Real Housewives of Orange County: Someone Needs to be Donkey Punched

RHOOCcast2Sorry for the delay on the Real Housewives of Orange County Recap, I took one of my great sleeps. It seems weird to be recapping it during the day, but here we go!

Poor Lydia has a scene with Tamra to discuss Alexis. It seems that Lydia has been tasked with bringing Alexis and Tamra together. Lydia says she is the friendship whisperer. She seems to be enjoying this role. Tamra’s transformation into someone likeable begins with this episode.

Gretchen and Heather are planning a bachelorette party for Tamra. Which is sort of hilarious because behind the scenes Gretchen and Tamra are clawing each other’s eyes out trying to be the one to get a wedding spin-off. Rumor has it Tamra won that battle. Back on the show, Bravo has made an ad deal with some swimsuit company that is not that chick from Shahs of Sunset  Gretchen does what everyone does when they throw a bachelorette party, they design a custom swimsuit for someone who cannot show up for a fitting. Yeah, I don’t get this either. Heather wants an art gallery and spa treatments. Gretchen just wants strippers. I am not sure how we went there but now they are arguing over swimsuits. This whole scene was …odd.

GifCredit:RealtyTVGifs

GifCredit:RealtyTVGifs

Alexis and Vicki meet to discuss the Mexico trip Alexis is not invited to. Alexis tells Vicki that Tamra called her to meet for lunch. That was the whole scene.

It’s time for the Rolls Royce commercial. I can’t for the life of me figure out why Rolls Royce is cheapening their brand this way. Tamra and Alexis and Lydia all go to lunch at some really pretty restaurant with a patio. Sidenote: I am sure that Lydia’s handbag is a gazzilion dollars, but it puts the ACK in tacky. Tamra gives a non-apology apology. Alexis cries. A tentative détente is reached.

Gretchen and Lauri meet at the stables. I have yet to see the point of having Lauri back. Gretchen and Lauri are Eskimo sisters. Look it up. Also, both like to trash Vicki. Lauri says she has never known Vicki to be monogamous. Lauri gives many examples of Vicki’s infidelities. She brought back a guy from her Greece trip, at the insurance convention she was in bed with another couple. Lauri says Vicki spread some negative info about George around town. This information is readily available on the Internet.  George supposedly took custody of the kids to avoid paying child support, treated the kids horribly and they all hate him. Allegedly. Or not. The kids tweeted about it. Gretchen says she will have a hard time not gossiping about these juicy details.

rhoocvickiilkedickAs a traveler, I cannot fathom these women bringing multiple suitcases on a weekend trip. I spent two weeks in Romania with a carry on. At the airport, Gretchen is pissy that Vicki brought the same “penis stuff” she did. Because apparently there is a threshold for “penis stuff” and Vicki crossed it. Heather and Lydia are not down with all the penis licking. Vicki is VERY into the penis licking. Vicki doesn’t realize that Gretchen is out to get her on this trip.

It looks like they have rented out the restaurant for the first dinner scene. Vicki has been predrinking much more than the other ladies. This will not go well. Tamra hates the menu, it’s all …marinated pig jowls and spotted quail…Lydia wanted salsa and chips. The whole place is much too sedate. Heather picked it and everyone hates it.  This must be the most boring dinner ever in the history of any real housewife franchise.

Vicki drags Tamra and Lydia to her favorite bar. Heather and Gretchen, the party planners are off somewhere pissed at Vicki. Oh, they are in the limo waiting to go back to the hotel. Apparently, Vicki dragged Tamra and Lydia to the bar while they were in the restroom. Meanwhile, Tamra and Vicki are hand in hand (literally) and partying it up with Lydia. Gretchen is pissed and will probably kill Vicki in Mexico. Next week looks fabulous!

About these ads

44 Comments

Filed under Alexis Bellino, Gretchen Rossi, Heather Dubrow, Jesus Barbie, Jim Bellino, Lauri Waring Peterson, Lydia Stirling McLaughlin, Real Housewives of Orange County, RHOOC, Vicki Gunvalson

44 responses to “Real Housewives of Orange County: Someone Needs to be Donkey Punched

  1. With some trepidation (given the source) I asked my 20 yr old daughter what Eskimo sisters were. Of course she knew, and to my great relief the answer was PG-13.

    I clearly live in the IT equivalent of a cave. -beEDee

  2. Dawn

    I enjoy gossip but as I have aged, I do feel some guilt, especially if it may be untrue or misconstrued information. I am not a fan of any of RHOOC cast, but I do enjoy watching them be brats. My point is, Lauri talking about Vicki’s sex life on TV is really below the belt of about any Bravolebrity yet. I am not doubting it is true, not doubting Vicki has done her harm. When this happened, she was an employee and friend and was lucky to have a job, up to meeting Mr. Moneybags. Lauri just showed what a witch she is and probably dangled these tidbits to Andy to sell herself back on the show. I wish she would use her money to get her lip deformity repaired. It looks like remnant of hairlip repair done in the old days.

  3. becky white

    Does anyone know if Lauri has some sort of birth defect or had an accident in the area from her upper lip to her nose – it looks like there are two vertical scars that run from her upper lip to her nose.

    If not someone botched her plastic surgery. I don’t remember her looking like that when she was on the show but maybe she did.

    Why would Vickie spread rumors about Lauri’s husband – I don’t remember them partly on bad terms. I remember that Vicki gave Lauri a job when she was desperate for work. Seems like Lauri forgot all about that.

    I did think Vickie was being obnoxious about the bar she wanted to go – she would not let it go bringing it up over and over and over.

  4. Katrina

    It looks like Gretchen and Tamra have switched personalities. Gretchen is mad at the wrong people! Tamra is a saint and misunderstood. Tamra is going to push Gretchen in front of a moving vehicle (metaphor) and pretend she did not do it.

  5. After going on my mission of searching for *eskimo sisters*, and at least an hour long delay of getting sidetracked; watching cute eskimo babies dancing in their big fat snow suits, and eskimos skinning some blubber, I found a dictionary of slang words. I stayed reading that awhile too! Well I didn’t find Eskiimo sisters but I found Eskimo brothers. I assumed it is the same thing but with two girl friends instead of two boys who are friends???? NOW I get it. Alright I am going to go look up donkey punch now.

  6. TT how do you have a great sleep? I have Ambien & Xanax but they don’t phase me anymore.

  7. otherpeoplesproblems

    I’ve been waiting for this post!

    I was loling so hard when Gretchen referred to herself as “being in the fashion industry” while bikini shopping. The OC women are collectively the worst dressed of any franchise. Gretchen wears white capris like it’s still 2003 hahahah fashion industry!

    Gretchen was annoying me this entire episode. I used to like her in past seasons. She didn’t like the restaurant because it was too fancy, but she didn’t want to party afterwards either. So she just wanted a mid-grade restaurant and no partying, ok got it… Is that even a vacation?

    I’m glad Tamara and Vicki are getting drunk together again. I don’t know if I believe Lauri about Vicki’s whoring around. Well even if it is true, I don’t really care. Good for Vicki if it’s true.

    Other thoughts:
    Gretchen says “wrath of furry” instead of wrath of fury or whatever she was trying to say.
    Hearing grown women say potty makes me wanna vomit. The only ones it’s forgivable for are the women with YOUNG children. The others should never say it ever.

    • otherpeoplesproblems

      I meant Tamra, please don’t kill me!

    • Isabella J.

      OMG, THAT WAS HILARIOUS, WRATH OF FURRY!, Thanks for the reminder!, She is too dumb for words..

    • Ms Urethra Franklin

      I thought she said “wrap of fury”
      She also pronounced Puerto Vallarta as Puerto Vallarpharfa or something like that. She is so dumb.

      • Carol

        Gretchen is as dumb as she is pretty and her mate Slade Slimy reminds me of a male whore. Penniless, she had to buy her own ringLOL. A secure woman would kick that male fame whore to the curb.

    • Tango

      Wrath of furry. I guess that’s what you get when you piss off a bitch in heat… (ya I went there Gretchen). What’s painful is to watch her call Vicki a hypocrite over and over again. Isn’t a hypocrite someone who disses you for doing similar things they have done? So, Gretchen calling Vicki a hypocrite for cheating/being a slut = Gretchen cheated and was a slut, right? So Vicki was right. Along with the rest of us who saw those lovely pics of Gretchen and Jay Photoglou neckin while she was engaged to Jeff..

  8. Isabella J.

    That was awesome and now URBAN DICTIONARY has had a million hits on Eskimo Sisters! I thought it was a great episode once Gretchen started talking in her interviews, LMAO, the blow job mimic was priceless, I really laughed so hard! New respect for Viciki after Lauri’s happenstance “disclosure”, how funny was that! No, not planned or scripted at all! Thanks Tamara!

  9. Vicki Gunvalson · 118,861 like this
    4 hours ago · ..

    Lauri needs to get her head checked. The other woman in the bed is my sister. We were fully clothed watching a movie with a bunch of friends. She is crazy and desperate for a story line.

  10. Is no one else loving this episode as much as me? It was easily my favorite episode in years. Vicki rarely gets this crazy drunk, but when she does she puts Ramona Singer to shame. I’ll never get the visual of her deep throating that lollicock out of my head.

    • Isabella J.

      I laughed the entire time after Alexis was out of the picture, IT WAS HILARIOUS TO ME! Vicki is a riot and I am slightly disappointed she is refuting the tramp claim, it made her much more endearing to me!

  11. Buttercream

    Increased my vocab today looking up donkey punch and Eskimo Sisters. Wouldn’t your think Wretched would ask Lauri what Slade was like in bed with her to compare? Laurie, why bring up your former Boss sex life when you and Gretchen are the Queen of Slutsville?
    Wretched, there is sloppy seconds, but, your;e slutty thirds to the OCSlade1
    Laurie – Because of Vickie – you had a job to put food on the table and money in the bank being on the OC. You are the woman that other women talk about and grow to hate – back stabbing ungrateful low life *itch … so low, you will not have any friends, they will shun you for your BIG MOUTH .. you just showed the world you cant be trusted and you can be bought for the right price, the price of a one season has-been. You made a poor choice in slandering Vickie … lost total respect for you – your wedding with George which once was a highlight is now a gray ugly memory … you shamed your family and mostly, yourself – you should of stayed home with the garbage that you are!

  12. Besides, why is Lauri just walking into someone’s hotel room, anyway? And she had to know Vicki’s sister was there. Gawd.

  13. vivaladiva831

    Next week does look great! But then again I say that every week. Poor Alexis, Bravo is giving her a shit edit bc of her shenanigans trying to get more money. They are giving her the worst scenes ever. When they give her any scenes. I don’t think they will have her back next year.

  14. Tango

    This episode was awesome, (the Heather and Gretchen gettin ditched part), and the next will be too. Call me crazy, but it’s nice to see drunken hijinks from these broads, with a side of Gretchen getting outsted, instead of bullying debacles and tears. Whether you like Vicki and Tamra or not, it’s funny to see old buddies runnin around giggling with flashing ears and crazy hair.

  15. Ms 1dimple

    Donkey Punch = Just gross!! loll

  16. Tobaccorhoda

    Oh, Brackdog, knock off that innocent act. Didn’t you make squickbat infamous at Survivor Sucks. Mmmmm trepanning Mmmmmmm

  17. Patricia

    Gretchen was like a dog salivating over a damn bone. Don’t ever cross a bitch name Lauri. She may dig back 7 years ago and smear your name.

    BTW – who goes to a bachelorette party – out of town mind you – only to go to dinner then to bed? BORING. If that’s all they wanted to do, hell they could have and should have stayed home!

    Lydia is starting to grow on me but she needs to leave the “pothead” thing alone…

  18. I didn’t bat an eye at donkey punch or Eskimo sisters. I may have come pre-corrupted.

    So I jotted Dow things to remember while I was watching:

    “What’s next a yeast infection” – funnest thing Tamara has ever said.
    Gretchen looking for something to complain about: literally at dinner glancing around in search of her next thing to bitch about.
    Wrath of furry? – such an idiot
    Lydia sun bug – at the restaurant where the peace talks were held, Lydia was sitting with the sun in her face. She should not do that. She goes from being very cute to looking misshapen and rodent like.
    Gay penis- did no one else notice that the penis was a rainbow penis?
    Lauri said she has never spoken these things to anyone else. Um…except the Bravo producers, right???

Please read the COMMENTING RULES Before Commenting! http://tamaratattles.com/commenting-rules/

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s