Okay, I am trying to recap Vanderpump Rules and it seems so far they have not even had an…introduction. What is the technical term for when the title of the show comes on the TV and they play the theme song? Is there going to be one of those or will this forever be the last hour of RHOBH? I’m picking up where I left off last night for RHOBH. Brandi is gone and Lisa is consoling Sheana. Sheana is talking about how hard it was for her when it all came out in the tabloids and she was labeled a home wrecker. The rumors I heard were that Scheana herself took the story to the tabloids. Meanwhile, I love Lisa and really want to believe that she is the person we see on TV but I just have this feeling she has a decent-sized meanstreak beyond what we see on RHOBH.
So the set up is that Scheana is the poor misunderstood home wrecker and the other servers led by Stassi are mean to her. Let’s watch… Oh here is the intro with the music six or seven minutes after the hour. And, I am already annoyed by Stassi. SUR is the only restuarant in Hollywood that is nothing but wannabe actresses and models? Really? I’m pretty sure that is most every restuarant and 69% of the kids sleeping at the Greyhound Bus Station on Magnolia Boulevard.
That one girl that said in her talking head that everyone who works at SUR is good looking isn’t much to look at. And why is Scheana saying she is the new girl when she has been there three years according to Lisa? Scheana is prettier than the other girls who are already being mean to her for the evil crime of taking drinks to some uglier girls table. Okay I am totally going to be team Scheana. Sorry y’all. This blonde bitch who went to a private all girls school in New Orleans (lol um, I’m not even going to explain the New Orleans public school system here but suffice it to day going to private school in New Orleans qualifies you to be a waitress. Which she is.) Oh that dirty blonde was Stassi?
Ah, I see. Scheana worked at Villa Blanca before and Lisa moved her to SUR for the show. Scheana made the best tips and Kristen made the second highest tips. Lisa says that is why she is still here. Kristen is the one I said was not that attractive. I’ve never in my life even seen a place where they know who made the most tips, let alone discussed it later. It seems rather tacky.I’m liking the scene with the two hot guys in the bar ragging about Stassi. That was clearly the set up, but the waitress interaction seemed really genuine. “Is that the gay bar?” A better question would have been. “Is that the straight bar?” because it’s West Hollywood, a magical place that is gayer than Atlanta!
Scheana is a singer. Well, she claims that she was recruited to be a singer because she looks like Britney Spears. There is a long standing blind item at a certain other blog I like about an A list pop singer who can’t actually sing. All the clues lead to Britney. I’m just saying. Scheana’s boyfriend seems very normal. Scheana admits she is a performer not a singer. In the studio she is making some um..noises and is asked to be “less phone sex operator and more porn star.” Now there is a fine tuned vocal instruction.
Stassi and the two brunettes (Katie and Kristen?) are talking about Scheana and the brown-haired girls are trying to get Stassi to give her a chance. Scheana is on her high horse about how Scheana destroyed a marriage and a family. Chile please. Scheana got some sex and a pair of earrings from a dude who was and likely still is sleeping with half of LA. Eddie Cibrian has his pants around his ankles way more than he has them around his waist. You’re just wishing you would have gotten a go. I predict Scheana will be boinking Jax by episode three.
Lisa, Ken and the other owner of SUR are sampling sushi options to add to SUR. And they are taking about Stassi. This is worse than every RHOA scene being people talking about Kenya. Whoever the jackass of the show is gets all the focus and that is why we have so many jackholes on these shows now! Apparently Stassi is Lisa’s daughther, Pandora’s friend. Really? I find that hard to believe.
On to Kristen and Tom. I can’t imagine having sex with a metrosexual. I’ve had sex with gay men who were butcher than Tom. Oversharing? Maybe. But true. He carries a fucking murse. I’m just saying.
Apparently SUR has a choice of uniforms and Scheana chose the same one that Stassi works in. I love Scheana. (Sorry Brandi, love you too!) Stassi gets Scheana to do her sidework, and it backfires big time.
Next scene is the boys. Tom is behind the bar. Is that the same metrosexual Tom or a new one because this Tom’s hair looks like he ran a comb full of olive oil over it ten times and just let’s the oil fly all in the drinks. Sorry I have facial recognition problems. Oh Jax asked about Kristen so I guess it is the same one. I reckon I might have done him in college but these are not exactly the hottest bartenders in the world. Katies’s boyfriend’s hair is bad. Tom looks good in his talking head!
Jax and Stassi are setting us up for the breakup. I imagine this happened BEFORE filming and that is why Stassi is such a jackhole.
I liked Vanderpump rules, but I’ve been drinking Dominican beer and haven’t eaten so…I reserve the right to change my mind.