Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Two Divorces, Two Engagements and Some Plastic Surgery.

RHOMpic1It’s already time for the season finale of the Real Housewives of Miami? I feel like we just started. Plus, I’m having some sort of emotional girl mess today. Whatever. I am going in. The weather in Bimini looks a lot like what we had here in Atlanta today without the beautiful ocean views and the fancy hotel. Did I mention my Christmas present was dropped off outside today without so much as a knock on the door or a plastic baggie? WTF UPS?  Anyway, I would not be flying in this half-hour flight or not.

Who is this jailbird friend of Lea’s that she is name dropping now? Never heard of him. Lea says “All my friends from jail call me!” And Adrianna is all yeah you probably masturbate with them on the phone. No doubt Adrianna, no doubt.

This was Donald and Lisa Pliner's backyard!

This was Donald and Lisa Pliner’s backyard!

Someone suggests a totally not scripted healing ritual and Ana is not amused. This is why I love Ana. Marysol is appreciating the beauty of the ocean. That said, it’s as stupid as Ana suggests. It’s an opportunity to outline your storyline for season three. IF there is a season three and that’s a big IF. OOOOH. Ana is upset about her divorce. I love Ana. She was twittering today a lot about how hard this episode would be for her. Oh god ladies. This is getting serious. I am already emotionally drained from the winner of the X Factor. Let’s move on. Of course Lea is not into it. Lea will not win any academy awards for acting. RING RING? Is that a convict calling Lea?

RHOMLiasAdriana is at a recital with her son playing a piano duet. Did I miss the lead up to this? Whatever, it’s beautiful. This is all very dramatic. Joanna comes home to flowers and gifts. Suddenly, Joanna is what Romain really wants.  Whatever. He’s going to keep his dick in his pants from now on, he promises. Here, have this sponsored necklace from a local jeweler. She forgives him. Romain wants a wedding by Bravo y’all!  He must be kidding. After the recital, Adrianna and the hot French guy tell the kid they are getting married. Oprah voice “YOU GET A BRAVO WEDDING AND YOU GET A BRAVO WEDDING!”  Perhaps season three is a done deal. Oh and by the way kid, we are going to live on a boat.

Okay, Oprah, we are not all getting weddings. Some of us are getting divorced and some of us are not getting married at all. Ana is really sad about the breakup of her 23 year marriage. Even though they remain good friends and both are in other relationships. It’s always hard to totally put a relationship behind you. It must be hard now that it is the holidays. I always want to reach out to my ex. I get it. It’s difficult. Even under what seems to be the best of circumstances for Ana.

Gifs courtesy of RealityTV GIFS

Gifs courtesy of RealityTV GIFS

Marysol is divorcing the cute French guy. This makes no sense to me at all. For the record, I want to marry her French guy. I love French guys. This is a ridiculous divorce.

I don’t understand why Ana’s husband is blowing this off. I get he is being the whole joking let’s-pretend-this-is-not-happening guy but still. Really?  I don’t know who is current squeeze is, but I assure you she is no Ana. I hope she enjoys doing his laundry finally.

Marysol and Mama Elsa are dressed in Miami mother-daughter outfits talking about the divorce. Marysol invites her soon to be ex to her company’s ten year anniversary party. Mama Elsa says it is a trap. Meanwhile, Lisa is going into the OR with Daisy the maid to oversee her surgery. WTF?

Lea is trying to be nice to Lisa now. Oh no wait it’s a set up for Lisa’s next business venture. Then they bashed Karent. Just before showing her with her very ill father. Lea is so sweet, isn’t she? During all of this Bravo decides to have Karent talk with her mother about Rodolfo while her Dad is very ill in the next room. Complete Disrespect By BRAVO!  This is some pretty sick shit By Bravo!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this picture of MarysolAh plans for the house. I have been meaning to post about this but it is all so confusing. The house that Lisa and Lenny have been taping in is NOT on star island. Remember when Lea was pissed that Lisa got the house on Star Island she wanted? Well, I just assumed that was where they have been taping but apparently, it’s not and Lisa and Lenny have been before the board of whoever is in charge of building permits arguing for their right to demolish the Star Island house and start over. But apparently this is a historic house and used in a mafia movie (or whatever, it’s late, I forget and can’t be bothered to look it up.) I don’t think a decision has been made as to whether they can demolish the historic home or not. Frankly, I don’t understand why people want to do such things. Apparently, Lisa and Lenny have hired someone to say it is not structurally sound. Stay tuned. Lisa doesn’t tell Lenny she loves him very often. Sad.

Karent pretends that her stunt boyfriend is a real relationship. Even sadder.

We end with Marysol’s party. And a glimpse of the fabulous Lauren Foster. And Alexia in a really HOT dress. Ana’s girls are ready to move out. Ana isn’t.  Lea is still a bitch. Still shit stirring until the final scene. Which is a media whoring event by the Coco Peru wanna be, whats her name again? Did anyone think it was odd that Marysol would have her at her party?












Filed under Ana Quincoces, Elsa Patton, Filming Real Housewives of Miami, Joanna Krupa, Lea Black, Lisa Hochstein, Mama Elsa, Marysol Patton, Real Housewives of Miami, RHOM

27 responses to “Real Housewives of Miami Recap: Two Divorces, Two Engagements and Some Plastic Surgery.

  1. shirley

    yes I’m like wtf!! elaine?! really. and I yes lea is a bitch. and alllllll soooooo fake! I feel for my girl Marisol..

  2. This season of RHOM really did seem to go by very quickly. I do hope their will be a season 3. This is the only RH show that I actually like most of the cast. I think Mama Elsa and Lea are a hoot. I really like Ana and Marysol. The others are good for stirring up trouble. I do hope they get rid of Lisa, other then trying to have a baby, she is worthless on the show.

  3. Ms Urethra Franklin

    Most of this episode was so lifetime movie(ish). Snooze.

    My only ridiculous points of interest are Lenny has sausage nipples.
    Rodolfo is still douchey.
    Phillipe got fat , and needs to shave the scraggly gaps of hair he calls a beard.
    Romain, cute as hell, but he seems to have an eye tick. ( i would have one too if HOanna was my fiance.)

    I will keep my fat & lumpy areas and never do liposuction.
    Daisy + Morphine + boss has seen her naked = awkward
    Bye to Karen with a T for teeth/choppers.

    These bitches have the best wardrobe/shoes/jewelry of all housewives.
    Marysol’s dress at during her last talking head looked exactly like the dress that Lisa wore to Marysol’s party.

    Don’t understand the divorce story lines if there is so much love & respect between all.

    Double cheek besos to Mama Elsa, & I love her webisodes on Bravo.

    This season was so much better that the first one with that boring as hell basketball wife.

  4. DJ

    Lea’s “friend” who called her from prison – “George Martorano is the longest-serving first-time non-violent offender in the Federal Bureau of Prisons. He is now serving his 29th year. Martorano plead guilty to all 19 counts of his indictment of drug possession and distribution under the advice of his attorney Robert Simone.” Google him if you want to know more.

  5. DJ

    Lea’s “jailbird friend” – “The husband of Real Housewives of Miami star Lea Black, prominent South Florida attorney Roy Black, will represent George Martorano, a convicted drug smuggler who’s been behind bars for 27 years, in his hopes to have his life sentence in prison altered. Martorano, 61, was arrested on non-violent, drug-related charges in 1983 and pleaded guilty to 19 counts the next year, according to the Miami Herald. While the average sentence back then for such counts was three to four years, Martorano would be sentenced to life without parole in 1988 in connection with the crimes. He and others claimed the stiff sentencing was related to his lack of cooperation with investigators regarding his father Raymond “Long John” Martorano, a well-known organized crime figure who was killed in 2002. Black, according to court records, claims that Martorano’s sentencing was unlawful, and wants a new judge to review and revise the sentence.

  6. I don’t understand why Marysol and Phillipe are getting a divorce-is it because of that stupid wine fridge/humidor that didn’t match her decor? And Elsa says that Marysol will marry again??? I thought Lea’s Jailbird friend-well maybe he is also- was John Goodman. The season seemed so short compared to the 80 or was it 90 episodes of NJ. I would have much rather seen more episodes of Miami. It was very well done this year. I hope Bravo leaves out Thomas Kramer next season-what a creeper. Happy Holidays to all!

    • It was weird in that while Marysol clearly has feelings for Phillipe, he seemed to treat her more like a sister then a wife. He’s moved on and is in another relationship, while she keeps holding out for a reunion that ain’t gonna happen. I hope she does finally get the divorce, and move on.

    • DJ

      John Goodman? The guy who called Lea from prison is George Martorano. I turned on my closed-captioning to get the name right and Googled him. He was involved in a very large drug smugging ring and was sentenced to life in prison.

  7. Ueretha thought most of my thoughts. Those nipples were HUGE and flat. And the eye spas from Romain? It would be fun to edit in an “AHHOOOOGAH” sound each time he did it. Watch the scene again with AHHOOOOOGAHs.

    Mama Elsa had a GIANT bruise on the back of her hand. Did anyone see it? It was purpley yellowey reddish. Like older people sometimes get from IVs.

    The flowers in the water scene was so lame. There was one perfect Baywatch moment: the waves are lapping around the ladies ankles and the sea is churning. Cut to two peaceful flowers floating in a still lake. Back to the ladies in the wind and surf. Duh.

    Overall, it seemed like a wrap everything up in a bow and end it nicey nicey finale. Which literally put me to sleep. I think I missed the last 20 minutes or so.

    • From pictures I have seen on the internet, and TT may know more about this, but there was evidently a scene cut from the show that had Elsa going to a plastic surgeon to see if she could have the silicone removed from her face. She had some bloodwork done and thus the bruises. I have tiny veins that roll whenever I have blood drawn or an IV put in and I get bruises just like that. One time when I had blood drawn when I was pregnant the bruising was horrible. My whole left arm was balck and blue for weeks.

    • DJ

      Mama Elsa has had that bruise on the back of her hand for quite a while. I noticed it weeks ago.

    • DJ

      In the last few episodes, Mama Elsa has also had a large red/purple bruise on her left cheek near her eye, so it would appear that someone may have been doing some work on her face.

    • There was also a rather large bruise on her hand, so I hope she is O.K.

    • Don't Steal... The Government Hates Competition

      Mama Elsa is still a scary ugly cyclops looking creature. I really hope Bravo spares our eyes next season (if another season exist).

  8. I liked the recap at the end that said that Karent chose to follow her friends advice and is no longer seeing her stunt boyfriend, and that Romain and Joanna are no longer looking at marriage just yet, although I’ve seen photos of the two still together. I too love Ana and hope she finally manages to make a cleaner break from her ex and moves on with her life. Let him pay someone to do his laundry.

  9. Vp

    I just into Miami, there better be season 3!

  10. Madame Du Bois

    Happy Holidays Everyone!

    I tried to keep one eye on the TV and one eye on my gift wrapping. The gifts won. This was so anti-climactic as far as the RH franchise goes. Marysol doesn’t seem too sad to let go of her “green card” husband. She needs to spend more time with Momma Elsa…I think the bruises are from falling, my mom gets those from the littlest things. Ana,for all her bluster, is still Robert’s bitch. WTF?? Two decades or not,you don’t do the dudes laundry, unless you are just really jazzed about laundry (and who isn’t???). Robert, frankly reminds me of Howard K Stern…total ambulance chaser. I agree with another blogger about Adrianna’s recital. Who knew? Did you see the faces of the parents?? LOL. Even funnier was Lisa’s attempts @ taking care of Daysy (who has had more surgery than any RH to date). The editing made it look like the just dropped her in bed and left! Mmm-K, bye! Just like being a MIA mom! It all felt so cobbled together and half assed, I just didn’t feel anything for these characters,um I mean “housewives”. Now when does “Downton Abbey” start?

  11. pffft

    Don’t Steal… The Government Hates Competition, we can do without your bull shit comments next season.

  12. I’m glad I was not the only one distracted by Lenny’s nipples. I found myself pausing to try to figure out what was wrong with them. They didn’t seem that big, or really unusual to me. I just felt like something was wrong with them and could not take my eyes off of them.

  13. Ana’s husband’s behavior turned me off as well. With just that glimpse of seeing him deal with problems, I could see where things could go bad.

  14. shellbelle

    Did anyone else notice Romains crazy eye tic? I couldn’t pay attention to what was going on because his eyes were going nuts!

  15. Who broke up with who with Ana and her ex? It’s a weird dynamic and I can’t say anything bad about him without understanding the history.

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