Why is tonight’s episode showing up as episode 2 on my TV’s description thingy? I thought this was three and the last one. Let’s hope that is a mistake. Anyhoo, we begin with seating charts and fake scripted crap about Eddie not wanting the other wives there. I mean it’s not like these two didn’t jello wrestly Gretchen and Slade to get the free wedding spin-off.
Are they seriously at a place called Pretty Kitty to get their chuckalina’s waxed? I can see the bride having that done, but is it necessary for the entire wedding party to march down the aisle with puffy chuckys straight from a Brazilian as well? I have never been asked to wax my floors, so to speak, as part of my wedding party obligations. Though I suppose it’s probably less painful than some other parts of supporting a bridezilla. Thankfully, she has her best gay and some other dude to bear witness. Because, that happened.
She has a straight looking male florist? Is that even allowed at the Saint Regis? Well, there is also moonshine, so I may as well quit counting the faux pas. Is faux pas both plural and single? I have a fever and don’t feel like looking it up.
Diane, the wedding planner, deserves a HUGE paycheck for this. Not suprisingly the grooms side is out crying the bride’s size. (Sidenote: The RHOBH’s promo looks fantastic! Why is Yolanda being mean to Ken?)
The ceremony is very pretty. What is hanging off Tamra’s left arm? A pocket book? The world’s largest corsage? Is that part of her bouquet? I was totally concerned about the flowers the moment I laid eyes on the florist. I see I was right. Is is some sort of ginormous orchid bracelet? And the gay of honor seems to be carrying.. God only knows. Margaret Thatcher is doing the vows! That is kind of awesome! She really did need her chuckalina waxed. There is no room for pubic hair in that dress.
Oh there are some pieces of an old chandelier in the “bridal bouquet thingy” how, um, interesting. Her hands also seem to be somehow cuffed together, so perhaps the bouquet will serve a purpose on their wedding night as well. How versatile (like Eddie) ! Oh maybe they are not connected. Yet. The ceremony ends and Tamra walks back to the stairs with Eddie. I don’t know how they got her back up them. Crane? Rappelling gear? Over Eddie’s Shoulder? It will forever remain a mystery I suppose.
The wedding cake is suspended and tastefully set off with giant anal beads as a nod to Eddie. The bride’s mom walks in with a full mason jar of moonshine. I am not kidding. Vicki says she was shocked Tamra’s reception was not more like her, “mediocre.”
No cat fights everyone got along. No drama. The end!