STARS!IN!DANGER!

starsindangerOMG one minute in and this may be the best show ever to be on TV! I’m already cracking up at the voice overs! STARS IN DANGER! THE HIGH DIVE!  Eight brave and otherwise sane celebrities? I may be laughing to hard to blog. I’m so pissed at that on NC chick that I begged to be a correspondent for not going. In all fairness she was hours away and IT WAS SOLD OUT ALMOST INSTANTLY. I should have gone myself. He just said it is do or dive! This is already the best worst show I have ever seen!

Jesus Christ on a Cracker Terrell Owens has a hot body. This is so unbelievably bad it is fantastic. I love Antonio but there is no beating Terrell’s body. OMG Twitch. OMG. Wait they have a fill-in standing by? Bet she goes in for either Kyle or Kim. LOL “Our celebrities have been put through weeks of intense training.” Yes we saw them there for a weekend eating doughnut holes. The top three will be moving on to the finals y’all!

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What’s wrong with this picture? LOLOLOL

I am peeing my lack of pants here. Details on the judges. God I hope you are watching this. OMG. I pray Terrelll wins this shit so I can see him mostly nekkid for the rest of the show. Here he goes…It’s awful. But that is not the point. I just want to like him. He got a 6.

Time for Bethenny who got her arm eaten off by a shark. She got like a 7.5. Let’s get to Kim!  I hope she beats Kyle. The next “star” is David someone from Baywatch. This may literally be the worst primetime show ever aired and I am watching it!  That David dude can actually dive. Is he wearing a tiara? They gave him shitty scores. Time for Antonio. I Adore him. He doesn’t have the body of TO or Twitch but still..He sort of flopped.

Time for KIM! Her talking heads are well, like they always are. Kim says Kyle has a fear of height and she is picking up on that. Time for the stunt double, er I mean alternate? We shall see. Kim says she is really good at this . Her kids are there.  She is doing the easiest dive so far. Um okay she just jumped into the water feet first. They called it a front jump straight. Basically she jumped off the diving board into the water. I can’t stop laughing. She put her arms out like a huge dive was coming and just jumped in feet first. The commentator was like, “nice, nice very vertical!”. OMG.  She jumped really, really vertically. I can’t here. This may be the best crapfest I have ever watched. Kim feels great! She was really nervous. I am left wondering how that is a dive. Because diving implies… oh who cares this is epic TV. Kim says this is a great accomplishment for her and she is really glad she did it. OMG. Please be watching. Kim actually got a 5.5 from one judge for jumping into the pool. Kim is so happy because this experience brought her closer with her sister. I can’t…

RHOBHKyleIt’s time for Kyle the drama queen. She is everso afraid of heights. will she do a….”forward jump” as well? Kim is crying during Kyle’s reel. I want her to do the best she can do. I keep having to stop to crack up laughing. WILL KYLE BE ABLE TO JUMP IN A POOL? Or will that alternate be called in? Kyle is being a a moron. She is on the LOW board doing a “forward entry free” whatever that is. She’s crying and it is awesome. WOW says the announcer. That was a phenomal dive! And look at this reaction from her sister! Kyle says she is just happy she got off the board. Mauricio is there with all of her girls. No wonder the 2500 tickets were so hard to get everyone brought an entourage! The announcer says “Maybe you can do this as a party trick at the Vanderpumps!” I die.She got like a 7.5 but it was the same level of difficulty (read none) as Kim’s er…forward jump.

Crap, Twitch is gonna knock Terrell out of third I wanted them both in the finals. Jesus Christ he is hot. But as I paused to say that, does he have thumbs. I am looking at a pause on his hands and WHERE ARE HIS THUMBS? Oh who cares, he is smoking hot on that diving board. He REALLY over rotated. I might get to see Terrell after all. He got really bad scores. Wait this is two hours. I may not have the energy for all this. Up next JWOWW who is also afraid of heights. She does a belly flop in practice. Okay if this is going to be two hours.. I may not be able to maintain. JWOWW is trying to pussy out. Okay she is out so the stunt double err I mean replacement will go in. Reel of the replacement looking bad.  Clearly she wins.I think they had her in there for Kim but surprisingly she stepped in for JWOWW. Oh look she is perfect. I am shocked. Shocked I tell you. She takes the lead.

I want to stop watching now but no. Kim is now going to jump in the pool again BUT THIS TIME SHE WILL DO IT BACKWARDS! She is wearing fake eyelashes for this difficult maneuver by the way. Oh wait.  That was actually a dive. Kudos!  It was a back dive! Kim gives a shoutout to her kids but she is never diving again. lol. Kyle was the second lowest. She’s up to try to improve. She has the wrinkliest elbows I have ever seen. Is there no surgery for that? Kyle did a decent job. She got a 6. Twitch is repeating his dive because it was hard. Way over rotated legs splayed. 4.5. Antonio was GREAT. They only gave him a 7. He was robbed.

Terrell is perfection. Thank God I can keep watching because he may be a deadbeat Dad (ALLEGEDLY) but he is one fine specimen. 7.5 ish. Next Bethenny. She basically fell into the pool. 6.5. That David guy from Baywatch. The replacement is winning with Antonio and Terrell in the finals. Shocker.

I think y’all get the gist. I’m gonna post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

15 Comments

Filed under Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH

15 responses to “STARS!IN!DANGER!

  1. Ms Urethra Franklin

    I want a reincarnation of Battle of the (cable)Network Stars

  2. The Disher

    OMG. Tamara that was hilarious. I don’t need to watch. I just need to read your post!

  3. Thanks. I literally had to lay down before it was over. Antonio Banderas won. SPOILER ALERT! lol

    • Joan

      Can’t believe you watched it! When I saw the commerical for it I lost it – laughed out loud for quite some time. Your recap is enough for me, not gonna watch it!

    • puravidacostarica

      Antonio looked good actually, considering how many years has passed since that “Love Will Never Do (Without You)” video with Janet Jackson. He looks better than Antonio Banderas. But my hubby and I could not stop laughing. Best comedy show we’ve seen in a while (and I personally could not stand the over-the-top female MC — she needs meds).

  4. Note to doctor: Increase Tamara’s medications…

  5. lilmissdiva

    Reading your post Tamara makes me wish I watched. Too funny!

  6. OMG!!! Was laughing my ass off at yoiur description and I felt like I was sitting right next to you with my glass of wine and popcorn! Hilarious! I saw a picture of Kim and Kyle last week posted I think on your site but it may have been RealityTea, I can’t remember. Did those fools have wet suits on? Sounds hilarius. Good , I mean actually excellent blog by the way!

  7. Naa

    OH god. Would you believe the hubby was watching television last night and screams: “YOU HAVE TO GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW.” I saw the person jump in and couldn’t stop laughing. Seriously, it hurt.

  8. KWM

    Seriously best TV special ever!!!!!

    I was crying through most of it. I called my friend and told her she had to watch, I described it as Celebrity Special Olympic Diving. And trust me that is an insult to those who participate in Special Olympic programs. Because they can out dive this group.

    When Kim just jumped in the pool I thought whoever put this on TV is a genius.

  9. Chrissyt44

    I watched(well, fast forwarded thru)the whole show but your post was way better then the entire show(except the male bodies). That is 50 minutes of my life I will never get back.

  10. Ncfinedime

    Omg i live n this city. How did i miss the dive?!!!??

  11. USED2B718

    My Honey and I were going to watch this, but decided against it. Me haz the sadz.

  12. puravidacostarica

    At TT’s “what’s wrong with this picture” invitation, I offer the following:

    1) Somebody looked like they took a baseball bat to Alexandra Paul’s thighs (the replacement);

    2) Hey unnamed diver coach/really white white guy, get thee to a sunny beach or a tanning salon;

    3) JWOW, please stop eating so many oranges (oh, that’s spray tan? Okay, then your bronzer is past its sell-by date;

    4) Ever notice how cold water minimizes the male asset? Yes, Chachi or whatever your name is, we’re talking about you and your baby turtle in your swim shorts;

    5) Kim stands like she talks.

    That’s it. I personally can’t stand Kyle, but in the keeping of TT’s 2013 resolutions, I’ll just say she didn’t look half bad in her swimsuit.

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