I’m going to try to zip through this episode of Mob Wives really quick for you guys. I am actually feeling good today and should be out doing some banking and grocery shopping. Anyway, I have to say I love the Mob Wives theme song more than any other show. I don’t get how it goes, but I just love the intro.Renee put her house on the market after the non-robbery, robbery. Because the mafia guys will never know where her new house is. It’s not like she has a reality show or anything. Renee is telling Ramona and Karen the story of the brunch from hell. Her retelling is amusing.  Apparently, Italian women talking at the table while gesturing with a butter knife is a personal attack of dramatic proportions.Carla has a scene where she is pumping her kids for info on the soon to be ex-husband’s new young girlfriend. By the kids accounts everything is wonderful. This irks Carla.

Ang and Drita recap the brunch from hell in the pet store. Again with the butter knife incident. Really?  What kind of Mob Wives are obsessed with a woman wielding a butter knife at a breakfast table? Ang wants to have a botox party and invite everyone. Why?  Later at a lunch on Brighton Beach Lee calls Drita on her cell. Inmates can do that now? The last time I had someone calling me from the drunk tank it had to be on a landline so the charges could be reversed.  Tell me how this works all you criminal types.Speaking of criminals, Renee’s son came home from his grandfather’s sentencing with a report. Essentially he got 17 months and gave a statement that Renee took as not blaming her for being married to a snitch. Renee wants to move out of the house and start a new chapter. AJ says that’s a good idea.

There are kids in nearly every scene. Drita is out playing soccer with her daughters. Drita says she could have been a professional soccer player but she made bad choices. Drita is explaining the concept of a half-way house to her kids. Her older daughter wants to go with Drita on a visit. The youngest kid shows the most sense in situation and balks.

Renee goes house hunting with Karen and is unhappy with the security of the houses she is being shown. They have basements! And Attics! And Garages! Which are clearly there as breeding spots for wiseguys. How could this realtor not have know this. I love how Mob Wives reminds me of everyone’s names in each scene. I need this information. Or some blondes on the show. Thanks, VH1. Renee did not like that the house had so many windows. Basically she wants an Afghani cave, but in Jersey. Try again, real estate guy. Karen throws in that the house should also be unobservable by the FBI. Renee wants one way in and out, the front door. This is not good OPSEC, Renee. You always need multiple points of egress. If the zombies come through the front door…Oh nevermind.Drita goes to the Drunken Monkey and Big Ang is talking about how her son has lost his rights to visitation. Big Ang is fighting to go see him. I forget why he is in jail but as I recall it didn’t seem like a huge deal. Big Ang shows Drita a storefront for lease near the drunken monkey. Drita calls on her cell and tells the lady she will take it over the phone without even seeing the inside and that she will wait at the Drunken Monkey for her to arrive. I suppose this is how New Jersey real estate transactions work. It’s very interesting that Drita was supposedly looking for space high and low and looky there, it’s the perfect spot next to the Drunken Monkey where she allegedly goes all the time.

Carla is having an argument with her husbandnothusband Joe. He tells her he wants to move the girlfriend in. How does someone fresh out of prison afford this grandiose home we keep hearing about? It looks like more of a townhouse from the driveway.

At the Botox party (read free Botox in exchange for airtime) Drita doesn’t show because of a toothache. Carla doesn’t come because Drita would not be there. So, Renee stirs the shit and says that Carla turtled out because of Love. Objection! No basis in fact! Facts not in evidence, your honor! Whatever. Since the Botox party lacked the appropriate drama, we end with Renee getting a letter from Junior. Cue the dramatic music. We are not told what THE LETTER says. dundunDUNdunDUNNNN!!! Renee calls everyone and no one picks up so she flees the house to find Ramona convinced Junior is going to axe her.