On this week’s The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we get our final glimpse of Paris as the girls take a cruise on the Seine.  I can’t get over how cold and windy it was in Paris in July! At least they seemed to have packed lots of jackets and long sleeves. Yolanda gives Brandi some shoes that even I think are awesome, and so her!  Oddly, most of the Bravo PR pics are from the cruise even though it was barely shown!

Back in Beverly Hills there is an odd scene where Marisa says her mother-in-law wants Marisa to co-list the family house with Maurico. I’ve heard that this was just storyline to get Maurico screen time and that ultimately Marisa just did the listing herself. The house is stunning. I am so jealous of the library. That is what a library in a $25 million dollar house should look like.

Lisa Vanderpump would be perfect if it were not for two things. First, it’s gross and annoying that she and Ken bring the dog to the dinner table. And worse, she seems obsessed with Kevin Lee, who I could do without seeing on my TV screen at all. Her house is so amazing though that those things barely matter. She has a huge infinity pool and a pond with swans in the backyard, and there doesn’t seem to be any other homes nearby.

Yolanda and David are doing a fashion shoot for an asian magazine. Yolanda manages to name drop Barbara Streisand (he has a concert with her later that evening) and Rod Stewart and Andrea Bocelli who he was recording with at the time. I love Yolanda and I guess it isn’t name dropping when you are just discussing your husband’s work day. You know, like how we would explain our husband being late to a function, “Well, there was a gas leak down at the Shell so he and Gus have to get that cleaned up before OSHA shows up, y’all just go on without him.” It’s all the same thing really.  Yolanda doesn’t like the hair or the dresses and you can tell she is not feeling well. The shots turned out great even if the “kiss my tie” was a little….um…odd.

Kyle is preparing for her store opening. I went to her website the other day. It is very much Kyle’s style.  You know, if you like that sort of thing. It’s essentially, from the little I saw very expensive casual clothes. I can see Nene shopping there.

Taylor goes out for a drink with “an old friend who has been having a difficult time with a breakup.” Turns out, it’s PAM!  Pam has not been having a difficult time with a breakup. Pam has been living in England with an old rich dude. Despite his lack of…um…athletic build, he could do better. I should probably google and see if he has dumped her yet. Let’s see if she mentions the kid. Taylor lies to Pam about dating. She claims she is not. But she has been boinking her married lawyer for months. So contrary to what Pam says she is not in fact the only person getting laid. Pam is proud that she drinks a lot and fucks a lot. Taylor thinks she should give her some advice about all the drinking and fucking but she is concerned about that whole wrath of God lightning strike thing. The previous guy who was never really around her anyway took his Lamborghini back. Pam is angry at Brandi because she was right about her fake relationship with the last guy.

Um, this scene needs a special paragraph just for the odd thing Pam is doing with her cigarette. First of all where are they that she can smoke? California is like one big no smoking state. Yet there she is sticking her cigarette in her drink and somehow lighting it? Am I missing something here? I am so distracted by two trainwrecks colliding I have no idea what is actually happening. Did Taylor just say that she has a life coach? How is that even possible? That whole scene was deliciously bizarre.

As tired as I am of seeing Kyle sitting at the vanity slathering on make-up, at least she isn’t bringing in a fake glam squad like some other housewives in other locations. If you had told me three seasons ago I would be tired of seeing Mauricio I would never have believed you. Sadly, the more scenes he does, the less attractive he becomes. At Kyle’s grand opening, she refers to Chanel twice. Which is very odd because her store doesn’t sell Chanel. Did she just say her store was 5,000 square feet? Did it look that big to anyone else? Yolanda holds up her credit card. It was NOT a black AmEx and honey if anyone has one it is her. Sorry, I notice these things. Later, Yolanda points out that Kyle is selling used vintage Chanel in her store. Thank you Yo, for clearing that up for me.

Taylor tries to make up with Yolanda. She claims that her conversation with Pam caused her to feel the need to apologize. She’s not very good at it. There was a lot of justification that irritated Yolanda who had already written her off. Taylor realizes that Yolanda is allied with all the right people in the group and she is trying to get in Yolanda’s favor, but it might just be too late for all of that. Yolanda essentially calls Taylor a rotten apple. I am suddenly hearing Donny Osmond singing in my head. I blame Taylor for that. There is a very tentative hugging it out. I don’t see this truce lasting.

Oh look! It’s Camille in one of her final RHOBH scenes. Go Big Camille! OOOH Adrienne is arriving with Paul. I am going to miss Paul. Brandi sees her coming in and runs for a drink and perhaps sends a tweet. Adrienne stays away from the others it seems other than a brief encounter with Kim. Kyle cuts the ribbon and Faye Resnick appears to elbow into the photo op, natch. Since the cameras are rolling, Kyle decides to pull Kim aside and confront her on her Paris behavior smack in the middle of her store opening, because that is what a good sister does. You know who would get along well? Kyle and Reza. That’s who. Kim has some story about taking the wrong medication. I am not buying it and neither is Kyle.  Kyle needs an acting coach. Kim is very believable in her crying scenes. Kyle? Not so much.

Next week looks great. Lisa and Ken’s vow renewal and Paul finally getting fed up with Adrienne!