Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: They Should Have Packed Jesus

RHONJposhePerhaps that kid of Melissa’s is the smartest one in the family. Clearly, the girl knows how to pack for a mandatory Bravo retreat. I can’t think of anything better to bring besides Jesus, the Bible and a unicorn, unless it is a bottle of Chivas. Oh Rich brought a case of booze! And y’all say Rich is worthless.

Bravo did a great job with the bus. Everyone needs a bus with a stripper pole, it is over a three-hour trip to the lake. Melissa may have made an excellent point. Maybe the reason that Teresa hates Melissa so much isn’t because she is overly attached to her brother as I have previously thought. It’s the fact that in her eyes, her brother Joe is a great guy and she is jealous that Melissa who she was never fond of to start with has a great marriage, and Teresa has a lying, cheating scumbag. See? I am learning stuff from this Retreat by Bravo already.

I was looking forward to the three-hour bus ride with everyone on the very large bus but it appears that Teresa and Joe are riding up alone. You know Teresa had to make that a demand because Bravo would have loved six hours of bus footage.

Cute scene with Caroline and Albert.

Scene with Jacqueline and the prop child.

RHONJtrepeaceWho knocks on the entrance to a hotel? Joe Gorga does a great job walking in and kissing his sister and saying “what’s up?” Juicy Joe.
Everyone settles in and it is apparently hot in the “castle” but Juicy Joe and Teresa are both still in their coats chatting on the couch. Juicy Joe points out that autism is not such a bad disease and that some of them are, like, scientists. Which is pretty much true and possibly the most profound line Juicy Joe has ever delivered in a New Jersey guy kind of way. Teresa says he doesn’t understand autism and then apologies for him in her talking head basically saying he’s not mean, he’s just stupid.

OH DEAR GOD. Dr. V is coming. After taking a minute to process, Dr. V may just what they need. Meanwhile, I hate “team builders” and jobs that require people to play games with colleagues and each time I hear those words I throw up a little bit in my mouth.

I already want to punch Steve in the mouth. I can only imagine what the Joes are feeling. Jesus, Teresa why bring up Jaqueline? Don’t you have enough bad relationships in the room? I am so not in the mood for all these grown folks bitching about the same things from two years ago.

Joe calls Teresa scum and it’s time for the Joe throw downs. I am not entertained. I do happen to know that the fight was not scripted at least between the Joes.

Oddly, the only interesting things said all night were from Rich. First, he pointed out that Jacqueline’s tweets did not mention names just ‘moron’ which Teresa assumed was about her. And then when Juicy Joe came in, Rich peed his pants and yelled. Back up! Back up. Between those two comments and Juicy Joe’s intellectual look on autism that was pretty much all there was to see.

84 Comments

Filed under Albie Manzo, Chris Manzo, Gia Giudice, Jacqueline Laurita, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Kathy Wakile, Melissa Gorga, News, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recap, Teresa Giudice

84 responses to “Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: They Should Have Packed Jesus

  1. We Found Love in a Hopeless Place

    Somebody, anybody, answer me this question: What TF does Tre have to do with Nic and him getting treatment? Jac and Chris were specifically talking about Nic and Jac brings Tre’s name up. She blows a head gasket at the mere mention of Tre’s name or when Tre says her name, but she obsesses about Tre constantly. I’m confused.

  2. Beverly

    Melissa said she didn’t want to talk about Jac. She didn’t want to talk about someone who was not present. I find that a bit hypocritical since they all talk about Teresa all the time when they get together. Teresa’s never present when they all gossip about her. Well, not so much Kathy.

  3. Popcorn and Vodka (@popcornandvodka)

    Dear Bravo,
    Please come up with a new storyline. We need a new plot. You are giving us the same damn episode every week. I’m bored. I don’t give a damn any more. GIVE US SOMETHING NEW.
    Thanks, and I still love you Andy.

    Popcorn-and-Needing-More-Vodka

    • Mina

      I am sooo over this madness. Maybe after the fight, we will get some relief. Then Jac who is in love with Tre, just has to check into a sanitarium to get de-obsessed (new word, like it?) of Tre. Maybe then we can watch the cray crays do something else with our hour watching them. Why is Kin D still allowed on here, with her duckbill lips? She should go the way of Kin G. And that troll Jennifer, I hope they didn’t give her the listing. She is nothing but a S____ starter. ( I am at wk, so I can’t cuss).

  4. Jennifer N

    Thanks for the recap TT. I can’t watch this show anymore. It’s the same thing every week. It is funny that everyone in their scenes cant do anything without mentioning Theresa! I want everyone to turn on Melissa already!

  5. What creeps they all are. They really think this is an intervention. The only one with any god intention on the stripper bus was poor retarded, sober Rosie. What’s with Kathy blaming Teresa for their parents not getting along? Did Teresa somehow make those awful words come out of Kathy’s mouth at the reunion?

    I loathe Richard. He’s a horrible person who hates and is jealous of anything he doesn’t understand. And he does not understand a lot of things.

    • LMV

      Why is Kathy’s word any worse then Teresa’s? Teresa called her cousin a “piece of shit”. She also said that Kathy’s deceased father was not there for them as much as her own father. If as Kathy said, she went to speak with her Uncle and he left the room without listening to her, then perhaps he is a jerk and not a coward. I don’t care how old he is.

      • Really not the same thing as saying her father is a coward and her mother is a liar. Not sure why anyone would put those things on the same level.

      • LMV

        I see your point. Saying your deceased father is a deadbeat is nothing like calling someone a coward. And yes, she should have said your mother is “mistaken” once again, but liar just just slips off the tongue.

      • Did anyone watch the first look tonight on Bravo? Wow. They need to start testing these people for steroids.

      • lori

        I just watched it. Don’t want to speak my feelings about it as I don’t want to spoil the fight for those who maybe don’t watch the first look, but all I can say is I now like Melissa even less.

      • No one said deadbeat. That’s your spin on it. But sure. You can lie and trump me. Have at it.

    • MonkeyFighting

      Agreed!

  6. Excellent blog! Yeah this is getting way old but the fight action looks exciting. Best line was Juicy asking Tre if she noticed how tan her brother was. Marone Mia, those two have man crushes on each other.

  7. sasha

    Rich feeds off drama. He gossips more than any man I know. He involves himself in the family drama far more than Kathy. She was quietly standing to the side, while he was stirring the pot. Rich rolled his eyes when the teambuilding guy said he had 15 years experience in the field. Maybe it was his comment about just returning from the middle east, the got Rich going. Rich is from Lebanon.

    Oh yeah, and why does everything smell like fish to Rich.. he smelled scallions during the paper/rop exercise

    Melissa made a silly comment on regarding the way the team builders looked. Something to the affect of “what can Opy and Little Miss Sunshine do for us.” Hopefully, they will display their skills a little better next week. It seemed like Melissa was auditioning for an acting part. And she was so far in Tre’s face I thought Tre would hit her.. Wow! Melissa said she wished Jaq and Caroline would’ve come, they would be an extra voice or something. Did she need backup.

    Jaq., well I don’t even want to go there. When I close my eyes, I hear her daughter Ashley. I see no difference in the two.

    I agree TT, Rosie and Joe Guidice were the only sensible ones there. Well, until the fight. I’m not a violet person, but, little Joe needed to be checked.

  8. Why would a simple thing like Jac not being present be a reason for Teresa not to bring her up? Hell, how many times has she not been present and her name been brought up?

    • sasha

      Tre’s name is brought up in almost every conversation (when she’s not present). I wonder what Melissa will say or think when she sees the footage with Tre, Kim D, and Melissa’s friend at lunch. Tre said, she didn’t fell comfortable with the conversations about Melissa. Melissa just assumed Tre was the one talking sh.t about her.
      But, I doubt, Melissa will give Tre credit for standing up for her.

      • Gingersnap

        You may be very right about that@sasha…that KimD instigated that whole deal with the blessing of the production teamsters. That KimD is a piece of work. She encouraged the whole gossipfest with Melissa’s ex-friend so Teresa would have no choice but to sit there and listen. Truth is, Teresa should tell KimD to quit starting shit, but I can see how that will won’t happen. It’s very important that KimD be allowed to shit stir, that’s what Bravo signed her on for. She’s kinda skanky.

      • Gingersnap

        *won’t happen*

      • digal704

        I doubt it too!

  9. Twilly

    Thanks for the recap TT. I often read your blog before deciding whether or not to watch the episode. I think I’ll pass on this one. So tiresome. What they fail to realize is that they are ALL terrible, each in their own special way.

    • Sorry for posting under your comment, but TT, GUESS WHAT IS COMING BACK…. SISTER WIVES is new next week!!! Go get your wives on! There is scandal and drama coming to NW Vegas and their names are the Browns.

      • I love that show!! Have watched from the beginning.

      • Shellbelle

        I love that show!! Oohhhh… You have shade to throw on the Browns?!? Do tell ( if you can)

      • RE the Browns, I have met them a few times and I say the same thing, these people are simply not happy people. They believe the lifestyle gets them to heaven but in all honestly they just do not care for each other. I have zero judgement on their beliefs, none, but if that is what being an FLDS member is about, they can keep it. Their kids are super sweet though and seem to be extremely well adjusted, I guess this is what they know. They go to school with some of my neighbors friends so that is my experience with the children. I have seen them (wives) at Walmart, and I swear, they just always have the sour puss on. I too love the show but in real life, they are some moody bastards.Kody, I think he is a pig. Met him at a book signing and he was less than “spiritual’ around me. Thats all I am saying…

      • @Isabella – Oh the facade for me didn’t last long. You can tell the wives truly don’t like one another. That’s part of the fun for me, seeing how they try to cover it on each show. I also loved how blunt the kids were at the news of another baby (when Robyn was pregnant with Sol).

      • Shellbelle

        I am fascinated by them… They fight with Kody, they fight with each other, and still they stay. I’m also fascinated at how much it must cost to keep ALL those households running… I guess TLC foots the bill for some of that, but it’s hard keeping 1 afloat, much less 4!

  10. lori

    Can Rich be farther up Joe’s and Melissa’s asses? He is so immature, I can’t take it. What was the deal with Rich’s talking head where he says that Teresa doesn’t upset him or Melissa either “because the truth of it is that “we” could give a shit about her.” I found that very odd. He completely skeeves me. Talk about a wash woman.

  11. lori

    Bravo sure it’s milking the hell out of the joes fight. Cha Ching!

    • I think maybe the Jac talk may because she ends up coming up to the retreat when Tre calls Caroline and begs her to come? It has been so long since filming I forgot whether my source told me that Jaq went. I think if she did I would have put it in my spoiler.

  12. AlwaysALady

    Poison is an A1 BI. Melissa is clearly a hoe & has always been (I understand its nit good for relationship book). Rich is a simpleton. I was angry Juicy didn’t kick A1 BI in his face(he’s always starting).
    I’m getting tired of this BS. Just replace the LOSERS with Tre’s “new” friends.

  13. Tango

    Joe Giudice is the only man sayin it like it is. Joe Gorga is a little moron. If you can’t even refrain from name calling on camera at a retreat designed to help you discuss problems openly and civily, you’re a loser. The Gorgas refuse to take any responsibilty for anything, Melissa pouts like a high school girl. If I was Teresa I’d dislike her too.

    • I find it hilarious that you expect them not to engage in their normal behavior at an event. They’re openly calling names when done on camera :D

    • kym

      Funny, I think Tre isn’t taking any responsibility. She wants them to tell Jacqueline to stop talking about her, when she sat up there at the table and let Melissa’s so-called friends talk smack about her. Tre wants something Tre, is not willing to do for Melissa.
      Tre thinks everything one she bow down to her and Melissa did it – but Tre even missed that point because she is focused on getting her brother to act like husband, even though he has a wife and kids of his own.

      • Tango

        I’m not talking about what should be said or done when one lady in a scene starts gossiping, that’s Bravo storyline. As long as Teresa or Melissa don’t lead or add to the gossip, who really cares. I’m talking about in scenes like this one, where it’s Teresa and Melissa face-to-face. Melissa won’t give an inch or even be real. (Remember her bitchy tude at the bead place…) There’s just no real emotion or common kindness there. Teresa is screaming and crying, Melissa is posing and pouting.

  14. Laurie in NYC

    I see the Tre fans are out in full force. I’m not a fan of anyone on this particular show but I can clearly see that Teresa is the problem here. She blames everyone else, never takes responsibility for her actions and is constantly stirring the pot. Its not Jacqueline’s fault that Tre and Poison are estranged. I totally think Teresa started it and stupid Melissa has been passive aggressive and likes to keep things in the negative in spite of what she says, I think it was disgusting for Melissa and Cathy to jump on Tre’s bandwagon and join RHONJ but its done and Tre needs to get over it. Instead she’s talking smack about everyone. No one else can be successful, Tre & Joe are better than everyone and take childish behavior to a new low. Their children should NEVER hear anything negative about their Aunt. Its about RESPECT. Tre wants and expects so much respect from everyone else but she doesn’t give it in return. Teresa is the common denominator. I would like her again if she would just own up to what she’s done and apologize. Right now, I have no respect for her. I hope they sort through it though. Sad for the kids who are adorable and impressionable and need to be taken out of adult issues.

    • I am so over the Gorga/Giudice feud. I was hoping that Bravo would cut Kathy out this season, and bring in one new unrelated cast member but that didn’t happen :( Personally, I wouldn’t want my family drama played out on national tv and it’s not like Kathy or Melissa seem to be hurting for money. I’m not sure why they don’t voluntarily walk away from the show. I understand why Teresa doesn’t, she has had financial issues, has gained profitable exposure from the show, and she’s also an original. Kathy, Melissa, or both need to bow out gracefully. Enough already.

    • Mina

      Exactly, Laurie. I’m with you.

  15. SB

    I am soooo over Melissa riding around on her high horse like she has the perfect life and the perfect husband, perfect everything…..I would love to know what really goes on at her house behind closed doors!
    LOL my husband walked by when Melissa was bowing and yelling at Tre’s feet, and even he was like, “Wow these 2 are still going at it? What is this like 6 seasons of this already?” He doesn’t even watch the show with me and even he is like wtf.

  16. peachteachr

    Lots of Tre lovers here so expect some blowback. I use to love all these shows until they became the same. Different faces but same drama. Oh, and the product pushing would drive anyone over the edge.

    • Laurie in NYC

      Agreed! I am so done with the CONSTANT product pushing! I watch all the RH shows and have not purchased ANYTHING that ANYONE has pushed on me. I’m disgusted by the constant need to shove their crap down our throats.

      • LMV

        Me too! I wouldn’t stand in a line to meet any of these people. Wouldn’t buy a book, much less hair care products (really).

  17. Gingersnap

    Teresa demands in her loud, shrieky voice that her brother Joe, “get balls, be a man, and stick wit (she said wit) your blood.” She means herself, first and foremost. SHE is Joe’s blood and it’s like she really expects Joe to make Melissa take a back seat to her STILL, and it really galls her STILL that he doesn’t, and won’t. This has been her MO since day one. There is nothing new under the sun here. The man keeps telling her he dislikes her because of the way she treats his wife, but it goes in one ear and out the other, because it’s not what Teresa wants to hear, therefore, she doesn’t hear it. So simple, even a moron can do it.

    • Laurie in NYC

      So Right!!!! Teresa only shrieks like a maniac when she’s been called out or caught in a lie. She keeps saying “Melissa can make it better if she wanted to”….not sure how. I believe that Teresa has her soldiers do her dirty work and then sits back and plays dumb. It seems so obvious to me. Teresa wants to expose Melissa in the worst way. She tried doing it and that blew up in her face, now she has others do it. SO WHAT if Melissa was a stripper. Get over it already! Teresa needs to own it already.

      • Urethra Franklin

        And the self admitted stripper in the the family is Joe Gorga! It’s ok for him to shake his junk for $$$ & not be judged as a skank, but not Melissa?????

      • Laurie in NYC

        EXCELLENT POINT! Double standards!

  18. karen (@kreim)

    I find nothing redeeming about Ritchie he is a pig and should be off the show. Little Joe Gorga is the garbage and scum that he calls his sister. Who does that – what brother with any love in their heart for the parents and sister would say those things. I enjoyed this show until they brought on Melissa and Joe Gorga and Kathy and Richie. Melissa will do anything for fame. I just can’t stand her. I am sick of two years of lets all pile on Teresa. All it shows me is they are all jealous of Teresa.

  19. Darla

    I’m really confused over Tre’s strange obsession with her brother.I married into an Italian family,so I have 25yrs.experience with the crazy family drama,but Tre acts more like a jealous wife trying to save her marriage to her Brother! I cant help but wonder if there has ever been an incestuous relationship between Tre and her brother. I mean who is that obsessed with their sibling, and I can’t help but laugh when Tre says that Melissa is brainwashing Joe against her.Joe isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but he can see,as we do,that Tre says what she wants,feels and even fabricates but the woman can’t or won’t take responsibility for anything she says or insinuates.Her poor children don’t stand a chance,poor Gia just looks depressed and embarrassed in every shot.

  20. sammiejane

    RETREAT? More like a joke…. Teresa’s squawking about JL (YAAAAAWN) by the third round it got boring! I think Rich is funny as hell (though I think he should use Vicki G. from the OC for orthodontic work… he would only have to fuck her once!… he knew to bring booze at least! That will please Rosie! Of course when he tells his wife to shut up he tweaks a nerve with me…. Have to admit I am looking forward to the fight next week! $50 on Joe Gorga! I would love to to see “Juicy (vomit)” Joe with another black eye or even break his own teeth doing gymnastics drunk… GREAT parenting skills on that one, Joe! Those girls must be proud! It is forever archived, dumb ass!!!

    • I don’t think he reads here.

    • Tango

      Really? I think Joe Giudice is pretty scrappy, but he’s more of a puncher than a charger..lol

      • sammiejane

        Tango,

        So true and alcohol fueled makes him a sure win! I may resend my $50 bet!! LMFAO

    • lori

      I’ll take that bet! I totally think Juicy can crush Joe Gorga. And for the record, my warm fuzzy feelings for Juicy continue to grow.

      • sammiejane

        Teehee, lori. You may get my 50 LOL!!!! Wait I have to vomit a bit on “fuzzy feelings” you have! Hahaaaaa To each his own and I respect your feelings. :)

      • lori

        I know Sammie! I am very surprised myself over the whole Joe Gudice thing. I never really disliked him to begin with, although I was well on my way there last season. This season I am really enjoying his interactions with his daughters, as well as how supportive and protective he has been of Tre lately. Anyway, thanks for not holding it against me. Lol

      • sammiejane

        Unlike some posters…. I feel we are entitled to our own opinions and I don’t judge. To be honest, I use to think he was a cutie until he made the “c” comment about his wife (among others) to obviously another female. But no worries, I respect your posts! ;)

      • lori

        Oh, I haven’t forgotten about that whole c*** scene, because besides the using word, it was so painfully obvious that there was a mistress on the other end of his phone. Last week when I first stated that I am becoming a JJ fan (blush) I mentioned that that scene bugged me, as my heart really felt for Teresa. I have been there. That said, I have also long ago forgiven the man who did a similar thing to me (called me a horrific name to someone else behind my back as well as cheated on me. Not all rolled into one like that scene, but still…). I will never forget it of course. He was the same kind of macho Italian as Joe. Mine was from the Bronx… “Frankie”. I was with him for years. I think I was actually more hurt by the name thing than the cheating thing. IDK… Not that it’s excusable, but some of these guys stupidly use that word like the rest of us use the word bitch (not that I would want my SO to say that about me either, but many people seemed to be really upset about JJ calling her that name specifically. As for the cheating, well, people forgive each other for infidelities every day. As I also said in my other post, if Teresa can forgive him, then who am I to condemn him for it? It’s not like any of us are personal friends of hers, and even if I were, God knows I have overlooked these sort of things in my real friend’s significant others enough times over the course of my life. I like seeing the “softer” side of Joe.

      • LMV

        I am sure they have gotten Juicy some “handlers” in the last year! I can hardly wait for his history lessons each week. Napolian syndrome and Autism. Physics next? I just can’t wait to hear Teresa say “I have never heard of that!”

      • sammiejane

        LM~effffin~AO…. you pegged that one!!!! :)

      • Urethra Franklin

        I think he’s being extra super nice because he is facing a prison sentence. Plus he has to be nice to the wifey if he wants conjugal visits.

      • sammiejane

        Hey, Lori,
        Sorry, so late to respond. I have been away. But back to your comment about Frankie…. if it is any cancellation I had a cat named Frankie Two Balls… he miss behaved… He is now known as Frankie No Balls. LM~effin~AO…. hope that helps you a bit… :)

  21. sammiejane

    Sorry, just getting to this rerun…. First, really Joe? Scallions? Get your own deodorant… Second, they ask me to jump on a piece of construction paper my 125 lb ass would bump someone and a brawl would ensue…. Bad team building exercise you freaking experts!!!

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