It’s time for Newlyweds! I had so much to say about RHOOC tonight I am way behind and having some DVR timing issues so this may take me awhile. We begin with the Indian chick, Tina (?) who is worried that Tarz does not find her hot anymore. She has him on a sex schedule because she is trying to get knocked up and he is not feeling it. I think he may just not want to tell her he is not ready yet. They JUST got married a few months ago! Cool your jets Indian chick! She has HUGE eyes. Did you know your eyes are the size they are going to be when you are born? I keep imagining her as this big bug-eyed baby. Tarz is trying to say he is busy with work and needs to get through some projects done at work before he knocks her up. She is bitchy.
John is selling his beloved pool table to make room for the baby. John wants to hire people to do the manual labor. The painter friend has him cutting in. That is not a job for a newbie. I don’t know why the wife insists that he actually do the painting. That is ridiculous. Meanwhile, the tanning beds are not working at the salon. Kathy runs straight to John and then bitches when he takes over and says he doesn’t think she can handle things. Well, babe, clearly you can’t because you are running to him. Also she is pregnant and should not be in the room breathing paint fumes, their gene pool is questionable enough without further contamination. Also, I really dislike their cookie cutter house. His dad is Dean her dad is James so they are naming the kid Dean James. Because even thought James Dean is a billion times better, it puts her and her father first, and we can’t have that. I hope he goes by DJ.
Blair is drying off after the shower with towels they used to dry the dog and can’t figure out why everything smells like wet dog. Jeff seems into him in his little polka dot outfit. Ohhhh Jeff just lied to Blair when he asked what he was doing today. Apparently he is going to see and estate planner! Jeff had no idea that Blair got a financial interest by marrying him in California. Jeff wants to keep his real estate separate. This planner is good and is explaining to Jeff that he needs to either treat the property like a business or treat the marriage like a marriage. Jeff doesn’t trust Blair. This is bad. :( The next day, Jeff tells Blair that he went and what the lawyer said. Blair is pissed that Jeff saw a lawyer without telling him. Jeff is explaining that they need a joint account and everything will be split 50/50. Blair is pissed that his name is not being put on the house. Jeff says he is buying into it with his “rent” every month. It’s not “rent” Jeffery. Married people do not “rent” space to their spouses in the marital home. I am on Blair’s side on this, and Jeff is my favorite. Oh Jeff says this is part of Blair being educated and growing up. Not the right instance for that conversation.
So at the financial planner, Jeff’s first talking head is about him not wanting to be Blair’s Dad (sugar daddy) anymore. He is really unwilling to treat him like a spouse. He seems to think because he is older and the primary wage earner, he is being suckered by Blair. This is not how marriage gay or otherwise works Jeffrey. Blair in dramatic fashion explains to the atty that he felt left out of the meeting and basically wants him to start over. Jeff talks down to Blair. Blair tells the lawyer that Jeff has told him he owns his house and Blair can buy the second house but now he has found out about community property. Wow, under federal law if Jeff puts the house in both their names like normal married people he gets hit with a federal gift tax? Wow. Because the federal government does not recognize their marital status. This makes me sad. But if he puts Blair on the will and dies then it will be in the will. My recording stopped mid sentence so I must have missed some stuff. I will edit it in later if it is significant.
On to Kim and Alaska…Alaska calls Kim down to come help him carry something, but she takes her purse. So clearly she knew they were going bike riding on new bikes that Alaska bought them. And they go to lunch. Kim is not satisfied with the date. She is already thinking about the end of the date. Alaska wants Kim to move to LA where he works. I don’t think that is unreasonable, however she does do fashion styling in NYC. Alaska is texting at the table. HUGE ISSUE. He has to leave ASAP so he dashes. ASAP means to me after lunch with your new bride. I do not care for Alaska.
Date two with Alaska and Kim. Alaska wants Kim to cook like his dead mother. He takes her to a market for her to recreate his favorite meal. Alaska ADORES his mother. You know who else ADORES their mother? Gay men. Now Alaska is saying that Kim has to cook is favorite food every time he comes home just like his mommy did. I love NYC markets…just saying.
OMG John is whining about the baby getting all the attention and the baby is not here yet. He is at the baby shower whining because the attention is not on him. This is a baby shower from hell. But really, aren’t they all? Who over 25 wants this drama? Guess the belly size is not a game for the expectant father to participate in. Her sister wants to scream a speech at the guests about how it is all about her. This is ridiculous.
On another day, John says he is iffy about selling the pool table. Kathy is being a martyr in her talking head. She has given up so much…this is not joke…. sigh.
Tina and Tarz apparently decided to do one crazy thing outside of their comfort zone every month for the first year of their marriage instead of going on a honeymoon. Oh lord. So they are doing a nude photo shoot. Tina is insistent that Tarz wear a thong. I thought it was a nude shot. He is wearing fugly shorts. Tina is throwing a hissy fit. Tarz had the thong on the whole time. She is not amused. Tarz has a fugly ass. Tina says hers is ugly. He butt is lovely. Actually, Tarz’s ass is fine, it’s just the thong that looks ridiculous and strippery. They do some pictures laying down that are sincere and pretty. Tarz explains that he felt very connected to her in those moments when she is not trying so damn hard. The pictures came out fabulous.
Okay Mondays are hell on my DVR I think I missed the tail end and then I go to live TV and Below Deck (the cruise show is on? I have set to tape in the wee hours.)
So, thoughts on tonight’s show?