We are back at another Real Housewives of Beverly Hills dinner party from hell. Brandi has made a dramatic exit and is crying in the driveway and Lisa has sent Kyle out to comfort her I expect so that she can deal with Faye Resnick. Meanwhile all I can see is the horrific full length curtains that seem to be behind everyone. They are rumbled, in dire need of steaming and well, they are just a nightmare. If the purpose of the dinner was to see the “new dining room” I would hope someone would mention it’s a drab claustrophobic mess.
Brandi is sobbing on the curb. I don’t understand why this is such a dramatic moment. Lisa is sitting on the curb with Kyle and Brandi now. Brandi, the poor one, has a car a driver for dinner at Kyles? I really don’t understand why Kyle is in a formal gown and everyone else is in varying states of attire from corporate wear to semi-dressy. Visually this scene is a mess.
The next day, Taylor is juicing in the kitchen of her lovely rented home. I am amazed she is not already evicted. Taylor has the weirdest um…not sure what she is…a spiritualist? I can’t really take my eyes off the screen. It’s pretty hysterical. Even Taylor is having problems getting through the scene. Dear god. I can’t believe this is actually on the TV. There are no words to recap what is happening. It’s like a bad remake of The Exorcist. The chicks head is very close to doing a 360. Um they are cleansing the house now. Normally this involves a sage smudge stick but with this whackadoodle it’s all about a bell and a spray bottle of ???? Rose scented air freshener??? I dunno. The scene ends with the crazy lady promising to tell Taylor the truth about what happened with Princess Diana because Lady Di apparently shared that information with her. Um, was this on everyone else’s TV because I’m starting to worry that I am crazier than I even though. Did that actually happen?
Kyle has Marisa over to do yoga with an instructor. All during yoga the girls are bitching about the dinner party. What a kind of yoga is this? Waste of time.
Brandi and Lisa go shopping. The set up is to get Brandi do agree to do a scene on Vanderpump rules with one of Eddie’s jump-offs during their marriage. The girl’s name is Scheana and she works as Sur. Brandi says she’ll do anything to be on the spin-off! These women are not interested in anything for sale in this store. I saw Brandi tweet about her baby bump on this show. She said her trainer had a broken back or something for four months and this was the result. I expected it to look like Brandi finally ate a sandwich, but she really does look pregnant in that dress.
I had to double up on the anxiety meds today, so I don’t know if it is that, but I’m just not feeling this episode. I thought RHOA was boring last night. Is anyone else sort of burning out on this Bravo stuff?
Taylor is packing up a lunch for her daughter and there is an open cake place of canapes or little desserts sitting out uncovered on the counter. I found that odd. I also hate how the lawyer calls while the cameras just happen to be rolling on this scene. It’s all so staged. What what? Did Taylor just say she was supposed to be left with a trust from Russel for $14 million? In what universe does that make sense? I’ve read all the litigation. I’ve heard nothing about an imaginary $14 million dollar trust existing. Taylor is on the hook for $1.5 million so they are taking her wedding ring (among other things). Taylor is crying like this is a big deal. Why would you want the ring of your dead husband that you claim abused you? They also want two of her Birkin bags. These turned out to be fake, by the way. I don’t know if Bravo will mention that. Also, they tried to sell the ring on Ebay and last I heard they had no buyer. It’s probably fake too.
Haven’t hear from Yolanda in a while. I generally like her scenes. She seems to know what she is doing when she is in the kitchen and it seems refreshing normal. Well, that is if you can overlook that she is wearing a ski vest over a sleeveless top in the house in California. Gigi, the model, likes to play volleyball. Yolanda thinks she needs to stop playing so she doesn’t develop an athletic body. Gigi reminds her that when she was younger she used to wear basketball jerseys to school everyday. Yolanda says she remembers and she thought Gigi was a lesbian. Gigi looks hurt. If she is a lesbian, her mother just made it very clear that would be a problem. Enter David Foster. Despite the fact that they have a house the size of the vatican, the family is gathered around the kitchen bar to chow down on some sketti. Deep down they are the Beverly Hills Honey Boo Boo family with healthier ingrediences.
We’re at Camille’s and Brandi is dropping by. Brandi says in her talking head that she and Camille are very close. I’m pretty sure Camille took Adrienne’s side in Surrogate 2012. They don’t seem close now. What is this scene all about? Makes no sense to me. Oh she is there for advice about dealing with a cheating spouse. She tells Camille she has an opportunity to confront one of the girls. I love that Camille asked,”which one?” because Eddie apparently cannot keep his dick in his pants. Countdown until Leann gets this. Wait. Brandi went to therapy with Leann and Eddie? Camille basically says if you are going to do this spin-off with Lisa you may as well deal with her.
Oh! An Adrienne scene. Adrienne is acting like this is her baby. I’m going to go out on a limb here and think the physician with the education in the field probably had the most to do with the product. Adrienne is basically testing it.
Taylor is out on a date with her married lawyer boyfriend. She’s meeting with Lisa and Ken and Kyle and Mauricio. She tells them she settled her lawsuit for a ring and two fake Birkins. Oh Bravo editing how you amuse me.
And now for the grand finale. Scheana will face off with Brandi. Lisa is riding the fence between the two. Scheana does not seem like Eddies type. He likes anorexic blondes. Scheana apologizes and starts to cry. Brandi tells her not to cry because she lost her entire family and if anyone is going to cry here it is not going to be you. Really Brandi? Wow Brandi found out about Scheana when she went on TV and was crying that Eddie left her (Scheana!) for Leann. Brandi apparently had no idea. Scheana says she fell for Eddie, found out he had a wife and kids and then the Leann Rimes thing happened. I’m sorry, but I feel a just as bad for Scheana as I do for Brandi. Perhaps because I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a guy who forgot to mention he was married. I get what Scheana is saying. I’ve been on the vacations and seen a guy everyday for months on end with no idea he was married. Brandi just said, look where I am and look where you are, I win. Really Brandi? Wow. How great could your marriage have been if he was taking other women on vacation and spending huge amounts of time with them and you had no idea? Where did you think he was all that time? I am not buying this we had a happy marriage until Scheana came along story. Brandi says Scheana only got Tuesday nights. Scheana explains that was just not true, we went out all the time. He met Scheana’s mother. He moved her into an apartment. They went on vacations and he apparently told Eddie it was a “guys trip.” He told her they were separated. She was friends with Eddie’s friends. The bottom line is that he lied to both of them. They both believed him. Meanwhile on the graphics #vanderpump rules is already showing up. They are totally blurring these two shows together. I’ve never seen anything like this before. Guess I’ll start a new blog for Vanderpump Rules tomorrow.