. Urethra Franklin

    There are not enough words to express my adoration for Mama Elsa. I loved seeing the family photos with a younger Elsa. She is a glamorous woman. And the portrait of Mama Elsa in her house could easily been mistaken for Sophia Loren. I dare anyone to insult the wise & elegant Mama Elsa in this post. #BeNice

    In my opinion Roman is the hottest husband in the franchise. I even find his eye ticks sexy. But I really did not need to see JoAnna’s vagina at the 49 minute mark.

    This was a Lea free episode so there was no over sized “jurree” to gawk at.

    And Adrianna again tells us that she only considers herself married when she walks down a church isle even though the government says she is married because she has been filing her taxes as married. Here comes a Color Purple reference, “Bitch you is married now.”…Didn’t she look like Kim Kardashian in her younger photos? I thought she did.

  5. lori

    So marysol’s father lives in ct. and keeps all of his money stuffed in a mattress. Interesting thing to announce to the world.

    I am already over the whole peter drama. I’m sorry, but I just can’t deal with him or the situation. He is a spoiled brat imo. Last week he went into a tirade about alexia not telling him about his father, and tonight, right from the get go he’s like “no problem”. Last week he said that he found out about it on the internet. Tonight he says his father told him. And I love how alexia takes him to the park to talk about his issues, but it seemed to be all about her and her issues. I don’t like her very much either, even if that may not be the popular opinion around here. I just feel like all the world’s a stage to her.

  6. Shirley

    I Miss Ana ! Tears….

    • Olive

      Me too! Why the hell isn’t she on more. And now she’s engaged, maybe next season they’ll bring her back if queen Lea allows it.

  7. Katrina

    It was great seeing Mama Elsa and I hope she is doing well.

  8. isn’t it malpractice for Peter’s grandmother to be his therapist? i can’t believe she agreed to it. seems insane to me. doesn’t matter how good she might be — need the distance and objectivity.

    • RealChicagoHousewife

      In this country what constitutes malpractice depends upon the rules of licensure in your State. I believe Alexia said her mother practiced in Spain. Their laws and ethical guidelines may be different than the US laws and guidelines. In the US it is considered unethical to treat family members acting as their therapist. I’m not sure if it is technically illegal in FL but it is at the least heavily frowned upon.

    • Katie

      It’s definitely a conflict of interest. She probably isn’t his “official” therapist but is just giving advice to her grandson (while on tv) on a delicate family matter. At least I hope it’s the case because it definitely violates professional boundaries.

  9. Olive

    Just trying out a comment – Tamara you seem to not let my comments through the other night on the Jacqueline stories. Not sure why- I never said anything scandalous lol!

    Love Mama Elsa
    The husband/ ex is a yachtsman. I did the cc’s on my tv.
    My dad married a Latin woman and never learned Spanish. News at 11. Ha

  10. I’m quite fond of Alexia and her husband. You are entitled to your own opinion, especially if you are a frequent poster here. On the other hand first time commenters who come here to defame Alexia and her children, will not have their comments posted.

    • pfffttt

      I like Alexia. Last season when she went after Karent for no reason at all, I was a little shocked, but this season we get to see more of her and I think she is beautiful inside and out.

  11. Any you guys are being so silly about Alexia’s mother. I don’t know why you think grandmothers can’t counsel their grandchildren just because they are more qualified than most to do so.

    • lori

      I commented on that following the episode before this episode. For me, it was the way Alexia said it that gave the impression that Grandma would be “counciling” him. She said that. Of course it’s wonderful that his grandmother is a smart chick who is good for him to talk to, but it sounded like she was going to be acting as his therapist. Like maybe she thought that since grandma is a psychiatrist, that that would suffice. Of course we only hear what bravo chooses for us to hear. Hopefully that is not the case and he is getting some unbiased professional help outside of his grandmother, and grandma is a bonus.

      • i have only watched a few episodes. one of them (3 or more episodes back?) alexia asked her mom to be her son’s therapist. it took me aback because i thought you weren’t supposed to counsel family. that’s what i’m referring to. she didn’t ask her to talk to him as a grandmother, unless that part was cut. i don’t have any feelings about alexia either way. don’t know any of the miami housewives to have opinions of anything other than looks and maybe voice pitch.

  12. I liked the green bowl/cup Mama Elsa was using in the kitchen ~

  13. SB

    The scene between Romain and Joanna was so ridiculous! Anyone else notice there was no Leah this week?

  14. pfffttt

    I understand Peter’s problems. Apparently he was a very talented Baseball player and that was his passion, and he was hoping to go to school on a scholarship and maybe even play professionally. He got injured and that made it all impossible.

    So I empathize with his problems. He couldn’t do what he planned on doing, obviously got involved in the wrong crowd, his biological dad is a low life, then the horrible accident with his brother and that made him feel lost… I don’t think he is some rich kid brat with too much time on his hands who decided to go out and victimize homeless people for shits and giggles. I think he was going through a very tough time.

    I’m not going to sit on my high horse and judge Alexia and her family. I think she is the most REAL Housewife out of all of the shows. Her drama seems real and not manufactured for the show.

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