Against all y’alls advice, I am going to give this Princess show a chance. I mean can it really be as bad as you guys keep saying?
Chanel is 27 and her 24-year-old baby sister is getting married. OH! The Horrors. Is this 1954? I already dislike Chanel because of the headband thing. I don’t know who keeps telling people this is a good look, but it’s not. Plus, she is named after a handbag. But hey, let’s forge ahead, shall we? She is sort of interesting pretty. She is still pining away over some guy she dated for 10 whole months.
Cheryl is 29. Her parents are about to feed Chanel non kosher meats hoping she will not notice. Hell even I buy kosher hot dogs. Cheryl is a party girl. Cheryl has an ex that she has dated off and on for ten months. Is ten months some sort of magic cut off in Long Island?
Ashlee is 29. Is she getting a mani-pedi with her dad? Did she ask her dad to help her pick a shade of polish? Did they both settle on “vanilla shimmer?” Yes, yes, yes they did. I find this all very disturbing. Is her father wearing cut offs? YES! Did she really not bring her own shoes to leave in? I can’t properly how unsettling this scene is. Did she just make the manicure guy carry her to her car because she can’t walk without heels? By now, you know that she did.
Amanda is 26. She actually has a boyfriend. She might actually get married. His name is Jeff and her mother is terrified she will get married and leave home. Jeff is 38. OMG he is a freak. Something is wrong with this guy. I’ve seen him for 30 seconds and I am already screaming for her to run. It’s his voice, his mannerisms, the teeth and the mouth breathing for starters. I don’t care how rich he must be, it’s not enough.
Ashlee is planning her 30th birthday. She is going to pick up her friend, who I think is named Jelly. Jelly (I shall call her this even if it turns out not to be her name because …I mean who wouldn’t want to be named Jelly?) lives in Freeport in a lower class neighborhood. There is chain link fencing with the green vinyl strips in them. I wanted to put them in fence across the back for privacy but it seemed very time-consuming. Anyway, Ashlee is breaking out in a rash and so she calls her dad for advice on navigating a non gated community. Oh her name is JOEY. But I am officially changing it to Jelly. Jelly and Ashlee meet Erica at the dress shop and it is closed due to a power outage.
Erica and Jelly hang out by Erica’s pool. Erica is trying to be on again with Rob. She’s planning a pool party. Jelly tells Erica her eggs have six years left in their shelf life. No Pressure.
Jeff and Amanda are swimsuit shopping for Amanda. In some store that looks like those super cheap places in Myrtle Beach. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Amanda’s mom wants to come to the pool party. Jeff is super into going shopping. Like too into it. Like in a gay way. He is overdoing the whole I am so turned on by this fashion show thing. Trying too hard. I just don’t like this guy. Jeff apparently lets the mother pay the bill. Also unacceptable.
Erica has decided to have the pool party at her cousin’s house where she is house sitting, because everyone who leaves someone to housesit loves it when the housesitter invites 100 or their closest friends over to get drunk by the pool. Rob cannot open the container of juice. Seriously. That would be it for me right there. Opening things is high on the list of things guys are supposed to do.
My girl Jelly brings some hot blue-collar guys. FIREMEN! Lots of rum punch and swimming. Some chick is saying that Jeff had stalked her on Facebook. She’s drunk and keeps being inappropriate with Amanda about the Facebook thing. Is this even a thing? This girl just called Jeff a faggot and Jeff is losing his mind. Then she calls him a freak and Amanda wasted a perfectly lovely rum punch by throwing it at the girl. Everyone is pretty wasted. Except my girl Jelly. Jeff has a temper tantrum and leaves with Amanda.
Okay so this whole thing was very Jersey Shore with money. I didn’t think it sucked. Would watch again. Am I going to be watching this alone? Or should I blog it?