Real Housewives of Orange County Recap : I Don’t Believe In Anything, But I Want to Be Someone Who Believes…

RHOOCcast2I’m BAAACK! Sorry for cheating on y’all with my new Jodi Arias friends. Some of them watch real housewives though so we will have some new people to argue with and call names friends!  We begin Real Housewives of Orange County tonight with Heather complaining to Tamra. Gretchen was rude at my Hot in Cleveland shoot. Things are not perfect with my rich husband and beautiful family! Why must I suffer so much?! etc.

This shoot in Laguna is making me miss my friend Kimberly who lives in the OC about a 5 blocks from the beach (you may recall her guest blog here). Why does watching TV make me want to book flights to every location I see? I’m such a nomad. Must wander.  Anyway. Lydia is the “Cynthia” of RHOOC. She is the one that has to catch the outsider housewife (Alexis) on everything to which she was not invited. Lydia wants to smooth the waters for Alexis with the other girls and thinks she needs to talk to Tamra.

Vicki goes to visit Brooks where he lives in a house for which Vicki probably pays. She walks in like she owns the place, because she probably does. Brooks needs hair plugs or to shave his head. Vicki brings lunch from some place that serves an upscale meat and two veggies. Brooks wants to take Vicki to a nice hotel for the weekend, but she has to babysit and offers up the following weekend. Brooks is “unavailable” (he muttered that and I had to listen twice).  Unavailable because….? That should be Vicki’s first THREE questions. I’m GUESSING she supports his ass. The next weekend he goes to Mississippi to see his kids and his daughter’s play. Really? I thought all his exes despised him. hmmm. The whole scene seemed very scripted  and uncomfortable. What woman would not ask what he is doing during that middle weekend?

Tamra is meeting with a speech coach because she’s “never spoke” in front of people before. Blah blah whatever. I’m bored. I’m focused on how creepy this speech expert dude is.

RHOOClydiaYou know how when you date a guy with um… interesting looks…and you really start to like them for them, they become more attractive? I’m starting to feel that way about Lydia. Oh look. Another scene about her mom being a pothead. This is a good time to take a potty break.

Gretchen and Slade are at the doctor’s office. Gretchen wants to find out if she is producing eggs. She could have saved her money and I could have told her that NO, she is not producing eggs. Women are born with all of the eggs they will ever have. Frankly, I have been praying I am almost out for ages. Let’s see  how the doctor handles questions from a bleached blonde with no idea how her own reproductive system works getting checked out before trying to get knocked up by a dead beat dead with no source of employment other than Gretchen. Oh lord, Gretchen, are you really going to make a big deal about the ultrasound wand? I’m sure you have… oh let me stop. During the process, Gretchen is like, “Is that as far you are going in?” I just can’t. The doc says because they are both past their prime baby making years, they have an outside shot at in vitro.

Vicki is babysitting Troy while Brianna and Ryan go to the Marine Ball. Ryan has orders to go back to Afghanistan.  Was that a serious issue on a Real Housewives show? No wonder it was a one minute scene in the car. Much too REAL for the Real Housewives of anywhere.  Also suspiciously timed for Memorial Day?

Heather and Terry prepare to leave on a date. The little girl eyes the camera while saying sweetly, “Mommy, can I please have potato chips?” Heh, nice try kid. She still said no, but very smart for asking so sweetly on camera.

I think Vicki going to San Diego to babysit is sweet. Let the bashing of me begin. :)

Heather and Terry out to dinner. More Harpy McHarpyson by Heather in talking heads. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Terry apologizes another million times and Heather is intolerant. More bitchy talking heads. She says Terry is jealous. Terry says she is overly sensitive. I guess it is lighting but Heather’s undereye cream is NOT working. I am anticipating gift from Terry. Let’s see if I am right. Oh here he goes, I have been racking my brain about what to do. Well Terry this better be a high five figure present…WHAT? A card? A heartfelt  card? I am so surprised in a good way by Heather. She accepts this heartfelt apology in writing!

Alexis is doing her SkyZone commercial for Skyrobics. I would totally do that! Sign me up!

Tamra is about to make her speech at the “Women’s Expo.” They have done these fake “Expos” on every season. I am not buying what Tamra is about to try to sell us. It comes off as a big opportunity for a PR fix so we will like her the rest of the season.

RHOOClydiaThere was a cooking scene with Lydia and her mother. Another “My Mom is a Pothead” scene. It’s the same old same old. I wonder how her pothead mom ended up with a gajillionaire. Does her dad smoke? I know a lot of rich people and none of them are potheads. I know a lot of poor people and a lot of them are. Sorry if I offended any potheads.

WOW! They showed Tamra’s UNPHOTOSHOPPED picture on the “Expo” Marquee. Lots of undereye wrinkles. LOTS. And I try not to talk about people’s appearance. I suppose this speech is the big finish. Tamra starts with a joke that falls flat. HOWEVER, she is a pretty good public speaker. The coach did a great job if she really had fears. She needs an academy award for this performance. Sexually active at 14, married at 17….18 married, 21 divorced and suicidal. She was admitted into a mental hospital. In her 20s she married a controlling man and now three years after that divorce she is ready to move on.. Follow your dreams….   I don’t want to pass judgment. But I do know that Bravo perception makeovers are commonplace.  Tamra’s mother seems pissy. Her Mama didn’t tell her she loved her enough. It’s Tamra’s poor parenting that makes her behave the way she does.  I believe  that everyone’s past shapes their future behavior.  I’d feel compassion for Tamra if I felt I could believe Bravo editing.

Do you buy what Bravo is selling? My personal life quote is…”I want to be someone who believes…”  Do you believe?


Filed under Heather Dubrow, Real Housewives of Orange County, Recap, RHOOC, Vicki Gunvalson

37 responses to “Real Housewives of Orange County Recap : I Don’t Believe In Anything, But I Want to Be Someone Who Believes…

  1. Didn’t believe any of the story lines. Or, I was disinterested in them. Seriously the most boring episode of any city I’ve ever seen. No interactions with the women except Tamra and Heather. Gretchen at the gyno was just stomach turning. Maybe having a baby will make her grow up. I’m betting she gets saddled up with twins.

    So I’m not familiar with how vasectomies work. There is still a point where viable sperm lives, but it’s just blocked from coming out?

    • sandy

      Exactly. They just have to reconnect the vessels that were snipped and they are unsnipped. Can get pregnant like in three weeks. Over ten years it might be tougher. The mans antibodies can build up against his own sperm making it useless. Also the little tubes that they reconnect? They have more of a chance of clogging up the longer the vasectomy has been done. These thing can but don’t happen to most guys though. There have been men that have kids after reversing vasectomies after twenty years. It’s mostly successful. Gretchen is over 35 so invitro is the best bet but is big bucks plus the risk of multiple pregnancies as you mentioned!

      • But they said they were not going to reverse it.

      • lori

        I was trying to figure that out too. Are they using a sperm donor I wonder? Might be a good idea if you think about it. This way down the line when they break up, he can argue that in court when he is being sued for being a deadbeat dad, and also maybe then the child will only be half dumb. Its a win win I think..

    • Seriously....

      A friend is considering this so I have TMI. from what I understand, since the sperm has nowhere to go, the body has to break it down and reabsorb it. Eventually your body considers it a nuisance and develops antibodies to deal with it. This leads to decreased sperm count and motility. The longer the vasectomy, the more damaged and undesirable the surviving sperm becomes.

  2. vivaladiva831

    I do believe all of of those things happened as tamra said, and I do believe she felt like (not sure if I necessarily agree though) controlled by simon. I don’t believe it was anything more than PR, exactly like you said.
    Totally noticed the unphotoshopped EXPO pic wrinkles!!!

    In a previous post I said Ryan was unbelievable for bossing Vicki around in her own house BUT – I think what Vicki is doing is so admirable, she is putting her family first. Ryan is an active member of the armed forces, and for Vicki to put them first really touched me. I wonder if that is fueled by a little guilt of always working when hers were little? Either way, I think it was wonderful to see Vicki putting Briana and Troy and Ryan first.

  3. Sara

    The Dr. Visit was too much! Not invested in the RHOC at all, bring on the Jersey Ladies(?)!

  4. eg

    Vicki and Books is sickening to watch. She acts like a 8yr old around him, and he comes off as creepy. Heather acts like she is going thru menopause or something and Tamra is whiney. Gretchen talks like her teeth are wired together and she whines too.I don’t see why Vicki cant love her daugh. and son in law and still do whatever she wants in her own home. If they move away let them, and go and visit them. Haven’t figured out Lydias’ role in this little group yet, but I’m sure it will reveal itself once she decides who she will align herself with.

  5. Popcorn and Vodka (@popcornandvodka)

    I agree with TeeCee, this episode was so boring it felt like it was over in five minutes because nothing happened.
    Heather likely IS going through menopause and I’ve learned this is nothing to laugh at – I feel for her family and Heather too! I finally told the doctor I was worried I might actually kill someone, FOR REAL, and without blinking an eye she said “Pre-menopausal, CHECK! Here’s some happy pills.” They’ve worked wonders. (No, Jodi, you don’t get to use this excuse.)
    As for Tamra, I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. I’m not sure I believe Tamra is even like this in real life, I think she brings the drama for the cameras. And, just like with Jodi, although our pasts might give reasons for our bad behavior, we can’t use our pasts as excuses for our bad behavior. So… Shut up, Tamra.
    I kind of love Lydia. But more eyerolls for the pothead storyline. But what else are they going to do with someone who seems genuinely nice and not willing to bring ugly drama for the cameras? She’ll be gone by next season.

    • sandy

      I kind of thought with the conversation she had with her mother tonight was a bit of back pedaling on her part. She clarified and even changed what she meant regarding her mom and the pot smoking. She told her mother a few times what a fun and great mother she was and even stated how she strived to be the kind of mother to her children that her mother was to her. That she tries her best to emulate her I believer were her words. Her mother was stunned. Last week and before Lydia seemed to imply her mom was too far out there and embarrassing. Her mother also said very firmly that even when she was still smoking pot she NEVER did in front of Lydia’s kids. It was a different spin then what she was previously said. She also said very adamantly she wasn’t judging her, it was because of health reasons and she wanted her around as long as possible. Then Tamara does her contrived bs to make herself look better and for the viewers to see her in another light. Pure bs from her.

    • peachteachr

      P&V, I empathise with you @ menopause. At 64, I’m finally down to only 2 or 3 hot flashes a day and most of those other crazy symptoms have disappeared. I now tell all who will listen that there are 2 things I don’t joke about… menopause and empty-nest syndrome (Why do they happen at the same time?) because both are very real and not funny!

    • Katrina

      Why do you think Heather is going through menopause? She is not old enough. She just had a baby! Heather is not as old as Vicki. Heather is just a controlling person and she is not happy unless things are going her way!

      • Popcorn and Vodka (@popcornandvodka)

        Heather is in her mid 40s, and she doesn’t have to be IN menopause, PRE-menopause is when things start going crazy. She actually is the perfect age for it. Or she could just be a cranky bitch. I’m 46 and the cranky/crazies hit me two years ago, so it’s definitely possible for Heather.

  6. puravidacostarica

    TT, can we get a closeup of the unphotoshopped Expo pic of Tamra? Please? I posted about being happy to see your non-JA blogs return, but it got lost in my attempt to post it. I’m having laptop problems. Grrrr. But glad you’re back, witty as ever.

    • you are a lying bitch. You are a Jodi fan. And I am sofa king computer challenged…. I could not give you a pic of my confused face. lol. I don’t know or do I care how to do all these things. I don’t leave the house, I don’t own most applicances you have… yet this week is another court date with …sigh…

    • shit I didn”t mean Jodi FAN I meant one of my trial peeps. sorry.

    • Puravidacostarica

      And cranky as ever, I see. Good luck this week with that *other* bitch…

  7. otherpeoplesproblems

    I also have a pothead parent. My dad has smoked weed for as long as I can remember, always had bongs everywhere… He’s also really fit. So that’s a humorous contrast: the pothead personal trainer. When I was younger I felt a little shame, but as I matured I stopped giving a shit. You realize your parents are just people, they’re not great people just because they had children. If that makes sense.

    Lydia needs to grow up already. Her mom is not gonna burn down the house, or leave her grandchildren somewhere and forget about them cause she’s SOOOO STONED. Lydia is uptight, and this storyline annoys me. I also agree with you somehow about her becoming more attractive as the season goes on. Maybe she has a face you just have to get used to?

    Tamra’s sob story did nothing for me and Gretchen is insufferable as usual.

    • vivaladiva831

      Very good point, i also was with someone who was a “pothead” and was at the gym every day and extremely well off. I totally agree when you said SOOO STONED-people who have this idea of being high as akin to being drunk makes me laugh. I personally feel alcohol is much more dangerous than pot. Being stoned does not mean you have lost control of yourself. Some of my best ideas and most profound thoughts have come while “stoned.”. Instead of drunk blogging you should try stoned blogging lol.

  8. Tango

    I don’t know what to make of Tamra anymore. I feel badly for her sometimes, especially concerning her background…but then I can’t decide to feel badly or see it as her poor decisions. I didn’t have great parents either, but I graduated from college and didn’t marry until I was 29. Although, Simon imo was a douche and I truly feel sad that she was ever suicidal. I just don’t like how she screeches and takes everything over the top to make Bravo happy. She seems to like to fight for the sake of fighting sometimes, although with Brooks I was behind her 100%.

  9. Pinky

    This show is pathetic – I don’t care for any of the posers except, I do like Lydia’s husband and the Debrow children.

  10. Selena

    I think if Tamara wasn’t on the show it would flatline. Gretchen lydia and Alexis are all a waste of time. Vicky is just plain pathetic with her very very low self esteem “I’m a nice person”. Heather has to belittle Terry otherwise she would have nothing to do. Tamara doesn’t do much either but at least she is funny.

    • ” Tamara doesn’t do much either but at least she is funny.”

      Thanks! I agree!

      • Seriously....

        Tamara is only funny when she drunk blogs at 3 am. The rest of the time, she can’t be bothered, or it’s actually thoughtful and intelligent (and who wants to read that?).
        I would leave this site and never return since she blogs about what she wants on her blog and not that Korean soap I’m into but I’m too lazy to open a new window and google a new blog.
        I love you, Lee Min Ho!

      • Popcorn and Vodka (@popcornandvodka)

        That is going to be the best comment I read all day.

      • Hey now, I’m sort of into Korea at the moment… I might be persuaded, Lee Min Ho. :)

    • Joan

      Love the concise post! Agree 100%. No longer watching – record, then FastForward (for future reference – FF, ok no jokes from those whose mind is going to another place) through a lot of it until I get to a point that looks interesting.

  11. OMG I thought it was only me. I was like I must be a horrible person to believe this is all a PR stunt by Tamara, ie she is getting backlash from fans, so now she has to try to get in everyone’s good graces. Glad I am not the only cynic

    I am now going to be fast forwarding through Gretchen’s scenes, I am done.

  12. Patricia

    Even though Briana and Ryan are starting to get on my nerves trying to tell a grown woman what to do in HER house, their scene was touching nonetheless.

    Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen, she needs to move on. She’s wasting her time. Slade has NOTHING to offer anyone….

    Viki, another that needs to move on.

  13. Lisa

    Brooks dyed his hair in this episode. Bravo was kind enough to point that out to us by inserting a clip of him with gray hair, for contrast. And the scene certainly ended on a sharp note, with him saying “don’t piss me off either” and Vicki giving him the stink-eye.

    If Vicki is supporting him, then wouldn’t she buy name-brand bottled water? And who would eat a HUGE steak or pork chop like that for lunch? Both of them probably have sky-high cholesterol levels.

    He is some piece of work, that Brooks.

    We haven’t heard a whoo hoo out of Vicki in a long, long time. I miss Jeana.

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