Below Deck Premiere Recap: I Can’t Stand Sam

BelowcastTime to check out Below Deck Bravo’s new summer show that is on when you should be watching SIBERIA. So DVR it. Or watch the second showing. I am always in to consider a show that takes place on a boat traveling the world. Thankfully, I am on the healthy diet plan and alcohol is not on it so this reduces my chances of booking everything I see.

We start the sailing season off in St Martin (the French part of the island) I am already longing to book a trip. Perhaps I should not watch a show as I JUST got back from the Caribbean! Onboard ship, everyone is working hard to prepare to ship out the next day. Well everyone except for Kat and Sam. Sam is using half of her thumb to share the size of her dogs penis. They laugh and laugh while everyone else is spit shining the brass. The penis conversation continues into the human realm.

Sam’s parents own a catamaran and this is her first trip. The Chief Steward, Adrienne is no nonsense and Sam thinks this is just going to be just like going out on a catamaran with her daddy. This will be an issue.

Lee is the captain of the ship and Aleks will be his first officer. Lee tells Aleks that he knows he has been a captain before but to set that aside because on this ship, Lee is it. Aleks looks creepy. It’s not that he is unattractive, he just looks like a prick. You know how you can just tell? Well I am calling it now.

Lee calls his first meeting. His first rule is knowing the chain of command. Do not go above the chain. (Implied: Don’t bring me your petty bullshit.) Next rule no socializing with the guests, you are here to serve them. You are not their friend. Remember your station. No drinking on the boat. No drinking at work.

BelowSamBen the chef is confident and arrogant but in that you still want to like him sort of way. Sam the rank newbie is a moron who doesn’t seem to know her place and is rude as hell to Adrienne who is her boss. I would fire her before leaving port.

The clients are photographers on some sort of shoot. They are gay. Quite gay. Blair at 40 gay. And Sam is getting them WASTED. They seem like fabulous people to party with. They drunkenly decide to use the crew in the photoshoot tomorrow. Adrienne is present when the guys start to size Sam up for the shoot. They ask Adrienne about the uniforms and she brings up some Asian tunic uniform they have and goes to try it on to show them. Adrienne and Sam are not essentially competing for the modeling shoot. During dinner the photogs all go do some coke. Kat finds coke on the back of the toilet while cleaning. The big drunk gay guy is also high on coke. This keeps the cute overnight deck swabber dude from swabbing and anchor watching and doing his overnight duties. Big gay guy’s name is Something Eyelash. Let’s just call him Eye since he is committing felonies on the high sea and suggesting that our young deck swabber prefers “crack whores” because he is from Maryland. Ironic since Eye is high as a kite on coke when he makes the comment.

Kat tells Adrienne about the white powder residue on the bathroom counter. Adrienne tells Lee and the boat is being turned around. Kat is very scared about having to serve them as though nothing is happening. Eye goes looking for someone to tell him when they are arriving at St Barts. Kat is crying. Deck boy is consoling her telling her she did the right thing. As he put , “Last night big boy was up drunk off his ass til all hours of the night. If they are going to be up drunk and high every night with their cocks hanging out, what happens when one of them falls overboard?”

Best line of the show. There is a big of a conversation between Adrienne and Eye about lighting being a huge issue for his shoot and how this is a huge problem. Adrienne says she will let the captain know.
Eye: Is there any sausage out here?
Adrienne: Sausage? (three beats) Yeah. Absolutely.
Moral: In the gay world, sausage fixes everything.

Until they redock in St Martin. And they all get unceremoniously kicked off. Then the entire boat has to be scrubbed from top to bottom to remove any traces of drug residue. Sam decides to nap instead while everyone else works. Sam doesn’t see the issue.

Because the crew works for tips, and they obviously did not get any, Ben cooks up all the outrageously expensive food for a dinner party with the crew.


Filed under Below Deck, Bravo, News

41 responses to “Below Deck Premiere Recap: I Can’t Stand Sam

  1. Tamara

    I watched it. I’ll probably watch it again just because it looks to be another bravo hot mess , while getting to see other parts of the world( well hopefully). Adrianne needs to grow a back bone and put Sam in her place. And not while they are drinking at dinner but during the work day. Sam is annoying. Kat is gonna be a drunken hot mess it looks like :) should be fun!

  2. otherpeoplesproblems

    I like Sam! I think she actually is smart, she has like an engineering degree or something and worked an office job, but she’s still young and moderately attractive so why not work on the boat for a season or two? I like Sam cause she’s smart but doesn’t have to shove it in everyone’s face all the time like Adrienne.

    I thought it was so inappropriate for Adrienne to call out Sam at the dinner party. You can tell she only did it to exert her power and remind everyone that she’s HEAD STEW and Sam is the most inexperienced. Adrienne is an insecure woman in a position of power and is jealous that Sam is cuter and more likable. I think we’ve all had female bosses like that. Or at least I have, and not that everyone’s jealous of me but women like that are so annoying. I’ve encountered them in retail and hair salons, and they are always bitter that salon manager is their forever career and it’s only a temp gig for me while I pursue something else. They get competitive over everything and are also super petty, like I had a boss who reprimanded me for 15 minutes for saying “that’s cool” to a client on the phone. You can tell that’s what’s happening between these two.

    I like Aleks too! I think he knows how to be a good boss and would never reprimand the boys in front of others.

    I didn’t want to like this show but I kinda do. I like it way more than Princesses which I have stopped watching.

    • You think it is appropriate to say “that’s cool!” to a client? Just out of curiousity, how old are you?

      On Tue, Jul 2, 2013 at 9:25 PM, Tamara Tattles

      • Joan

        LOL…I was just thinking that!

      • Let’s not judge now, perhaps she did get in trouble for saying “that’s cool” because the bitter salon manager was very jealous of her.

        BWAHAHAHAHAHA. um sorry. I think TC is on vacay. I would normally just wait and let her have the blood on her hands…

      • otherpeoplesproblems

        hahaha oh my! i got so much shit for this comment. To clarify, I just turned 16.

        That’s a lie, but I have revealed many times that I am younger than many of the commenters here. I say cool a lot, that’s just the way I talk. I’m really… laid back. And people respond to it. My last customer service type job I was really encouraged to be myself, cools and all.

        As soon as I typed my comment I realized it sounded like I was full of myself, which I am not at all. I never jump to play the jealousy card, I’ve just seen females in middle management positions act a certain way. That’s all.

      • Gingersnap

        I’ve said “that’s cool” to clients/customers over the telephone and I’m a lot older than OPP. I wouldn’t say it to just anybody, but sometimes you can get a feel for people and it’s cool.

      • Monihew

        TT agreed! If I am spending around 300K per week for a private cruise, I want my butt seriously kissed – and this includes calling me Mrs…………………..

        Thank goodness I am poor and this will never be an issue. : )

    • James

      Wow, you sound almost as insufferable as erica and her mom on princesses LI. As far as sam, she’s attractive in the way that she’s the best looking among her peers (other engineers ) like blossom for instance from big bang theory. Yeah compared to her she’s hot
      But in real life her face is to big and manly and her nasty disrespectful attitude does not help

      • otherpeoplesproblems

        Is Erica the short one or the drunk one?

      • James

        Ericas the drunk one who thinks. Guy like her because she’s so pretty and doesn’t realise it’s really because she’s an easy whore. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m in no way saying you’re a drunken whore. But the convo between her and her mummy, I mean mother, where they insisted basically that all guys want her and all girls hate her because they’re jealous of her beauty reminded me of what u said originally

    • Joan

      Hi Otherpeoplesproblems – is your real name Stassi by any chance?

      • otherpeoplesproblems

        It’s not but after reading the rest of the comments it seems like everyone has the same thoughts on Adrienne being a poor manager.

        Maybe it was my delivery?

      • No worries OPP, you’ve been around long enough to know we are a bunch of old biddies that speak our minds. (see how I am now drawing the attack off you? I’m cool like that) PS did you watch Catfish? go see the new post.

      • otherpeoplesproblems

        thats why I like this blog Tamara!

        it’s good to have young’ns around occasionally because I know the dirty sexual lingo you post sometimes without googling it

    • boobosie

      Sam is most definitely NOT cute. She looks like a “gym teacher”. I would fire her ass in a heartbeat. It’s one thing to be lazy and drag ass at your job, but then to be a smirking smart ass to your boss is unacceptable.

  3. Good blog, dreadful show. What is wrong with Bravo?? This and the Jelly slut show, slipping.

  4. KWM

    Awesome! There was some funky stuff going on, St. Marteen to St. Barths on a 120 foot boat would have only taken at the very most 2 hours, not an overnight voyage.

    But other than that it is spot on. I am loving it. Sam has owner syndrome, but I think she has the potential to come around. Kat is the typical sailor, there is a reason why all events are sponsored by rum! We do love to drink. Aleks, jury still out on him, my feeling he is confusing having his captains license with actual experience. Living CJ, Eddie and Ben (is that the chefs name?). Poor Adrienne, ugh, I have met many a girl like her, she thinks in order to gain their respect she needs to be a bitch and condescending, when really you gain respect by giving respect. Nothing makes a boat more toxic than calling people out on their shit in front of everyone else.

    As for the drugs, not that shocked, I would be more worried about one if them falling overboard than customs. Clearing customs on a boat is so different than the airport. But still not a risk I would take.

    I have work watching and in case you guys couldn’t tell I am a sailor and worked on boats and now work for a sailboat design company.

    • KWM

      Ugh, muppet fingers and iPhone not working tonight

    • I thought the same about the time, but the started on the French (North) side and had a dinner cruise and such…. I mean if you are renting a boat for 300K you want to spend time on the boat. :)

      On Tue, Jul 2, 2013 at 9:49 PM, Tamara Tattles

      • Joan

        I watched the show since Sam appeared to be the twin to my step daughter. And, she is! How about that? I never thought I would ever meet/see any one else with such deep rooted entitlement issues – and a total disregard for authority or employment rules/regulations, etc. I know being a Stewie, or whatever they call themselves, are free spirits, but come on, who in the world takes a nap in the middle of the day when everyone else is working so hard. Ugggg – I agree with everyone else though – Adrienne is a new boss, obviously she hasn’t read any management books nor thought to find a mentor – but you NEVER ream out an employee in public, or in front of a crowd. Once you do – it’s just downhill from there.

        I will continue to watch, just to see if Sam learns anything, or gets fired.

  5. pischina

    Adrienne is seriously lacking in management skills. She’ll never survive or thrive the way she is now.

    I would fire Sam too, but then I’d immediately take her home with me and get her drunk. Oh sorry, dirty old lesbian, over and out.

    I liked the show, but mostly because who wouldn’t want a job like that (when we were young)? I think it’s going to be interesting to watch and a good bunch of characters.

  6. ViVaLaDiVa

    don’t tell my husband but i think i might be in love with overnight deck swabber.

  7. eg

    i like this show also. i like all of the crew except Sam. I know she’s young but she has a lot to learn in the manners dept. Maybe eventually she will. The show is visually beautiful, the boat, locations, I wish I’d had a job opportunity like that when I was young. It looks exciting. I will keep watching because its interesting (to me) to see how the rich or wealthy live and play.

  8. Gingersnap

    I thought this show was good enough to warrant a few more episodes before I completely make up my mind. There are more guys and they are much better looking than those jewish princess skanks, which I won’t waste my time on anymore. Who cares even remotely?

    I wouldn’t have busted anyone out over some cocaine. Maybe someone will be kind enough to educate me why it’s worse to get shit faced drunk and fall off the boat, or get shit faced drunk and cocaine high and fall off the boat (not withstanding one is legal and one is not.) I’ve never done cocaine, but messed up is messed up. I think most people underestimate how deadly alcohol can really be. Although anyone doing illegal drugs should have the good sense to keep it on the lowdown too. Sigh. I guess I just think people have the right to do whatever they want as long as long as they are peaceable about it.

    On the commercials they were talking about a “white powder” and my poor little brain went to anthrax, not cocaine. I felt pretty let down…lol.

    I’m probably missing some salient point as to the cocaine and why they had to turn around and go back. If anyone knows and it’s not just because the crew is worried about someone falling overboard, please do tell. TY.

    • pischina

      They kept talking about losing their license over it, so I assume that if the Coast Guard searched and found it they could get charged for trafficking (depending on amount) or just lose their sailing license period. They did say there is a client contract that states a zero tolerance, so if the passengers had any brains they would have kept that shit locked up like normal coke fiends do.

      I also thought there was some sort of anthrax scare from the previews. I was like, Oh, just cocaine??? But it turned into an interesting, awkward storyline.

      • Gingersnap

        Oh! Good information and makes sense. I don’t know where I was when all that was being discussed. I must have been in the bathroom or sunthin 😉

      • Gingersnap

        I had an after thought…I guess the captain takes a chance then every time he goes out to sea because they aren’t checking their client’s bags for illegal drugs, and these are rich people and they can afford all the dope they want. Shoot, if the Coast Guard did stop them, seems like there would be plenty of time to flush the stuff down the toilet. I’m doubting too many people get drug busted while yachting on the high seas. I think Bravo played us. Over and out.

      • Ginger, the boats go through customs when island hopping just like (well not just like, but let’s say like) air travelers do. If drugs are found on the boat, and remember they have no idea how much coke the dudes had, but clearly enough to sprinkle around nonchalantly, they could be considered drug traffickers and all sailors will be held accountable. This could be a career ending issue for the crew and open them up to criminal charges.

        That said, with Bravo you never know how much is staged.

        On Wed, Jul 3, 2013 at 3:01 AM, Tamara Tattles

      • KWM

        Ginger you would be surprised just how many boats are stopped and search for drugs, especially in the Caribbean. And they board you fully armed, like as in full on assault rifles. They bring everyone on deck and line you up and then they search the boats top to bottom. It is really scary the first time and I have no doubt those guests would have been shitting their pants had it happened.

        Also clearing customs in a boat is much different than at an airport, as you are coming to port you hail the harbor master as a courtesy, then depending on the country, you dock at the official customs area or you hail customs on the radio and wait for them to come to you. While waiting no one is to leave or get on the boat (although that doesn’t always happen) and depending on what time you arrive you could be waiting for customs for as much as 12 hours or longer depending how many agents there are and how many boats there are. The longest I have waited to clear customs was 26 hours. It was painful as we had been on the boat from Bermuda to Antigua, which was 14 days straight on the boat and by then we all wanted to kill each other.

        Because of how customs works, people think smuggling drugs by boats is the way to go, since there is normally time between arrival and clearance to get anything off the boat. When in reality it sucks as boats are getting boarded and searched all the time by the governing countries equivalent to our coast guard, especially in the Caribbean.

        As the Captain you are responsible for the entire boat, I have no doubt he was more pissed at what would have happened if they were boarded, over someone going overboard.

    • LOL, are you for real?? I have done cocaine a long long time ago, hum, 25 yrs ago. It was expensive, addictive and excellent and I was lucky enough to realize that in time and quit.

      • Gingersnap

        Hey Isabella ~ If you were talking to me about never using cocaine. Yeah, I never have used it, not ever. I’ve been offered a few times, once when I was in my early 20’s and I remember thinking to myself that I would probably like it waaaay too much. I actually used some good sense, which to this day, astounds me. I was offered it a few years ago too, and of course by now I’m much older and wiser and had to decline. Actually, by this time I figured I’d be one of those people that would have a heart attack and die on their very first try. Jeeze, sometimes I’m no fun. I have smoked pot though, so I’m not a TOTAL square!

  9. eastjames

    Loved the show! It looks like the restaurant business on a boat! I was hoping, Tamara, that you would jump on the recap bandwagon of this show. Thanks for a great job once again.

  10. lori

    Preview episode and episode one coming on at 2:30 pm today, Wednesday. I’ll be watching. 😉

  11. John

    Sam’s attitude is awful! I don’t understand her allure Her cro-magnon chin is so distracting. I say this because she is so full of herself and believes her “beauty” sets her above the rest. I assume she gets attention because of her height and the shape of her body but I guess men are overlooking her face. I shouldn’t talk about someone’s aesthetic, but ego can be annoying especially when it’s uninstantiated.

  12. John

    I meant, not instantiated.

  13. Renee

    I love sam! Shes like me stubborn. So what if she complains, atleast she gets it done! My favorite is Kat! She is a comedy riot! Very outgoing! Those too will be bonded now since their talk about sams sisters death! Poor Sam.
    Your sister would be proud! Kat is right! Yall two need to stick together!!!

  14. Cora

    I don’t like Sam either. She seems like a lazy, spoiled rich kid. Every time she has to complete a task related to her current job on the yacht, she starts talking about her engineering degree. Just do the damn laundry, it’s your damn job! When I was waiting tables, I didn’t start telling people about my microbio degree everytime I had to bring food out.

    I feel bad for Adrienne,

    I used to like Kat, but now she strikes me as an irresponsible, petty, spiteful child. the whole crew was certain she was drunk–who cares if you take anxiety pills? You’re still not supposed to take more than the directed dosage. So she got f’ed up drugs instead of booze–she still put Adrienne in a difficult position. And she did try to co front Kat in private–Kat just lied to her. If Kat had told her the truth at that point–all the rest could have been avoided.

  15. CCC

    I just want to smack that smirk off Sam’s face.

Please Read the COMMENTING RULES before commenting.