Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Why Won’t These Men Fuck Their Women?

RHOM3.2Tonight on Real Housewives of Miami, I love knowing that Karent is watching every week at her parents house wishing she was still on. Is that mean?

Romain takes Joanna to see their new house. She hates it. Until she sees it is on the water. The view is awesome. Romain refuses to sleep with her.

I can’t imagine Alexia going by Al. LOL I love boys names for girls but Alexia is such a Cuban Barbie.  They are meeting with a tarot card reader. I love this show. I also sort of believe in this. Shut up. The card reader says  Mama Elsa  is going to be fine but that some old woman around fifty has done black magic on her. LEA BLACK IS A BLACK WITCH!

Lea’s house design continues. Lisa is there looking for designers. Lisa looks for an excuse  to recap last week. Sigh. I hate these staged, sponsored scenes.  That said, I know that Adriana used Lea. I just kind of think it is funny.

I can't stop laughing at Joanna or PETA for this.

I can’t stop laughing at Joanna or PETA for this.

So we are at sex therapy with Joanna. If you look like Joanna Krupa, and you are not getting sex either your boyfriend is gay, or he is seeing someone else. Neither is a good option. (sorry dog walk break. kinda a scary one)  Marta isn’t really into Joanna’s wedding. Because Romain doesn’t fuck her.  The sex therapist says she emasculates Romain by calling him the girl in the relationship. The therapist is stupid.

Is Lance Bass some sort of convict or deplorable person? Because she seems drawn to them. Oh no! He is a radio DJ now? So she is just out for publicity. It’s time for the Black Gala.

Meanwhile, why do I not have a free media subscription to Alexia’s Venue magazine? I want. DM ME ALEXIA!  Anyway, Venue is having a party and I was NOT invited. lol. But it appears to be drama filled before it even starts.

RHOMjoannasleptwithamillionpeoplegifJoanna and Romain seem to have a horrible relationship. Clearly, Romain despises her as much as I do. No straight guy would not fuck Joanna every night even if he hated her, so why is he marrying her? For the show? He clearly gets it elsewhere often.

Adrianna and Lisa talk about why Lisa is not getting laid. Jesus Christ, is all that plastic surgery not paying off? Are all of their men impotent?  So Lisa confronts Adrianna about lying about his wedding. Adrianna keeps changing her story. It’s all bullshit. She is MARRIED. It is public record. Everything out of Adriana’s mouth is a lie. I am not a Lea fan, but clearly, Lea is telling the truth in THIS situation. Adrianna asks Lisa to be a bridesmaid.

Lisa skips the Venue to focus on sexy time with her husband (on camera). Lea literally begs Alexia and Herman to come to her gala. Adrianna and Fred show up at the Venue party. As do Romain and Joanna. Later Romain attempts to confront Fred ( I would really rather call him Marq) in broken French about his fiancée who he can’t bear to fuck being the victim of Adrianna’s physical attack. Look, I don’t like Adrianna but I just don’t think she hit Joanna hard enough. Clearly no sense was knocked into her. Adriana is screaming at Joanna that Romain is sleeping with a Columbian girl. Marq wants to clear the air that Lea never gave anything to Adriana while she was with him and she agrees WTF?

LOL Ana is there and Lea is pissed. I love Ana. It appears there may be a blow up next week. Instead of going to Lea’s gala, Marysol  Alexia, Adrianna and Ana go to a gay pride event. I love it!


Filed under Ana Quincoces, Elsa Patton, Filming Real Housewives of Miami, Joanna Krupa, Lea Black, Lisa Hochstein, Mama Elsa, Marysol Patton, Real Housewives of Miami, RHOM

18 responses to “Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Why Won’t These Men Fuck Their Women?

  1. Puravidacostarica

    Yeah I agree. There is something wrong if your husband doesn’t want to fuck you (particularly if you had a body like Joanna’s). Not that a man gets a pass if a wife has a body considerably different than Joanna (as I do), but I would be seriously up a PI’s butt if my hubby stopped wanting to do me on the frequency that he does now. Sorry… Over sharing again. Mea culpa.

  2. Frederic wanted to go say hello to Romain. Roman refused to shake his hand and said “fuck off”. Weird.

    The Johanna thing: maybe she is just REALLY bad in bed. That would not surprise me at tall.

    • Puravidacostarica

      Maybe Joanna needs to attend a certain class that another housewife offered on another show. A girl’s got to have “skills”. LOL

  3. pfffttt

    Why is Lea on this show? She is not very “Miami’ish.” She is too old. Ana should have been a full time Housewife… and why do they keep saying Ana attacked Lea’s son? She did NOT. Lea claimed that the dinner that Ana and her daughters had with her ex was “socially awkward” in a blog, and Ana was responding to that.

    Ana is being painted as a bitch this season. Did she piss off production?

    Also, I have to say that Alexia is the most beautiful Housewife out of all the franchise. She is great, and surprisingly turning out to be one of my favorites, even after I kinda thought she was a bitch to Karent last year.

    • pdt090

      There’d be no plot if they had kept Ana over Lea since it’d take out the biggest conflict of the group. I found Ana kind of boring and while I don’t like Lea, Ana’s attacking her at the last reunion was really OTT and such a non-sequitor that it seemed like a desperate last attempt at getting asked back for another season.

      • pfffttt

        They could have had a sixth Housewife. Ana attacked Lea, because she heard that Lea planned to go after her at the reunion. Ana came prepared and blew Lea out of the water. Everything she said was spot on. Lea wants to make everyone think she has made millions on some cheap Beauty products she puts her name on. LOL. She got her money because she married a high profile defense lawyer that represents every rich murderer and rapist in South Florida. LOL

    • Brillke

      Lea is my favorite housewife. Ana’s story was boring. I think they need to add Rosie Odonnell or Gloria Estfan as a housewife.

      • Brillke

        Forgot to say I really didn’t like the house Roman picked out for Joanna. The backyard was ok but everything else was terrible.

  4. There’d be nothing left but teeth and toenails…. sultry as she is… but, alas, and, alack… she’s just another drama queen…. Edgrrr…

  5. pdt090

    I’m loving that the last two episodes have each featured reels calling Adriana out on her lies. Will this happen on every episode from here on out, I wonder?

  6. Could it be that Joanna is just really, really boring in bed? I mean, she’s an awful person – boring, self-centered and DUMB. It doesn’t surprise me at all the Romain isn’t into her. He clearly has his pick of women and some of them are probably just as gorge as Joanna but with personalities that make sex more fun. Now, why he’s staying with/marrying her? NO IDEA.

  7. For those of you who belong to the trial watching group, here is an interesting tie to RHOM…Lisa Hochsteins tear down is the house connected to a very important and infamous murder case in FL. The case is the Joe Cool murder case. Jake & Kelley Branam were residents of 42 Star Island , they and 2 crew members were murdered by their charter clients. (Would not have happened to Capt. Lee).

    The lasting impact is the ability to procede with a murder trial; without bodies or weapons. This appears on the FBI page, Murder on the High Seas. Additionally, there was a case, in which Sissy Baby Sport Fishing was sued for not checking baggage. inference being Capt. Lee is the man. This case did set standards. I made the connection while researching Goodwood Plantation and survivorship at sea laws. This is a legal and forensic important case.

  8. Maybe Joanna is too drunk most of the time to be a skilled lover.

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