Tamra’s OC Wedding: A Quiz (You Don’t Have to Watch To Play!)

RHOOCTamraandEddie

Tonight, I am not writing a recap. I am giving you all a pop quiz. So put on your thinking caps and get ready to answer some tough questions. Actually, it’s just two. You can do it. There is a key at the bottom.

QUESTION ONE:
Imagine you are soon getting married for the third time in your life to a super hot guy and your hillbilly family (replete with mason jars of  moonshine) and his Mexican family were all getting together to celebrate your nuptials.  You have a brother you do not particularly get long with very well. When he arrives a bit late, do you..

A) Start a conflict with your mother. Then go to greet your brother by insulting what he is wearing and make him feel like the poor relation that was a required invite. Get the first blow in.  Announce to both families that you are the most favored child. Then watch them get  drunk  on moonshine and gang up against you. Leave your drunk family outside screaming “Fuck You!”

B) Put up your best façade and smile, smile, smile. But perhaps spit in his food while no one is looking and smile, smile, smile some more. Talk loudly and incessantly about how perfect everything is. Talk to your bestie about what your least favorite family member is wearing.

C) Grab a bottle of Champagne and go down it in the bathroom. Spend some time with the kindly grandmother who speaks no English. Tell her that your Mama never loved you and didn’t hug you enough. Get a bit too tipsy and flirt with the best man. Drunk dial and ex or three and see if any of them are single at the moment.

QUESTION TWO:
Okay, picture if you will being at the St. Regis Monarch Beach in a private dining room with your fiancé who is a hot, latin guy, you are very Orange County attractive. You are being served by Motif’s Executive Chef Frederic Castan himself. You are the center of everyone’s attention, your future groom, the St Regis Wedding Specialist who is focused solely on your likes and dislikes and your high-end  personal Wedding Planner who has made the whole thing happen.   Your wedding planner is black. You and the rest of your party is white. Frederic is paid an extra sum due to his thick French accent classical French training. You have a stunning view of the Pacific.  Your  future groom, has just gently suggested that dipping your spring roll into the chilled gazpacho is poor etiquette, as the French Chef your behavior just insulted looks on in horror. You  are not well-traveled enough to comprehend English spoken in the most common of accents. What would you do?

a) Follow the lead of your more cultured fiancé and try not to make a complete ass of yourself. Drink enough to be less embarrassed without being embarrassing. End up drinking a bit more than that. Cry and tell everyone how beautiful everything is making everyone else slightly uncomfortable.

b) Ask the St. Regis Wedding Planner for a quick lesson in table manners and loudly ask her to repeat any food terms you did not understand feigning a hearing problem. State your unvarnished opinion on every item. It’s Your Day!

c) Suddenly scream out like a middle school student, “Did he call this BLACK COCK?” while suddenly realizing that your husband, while more cultured than you, seems to be really interested to find out more about your experiences with black cock.

1) A=5  B=1 C=3
2)A=3  B=1 C=5

If you scored  3-4 You are most like Teresa Giudice 8-10 You are most like Tamra.

If  you scored got three points on both questions…  I’ll tell you later.

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45 Comments

Filed under Gretchen Rossi, Heather Dubrow, Lydia Stirling McLaughlin, Not a Recap, Real Housewives of Orange County, RHOOC, Tamra Barney, Vicki Gunvalson

45 responses to “Tamra’s OC Wedding: A Quiz (You Don’t Have to Watch To Play!)

  1. Sandra

    Is there a selection for “All of the above”?

  2. The Disher

    This show was painful to watch on so many fronts. Tamra’s apple did not fall far from her family tree. i have to say, though, I thought how her brother treated her was disgusting and abusive.

  3. MrsKH

    Oh god, Tamra is such trash. I’m sick of watching her and Eddie pretend that they are actually paying for this wedding.

    • YouOldMattress

      I know! Eddie keeps asking about the budget, but isn’t Bravo paying for it? Isn’t that the reason for it being on TV?

      • Bravo doesn’t exactly pay for it, they get sponsors to donate their stuff to be on TV. They may have to actually pay for a few things here and there. In all fairness Kim Z did the same thing. If they say got it free it’s not “stuff rich people buy” any more.

      • Surely to god Bravo made them fake the stupid moonshine stuff. I don’t know if that is better or worse.

      • YouOldMattress

        Thanks for clarifying that Tamara. I always thought people got free weddings when they went on TV.

  4. 6 points if i had to choose. my choice would be none of the above so i guess i just don’t have what it takes to be a bravo housewife. haven’t seen this episode yet (pacific time here). tamra is no spring chicken. i’m 54 so i don’t care much about food/drink rules any more. if the gazpacho looks like the better dip i’d try it, too. why the heck not.

    • BECAUSE YOU ARE AT THE SAINT REGIS! EATING IN FRONT OF THE CHEF! Sorry. Not yelling at YOU just the situation.

      • well, jeez, i hadn’t watch it yet!
        shortribs aren’t exactly haute cuisine! yelling at that! LOL [yeah, right, eddie knows his food. pretty sad.]
        that show was a disaster. if they’re hosting something they need to know how to get control over this kind of situation. her brother is a pig. i’d have thrown him out.

      • I agree Chris, I am a bit googley eyed at the St Regis. BUT If you just look at the food… The ONE THING Eddie wanted was a latin dance and Mexican food. I realize they are at a European Style restaurant with classical French chef. But spring rolls, gazpacho, short ribs and black cock?

        I have never even heard of black cod. I do quite enjoy a finely presented black cock though.

      • don’t know about the st regis, but the bellagio does a fabulous black cod. it’s a very light moist buttery fish that takes well to many other flavors. [speaking as someone who doesn't really like fish beyond salmon.] nowadays fine french is very asian influenced so definitely not the place for fine mexican food.

  5. eg

    Tamra is like a open sore or wound that refuses to heal. I don’t know which is a bigger spaz, her or Tre G. She (Tamra) finds fault with everything and everybody damn near. It’s like she is allergic to being happy. She is so damn insecure, I wonder how long this “marriage” will last. Slade & Gretchen will probably stay married longer than Tamra (whenever they get married).

  6. Gingersnap

    Tamra is WAY out of her element. She wants classy because classy is something she has never had, but she doesn’t know what to do with it when she gets it, so she reverts to her trashy ways. Heather Dubrow she’s not. Her brother was way out of line, especially since it was so friggin true, but still, he shouldn’t have gone there. Some idiots don’t care that there is a time and place for everything, and a fancy, rich soiree, ain’t one of ‘em. I can see why Tamra really thinks she hit the big time, with roots like hers. Carting around mason jars full of moonshine? I find this comical and weird. At this point, I really don’t care to know any more about her family. They are a bummer to the whole fantasy vibe, which is why I’m watching this shit. I like to look at the stuff.

    • i was taught that a classy person does not talk about how classy she is compared to other people. with that kind of ego (or lack of self esteem), i’d say heather is not exactly showing class herself. the beautiful table she had for a special dinner for tamra was still a pleasure, tho.

  7. Kate

    The only interesting part of the show was when the dog made friends with a skunk and did not get sprayed. What a nice dog.

  8. TT I like you have never had black cod but I have had plenty of black cock and its quite delightful

  9. guccinara

    i dont know if they will ever show tamras wedding over here (UK). Quite frankly I dont want them to. i dont know why bravo agreed to this show, its just diluting the brand, soon we’ll be having spin off specials to celebrate its Tuesday. Its her 3rd wedding for goodness sake, how many more wedding days does she need? i would be that simon was the same way as eddie at this stage of their relationship and how did that turn out? sorry to put the dampners on but this aint gonna last. utter time wasting and a waste of cake. why does eddie want to be tied down with all her baggage?
    and does eddie still have those ugly fang looky like teeth? please somebody have a word with him about keeping his mouth closed when he smiles.

  10. TT fan

    Greatest blog you have written and you did it half dead. BLOG Pulitzer, anyone.

    5-7 score…should be: your not a real fan or you are avoiding acknowledging the real character of these people.

    Get well soon.

  11. Katherine

    But I want to know what if we scored 3 points on both questions! My answers were none of the above but if I had to go with an answer, it would be those 2. Wahhh tell me! Being whiney cause its too early to be winey. Even for me.

  12. I just watched the rest of the ep. I got distracted half way through by football last night.

    The st Regis scene pissed me the hell off. I was seething at her low rent ignorance and unapologetic classlessness. It’s one thing to be a hick and own it. It’s another to offend people who are obviously your betters. Just the epitome of an ugly American.

    Btw, I think eddies best man is his lovah. During the Vegas weekend they just lit up upon seeing each other.

    The moonshine thing? That’s like totally hipster at the moment. And she’s too dumb to know it. She said it looked like pee? It’s clear. Champagne? That kinda looks like pee. She’s just such shit.

    • Shellbelle

      I’m with you on the lover thing.. Maybe Eddie is using Tamra’s bawdy behavior to distract from his obvious sexual preference.

  13. ptnurse

    Too true about Eddies teeth, been wondering about that also…..the whole show was a real ‘shit show’….there is no class anywhere near for tamara!!!Laughing out loud at the comments here!!!

  14. ptnurse

    Still laughing at the black cod/cock!!!!Never had either yet!!!

  15. I like fangy teeth. And his are very healthy looking.

  16. Tiffers

    Hi Tamra, love the blog but find myself less interested in your recent topics. Seems every other blog is a trial or Big Brother this or that. Your writing is why I return but I got to ask you, is there any way you can watch and write on some shows that are different? Maybe, I’m being rude or unorthodox for asking. I’m just a fan of your blog and would love your thoughts on shows that I watch if at all possible? Maybe Madmen, True Blood, Dexter, Ray Donavon, Project Runway, Interior Therapy, Design Star, How I Met your Mother, anything Gorden Ramseys involved in, you get the idea. You don’t have to post this, I just was curious what you thought of any of these shows. Apologies for the long post/ request!

    • I was not sure where to post this ..We have a missing dog, in this neck of the woods. Tallahassee is so close to GA, AL, not so far from SC. There is a web page Come Home Breaker, he is a two year old Aussie with a chip. His parents have had Doggie Amber alert calls made, the entrance to the schools are filled with signs. My son put it allover FSU and TCC. I truly believe someone took him and he is out of the area. Perhaps casting a wider net .I-10, 90, are minutes from his home. The FL GA is close. I know it is a long shot but if possible please post the link. Breakers family worked for two days to reunite our weather crazy Katrina rescue with our family.
      BRING HOME BREAKER

  17. Tobaccorhoda

    About Heather and class, can someone tell me why she couldn’t find room in her 10,000 sq ft house to have her luncheon except in her foyer? Complete with cheesy pink curtains blocking the stairs? wtf?

  18. Tamara, I really think you need t branch out. Can you blog C-Span, The Yule Log and The Weather Channel?

    • I am sorry my blogging has sucked lately. It will probably get better when I stop puking and crying all day. Again, I am everso sorry not to cover what you want to read. It will of course be my priority to cater to your every fucking need when I feel better. Please expound on you list so I and get right on that, cunt

      • Puravidacostarica

        I am convinced something is up astrology wise in the world. So many people I know are struggling right now. Damn, even the reality TV folks are getting hit with shit right now. I just keep saying to myself -/ this too shall pass. I hope that is true for us all, including you TT. XOXO

      • mrs smith

        Well said! Love it! Amazed at the absurdity of some people. Good for you for not taking it!

    • I HATE the yule log! It’s always so happy and shiny and never has drama, dammit!

      Only kidding. But, damn, your comment was so funny, I am still laughing.

      PS: Isn’t it disgusting how the Weather Channel (!) now has dramatic reality shows on it? WTF? All I need is the fucking WEATHER. Unless the weather channel is now owned by Bravo?

      • SB

        They probably assume you are getting your weather info from your phone or computer, like every other person in this country.

      • I like flipping to weather when I’m watching TV. Also, the local Weather Channel station that just shows weather ll the time with no people has the bet music to nap by ever.

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