Here we go. LOL at the change in translation from episode to episode from MJ calling Reza a piece of filth to calling him a piece of dirt. Same thing. Why the change? It does play into the MJ sympathy curve? I am buying the MJ sympathy storyline hook line and sinker by the way.

Reza is telling Mike that MJ has wronged him because GG said bad things about him and she didn’t stick up for him. In his talking head he says MJ is wrong for calling him fat. Well…Reza….for one you admitted on camera at the end of last season you were gaining weight. And for another MJ never called you fat, she said she sticks up for you, she was using other people calling you fat as an example. And finally, you talk about MJ being fat all the time and later in this very episode you will call Sammy fat. Fat people get called fat. Don’t ask me how I know this. Stop making excuses for your mishandling of a situation. You’ve know MJ for decades. You should treat her better than some ho who rides in on a horse from fucking Houston. END OF STORY. But I’m going to get to that.

Lilly has a sister who showed up to be on the show. I don’t think she talks like Lilly in annoying screechy voice. I really don’t know because she barely spoke before I zipped through that part.

I think the producers would have tossed Mike this season just like they did Sammy if Mike weren’t so hot. He has no storyline so they have decided to cast him in the role of therapist to the rest of the cast. His job appears to be to look hot, take off his shirt whenever possible and pretend to try to resolve Other Persians Problems (OPP). He’s down with OPP this season. He goes to visit GG who is drunk (but she claims she only drinks on camera). She must be really drunk because she makes no sense and everything she says is a contradiction. I don’t know if GG really gets that her scenes are on film. She contradicts the truth, she contradicts herself and Mike realizes that being a therapist is like hard, dude.  I can’t even recap this. Mike says it best, “Are we on the same planet? This is pretty much the last straw. People don’t want to hang out with you!”  GG goes to get her knives an retreats to be alone with them.

MJ is being an idiot. IT IS HER OFFICE. Send his ass out. Make him leave to be “with Mike.” This is a bad decision, MJ.  You have the big desk, he has the little table. Let’s see how long it takes him to move to your desk. If Keller Williams does any sort of vetting at all, they will not hire Mike anyway. Reza cannot “get him hired.” He has no experience in residential and from what I saw in the interview Mike didn’t show any game. It was clear to me in two seconds that he just wanted to move to KW because they allow cameras in the office and his place doesn’t.  I had my real estate license at 19 and was taken in by a broker for the best agency in Atlanta. But the bottom line is you have to produce. I got a hot boyfriend and moved on to other things after one sale. But no harm no foul, if  the agent isn’t making money the agency doesn’t either. I was cute and did a lot of Open House sitting one the weekends. Everyone was happy. What is Mike going to do? I don’t think he is serious about this job. It’s storyline to make him closer to the Reza humiliates MJ storyline that will be the focus of the season. Don’t even try to pretend to build a desk  at home (scripted) you will be back in your office soon.

Cut to Jefferson, Reza’s white southern brother from another mother. Wanna know who he is? He’s Reza’s Bravo handler. Who guess what? Is Reza’s best friend now and his fashion advisor. What happened to that guy last season who was advising Reza? I dunno. Not enough connections? He’s the Nene Leakes of Shahs I tell you! More product placement on the bed. This is a thing unique to Shah’s …whatever you get out of a company… borrowed Rolexes, donated ties, and clothing, you lay it out on the bed for the product placement and it is yours to borrow or keep. Jefferson is HOT HOT HOT by the way. Reza is like Mike from Jersey Shore all up in this gay joint. If Mike were even older and more desperate than he is. Um, sorry Reza. Love you! Mean it! Just keeping it 100! I’m too tired to pretend this is acceptable tonight. Sniffing twink’s armpits brings you all the way across the gay crisis line. Don’t even try to deny it. I live in Atlanta where 70% of the men are gay. I know these things. Don’t argue with a fruit fly, you won’t win.  You are straight up twink troll,  trolling on national television. /sigh.

Jermaine Jackson Jr and Asa Soltan Rahmati at Andy Cohen’s Book Signing at Sur.

Ah. Finally the Asa scene I knew was coming. I’ve been wanting to share this news with you guys for almost a year!  Asa and Jermaine Jackson Jr. are in love! This ain’t no stunt boyfriend. Asa knows she is on camera, Jermaine know he is on camera and Asa waltzes in with none of the Asa fanfare. It’s no make-up no pretense, just two lovers taking a lunch break. It’s  breath-taking. Jermaine follows the script about being surprised, but he isn’t. He knows she is coming, she knew she was going, but other than Jermaine’s  one line “What a surprise!” it’s all very natural and sweet. He has such a genuine smile when he sees her. In her talking heads however we get the made up Asa. She’s SPECTACULAR. I love her bead necklace that reminds of Chad (the country) and Libyan bedouins. Love the headdress. LOVE EVERYTHING. /sigh (this time it’s a good sigh). And yes, we know she told him what she was going to bring him and no one believes she does this every day, (didn’t we just see she’s been doing a kitchen renovation?) but what is clear is that they are in love. Jermaine has an interesting voice deep and sexy… but there is some sort of weird accent happening there. Don’t get me wrong.  I love it, but it ain’t no California thing. It’s like Madonna and her British thing.

Reza has a new client, Elvira. Oh no wait. That is Lilly. Something has happened to her hair. Perhaps hair an make-up were on a break after she drove in several times in her convertible so we could get the aerial shot. Wait that was stock footage. Nevermind. I have no explanation for her hair. Girl seems to have no idea when to stop adding clips.  The hair and the implants together…doesn’t make it hard for her not to topple over? Whatever, Lilly. I know you tried to be nice to me but I was team MJ and Reza before you were flown in. And you coming to MJ’s office and trash talking her in her own office ain’t flying with me.  WAIT WHAT? Did Lilly just accuse MJ of BOTOX? REALLY? EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT LILLY IS FAKE! Hair, nose. breasts, waistline…ALL OF IT. She’s has more surgery that Lisa Hochstein! Shut your face, Lilly! No one believes that Lilly is actually buying in Beverly Hills. No One.

And we are off to Mike’s parent’s house to introduce his brothers. They are both dentists. But the real point of the story is to set up the fact that Mike is not really going to work for Keller Williams. I know he says he has the job there, but either they agreed to let him work there for the filming season, or he is going to have a dramatic realization that residential is not for him. Expect him to go out with Reza at the most once or twice. He keeps his shirt on this scene so let’s move on. Even his brothers point out that he is a pretty face and unable to handle residential because it is an emotional business. If only Ryan Seacrest understood that before throwing him in the role of therapist. His dad is digusted and actually leaves the table. My guess is he is against the show and the cameras in general. Smart man.

The forced cast party tonight is for Tehran’s party. He is a close friend of MJ’s who is having a party and everyone will be there. I’m zipping through a Lilly scene or two. Reza of course arrives to MJ’s friends party with not just Lilly but her sister. Asa arrives and it’s Asa, Reza, the new chick and her sister and Sammy from season one!  Asa points out in her talking head that Tehran is half black and half Iranian. She is worried about his life because Iranians can be very racist. You don’t say, Asa. Did you watch last week when Reza and Mike were talking about… I forget was it Jews? “White People?” Some racist scene at a carwash, I should edit in links later. What time is it now? MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Of course Reza calls Tehran a unicorn. I’m irritated with Reza who has never actually live in Iran. Reza has no idea what is going on politically in Iran, doesn’t care, and then posts “Holiday Gift Ideas” for Iranians “Persians” which include such gems as “Persians don’t drink a lot of tea.”  I think he should have probably referred to his rulebook of “Oh hey, we are just Persians being Persian we are not representing anyone, we were not elected to anything” and not made a video about Iranians and their tea drinking habits. I think about a billion of his ancestors fell over dead again when he claimed “Persians don’t drink much tea.”  The truth is none of these people have lived in Iran past age 8. And only Asa made it that far and she is the only one that tries to incorporate her Iranian culture in her life, her art and her being. And in season one they all mocked her for that. But now suddenly this season, Reza is going to call a mixed race Iranian a unicorn? It’s a completely uneducated comment about things he knows nothing about because he was raised in Beverly Hills. You can’t fault him for his upbringing but. You can fault him for his racism. AND I HATE to bring that up here because y’all are like pit bulls on that issue but it is true. I love Reza but he is a racist and he needs to spend some time learning more about his culture. /jumps off soapbox.

Sad to hear that Asa’s Fashion week gig fell through. Can I  also say I am even sadder about MJ’s choice of dress? I love her but she needs to start wearing clothes in her size! Both too big and too small are unflattering. And carrying a big black purse in front of you does not work on film. Pictures, yes. Film no.  Meanwhile, despite the fact that this is her friend’s party. She is walking into the lion’s den. Oh MJ, while I appreciate you going right up to Reza and playing nice. It was WRONG of you to go up to Lilly and make fun of her dress! Lilly was justified in making a comment about your dress. You STARTED DRESS GATE 2012. You will never win  against someone as small as Lilly.

Asa doesn’t understand being best friends with a gay guy. Reza pretends to like Omid which means he will be a friend of the Shahs all season. Reza takes to the stage like Kenya Moore. What the fuck? Is this your party Reza? You look like Miss USA 1993 up there making an inappropriate speech. SIT YOUR ASS DOWN. Take as many seats as you need. But no, you publicly shame MJ once again in front of her friend who is throwing the event. You have nothing to do with this. If you go along with a script saying that Lilly is your new bestie that you like more than Asa and Mike and Omid then you deserve what is coming for you.  That was  50 shades of wrong. You really stood on furniture and called out your friends in order of importance? And in your talking head weeks late you say it felt good? WOW. You and Asa talk about MJ acting grade school?

Remember when Reza liked Sammy?

Sammy finally gets miked because MJ smartly booked out of there. So Sammy tries to explain to Asa and Reza that standing on furniture in a bar and pronouncing that you like Lilly the best was a total douchebag move (script or no script). Reza equating Lilly and MJ was bullshit. Lilly needed to shut the fuck up. She’s not in this. Reza feels totally justified. Then he calls Sammy fat. Asa is totally on the wrong team. MJ is the victim. Y’all are treating MJ like crap. It’s disgusting. Reza leaves and insults the host by calling him a “unicorn” again. I guess is Asa and Jermaine have kids Asa will be fine with Reza calling them unicorns. Asa and Reza were both wrong. I can hear cries of “editing” from here but they can’t edit what you don’t say.Next week it is MJ’s birthday. You only get paid for episodes you are in, so expect all the MJ haters to show up.