It’s already time for the season finale of the Real Housewives of Miami? I feel like we just started. Plus, I’m having some sort of emotional girl mess today. Whatever. I am going in. The weather in Bimini looks a lot like what we had here in Atlanta today without the beautiful ocean views and the fancy hotel. Did I mention my Christmas present was dropped off outside today without so much as a knock on the door or a plastic baggie? WTF UPS? Anyway, I would not be flying in this half-hour flight or not.
Who is this jailbird friend of Lea’s that she is name dropping now? Never heard of him. Lea says “All my friends from jail call me!” And Adrianna is all yeah you probably masturbate with them on the phone. No doubt Adrianna, no doubt.
Someone suggests a totally not scripted healing ritual and Ana is not amused. This is why I love Ana. Marysol is appreciating the beauty of the ocean. That said, it’s as stupid as Ana suggests. It’s an opportunity to outline your storyline for season three. IF there is a season three and that’s a big IF. OOOOH. Ana is upset about her divorce. I love Ana. She was twittering today a lot about how hard this episode would be for her. Oh god ladies. This is getting serious. I am already emotionally drained from the winner of the X Factor. Let’s move on. Of course Lea is not into it. Lea will not win any academy awards for acting. RING RING? Is that a convict calling Lea?
Adriana is at a recital with her son playing a piano duet. Did I miss the lead up to this? Whatever, it’s beautiful. This is all very dramatic. Joanna comes home to flowers and gifts. Suddenly, Joanna is what Romain really wants. Whatever. He’s going to keep his dick in his pants from now on, he promises. Here, have this sponsored necklace from a local jeweler. She forgives him. Romain wants a wedding by Bravo y’all! He must be kidding. After the recital, Adrianna and the hot French guy tell the kid they are getting married. Oprah voice “YOU GET A BRAVO WEDDING AND YOU GET A BRAVO WEDDING!” Perhaps season three is a done deal. Oh and by the way kid, we are going to live on a boat.
Okay, Oprah, we are not all getting weddings. Some of us are getting divorced and some of us are not getting married at all. Ana is really sad about the breakup of her 23 year marriage. Even though they remain good friends and both are in other relationships. It’s always hard to totally put a relationship behind you. It must be hard now that it is the holidays. I always want to reach out to my ex. I get it. It’s difficult. Even under what seems to be the best of circumstances for Ana.
Marysol is divorcing the cute French guy. This makes no sense to me at all. For the record, I want to marry her French guy. I love French guys. This is a ridiculous divorce.
I don’t understand why Ana’s husband is blowing this off. I get he is being the whole joking let’s-pretend-this-is-not-happening guy but still. Really? I don’t know who is current squeeze is, but I assure you she is no Ana. I hope she enjoys doing his laundry finally.
Marysol and Mama Elsa are dressed in Miami mother-daughter outfits talking about the divorce. Marysol invites her soon to be ex to her company’s ten year anniversary party. Mama Elsa says it is a trap. Meanwhile, Lisa is going into the OR with Daisy the maid to oversee her surgery. WTF?
Lea is trying to be nice to Lisa now. Oh no wait it’s a set up for Lisa’s next business venture. Then they bashed Karent. Just before showing her with her very ill father. Lea is so sweet, isn’t she? During all of this Bravo decides to have Karent talk with her mother about Rodolfo while her Dad is very ill in the next room. Complete Disrespect By BRAVO! This is some pretty sick shit By Bravo!
Ah plans for the house. I have been meaning to post about this but it is all so confusing. The house that Lisa and Lenny have been taping in is NOT on star island. Remember when Lea was pissed that Lisa got the house on Star Island she wanted? Well, I just assumed that was where they have been taping but apparently, it’s not and Lisa and Lenny have been before the board of whoever is in charge of building permits arguing for their right to demolish the Star Island house and start over. But apparently this is a historic house and used in a mafia movie (or whatever, it’s late, I forget and can’t be bothered to look it up.) I don’t think a decision has been made as to whether they can demolish the historic home or not. Frankly, I don’t understand why people want to do such things. Apparently, Lisa and Lenny have hired someone to say it is not structurally sound. Stay tuned. Lisa doesn’t tell Lenny she loves him very often. Sad.
Karent pretends that her stunt boyfriend is a real relationship. Even sadder.
We end with Marysol’s party. And a glimpse of the fabulous Lauren Foster. And Alexia in a really HOT dress. Ana’s girls are ready to move out. Ana isn’t. Lea is still a bitch. Still shit stirring until the final scene. Which is a media whoring event by the Coco Peru wanna be, whats her name again? Did anyone think it was odd that Marysol would have her at her party?