I’m BAAACK! Sorry for cheating on y’all with my new Jodi Arias friends. Some of them watch real housewives though so we will have some new
people to argue with and call names friends! We begin Real Housewives of Orange County tonight with Heather complaining to Tamra. Gretchen was rude at my Hot in Cleveland shoot. Things are not perfect with my rich husband and beautiful family! Why must I suffer so much?! etc.
This shoot in Laguna is making me miss my friend Kimberly who lives in the OC about a 5 blocks from the beach (you may recall her guest blog here). Why does watching TV make me want to book flights to every location I see? I’m such a nomad. Must wander. Anyway. Lydia is the “Cynthia” of RHOOC. She is the one that has to catch the outsider housewife (Alexis) on everything to which she was not invited. Lydia wants to smooth the waters for Alexis with the other girls and thinks she needs to talk to Tamra.
Vicki goes to visit Brooks where he lives in a house for which Vicki probably pays. She walks in like she owns the place, because she probably does. Brooks needs hair plugs or to shave his head. Vicki brings lunch from some place that serves an upscale meat and two veggies. Brooks wants to take Vicki to a nice hotel for the weekend, but she has to babysit and offers up the following weekend. Brooks is “unavailable” (he muttered that and I had to listen twice). Unavailable because….? That should be Vicki’s first THREE questions. I’m GUESSING she supports his ass. The next weekend he goes to Mississippi to see his kids and his daughter’s play. Really? I thought all his exes despised him. hmmm. The whole scene seemed very scripted and uncomfortable. What woman would not ask what he is doing during that middle weekend?
Tamra is meeting with a speech coach because she’s “never spoke” in front of people before. Blah blah whatever. I’m bored. I’m focused on how creepy this speech expert dude is.
You know how when you date a guy with um… interesting looks…and you really start to like them for them, they become more attractive? I’m starting to feel that way about Lydia. Oh look. Another scene about her mom being a pothead. This is a good time to take a potty break.
Gretchen and Slade are at the doctor’s office. Gretchen wants to find out if she is producing eggs. She could have saved her money and I could have told her that NO, she is not producing eggs. Women are born with all of the eggs they will ever have. Frankly, I have been praying I am almost out for ages. Let’s see how the doctor handles questions from a bleached blonde with no idea how her own reproductive system works getting checked out before trying to get knocked up by a dead beat dead with no source of employment other than Gretchen. Oh lord, Gretchen, are you really going to make a big deal about the ultrasound wand? I’m sure you have… oh let me stop. During the process, Gretchen is like, “Is that as far you are going in?” I just can’t. The doc says because they are both past their prime baby making years, they have an outside shot at in vitro.
Vicki is babysitting Troy while Brianna and Ryan go to the Marine Ball. Ryan has orders to go back to Afghanistan. Was that a serious issue on a Real Housewives show? No wonder it was a one minute scene in the car. Much too REAL for the Real Housewives of anywhere. Also suspiciously timed for Memorial Day?
Heather and Terry prepare to leave on a date. The little girl eyes the camera while saying sweetly, “Mommy, can I please have potato chips?” Heh, nice try kid. She still said no, but very smart for asking so sweetly on camera.
I think Vicki going to San Diego to babysit is sweet. Let the bashing of me begin.
Heather and Terry out to dinner. More Harpy McHarpyson by Heather in talking heads. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Terry apologizes another million times and Heather is intolerant. More bitchy talking heads. She says Terry is jealous. Terry says she is overly sensitive. I guess it is lighting but Heather’s undereye cream is NOT working. I am anticipating gift from Terry. Let’s see if I am right. Oh here he goes, I have been racking my brain about what to do. Well Terry this better be a high five figure present…WHAT? A card? A heartfelt card? I am so surprised in a good way by Heather. She accepts this heartfelt apology in writing!
Alexis is doing her SkyZone commercial for Skyrobics. I would totally do that! Sign me up!
Tamra is about to make her speech at the “Women’s Expo.” They have done these fake “Expos” on every season. I am not buying what Tamra is about to try to sell us. It comes off as a big opportunity for a PR fix so we will like her the rest of the season.
There was a cooking scene with Lydia and her mother. Another “My Mom is a Pothead” scene. It’s the same old same old. I wonder how her pothead mom ended up with a gajillionaire. Does her dad smoke? I know a lot of rich people and none of them are potheads. I know a lot of poor people and a lot of them are. Sorry if I offended any potheads.
WOW! They showed Tamra’s UNPHOTOSHOPPED picture on the “Expo” Marquee. Lots of undereye wrinkles. LOTS. And I try not to talk about people’s appearance. I suppose this speech is the big finish. Tamra starts with a joke that falls flat. HOWEVER, she is a pretty good public speaker. The coach did a great job if she really had fears. She needs an academy award for this performance. Sexually active at 14, married at 17….18 married, 21 divorced and suicidal. She was admitted into a mental hospital. In her 20s she married a controlling man and now three years after that divorce she is ready to move on.. Follow your dreams…. I don’t want to pass judgment. But I do know that Bravo perception makeovers are commonplace. Tamra’s mother seems pissy. Her Mama didn’t tell her she loved her enough. It’s Tamra’s poor parenting that makes her behave the way she does. I believe that everyone’s past shapes their future behavior. I’d feel compassion for Tamra if I felt I could believe Bravo editing.
Do you buy what Bravo is selling? My personal life quote is…”I want to be someone who believes…” Do you believe?