On this week’s recap of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we are back at Mauricio’s big business launch party and everything has gone to shit. Taylor and Brandi’s gay friends are asking if they are okay. Well okay, allegedly gay. Darin is supposedly straight. Kyle of course blames Kim for ruining Mauricio’s event. Because, you know it just organically happened and Kyle had no idea about the script. So she once again throws her recently rehabbed sister under the bus. Mauricio on the other hand did read the script. By the way, Mauricio looks like shit. Is it the beard or what? Mauricio’s script says to fuck with Brandi rather than defend her from Paul, so that is what he does. That makes him look even worse. Brandi apologizes.
Camille is trying to cover for Adrienne as a fellow surrogacy mom. Camille is says “We don’t know if it is true.” Oh bullshit everyone knows, Camille. At least you didn’t take pictures of a pillow shoved up your dress to make your kids think you birthed them. Allegedly. According to the script. Don’t sue me, sue Bravo, again. Public knowledge. I have not money, etc. Kyle says to Kim,” You don’t have to be rude to me.” Um, irony? Thy name is Kyle.
Taylor is sooo overacting. She looks at the camera and asks how her lips look. Okay she doesn’t but there was a thought bubble over her head. Camille and Taylor both think Brandi saying that Adrienne used a gestational carrier? surrogate? to carry her kids is wrong. It’s not like it was a big secret it was one of the first things on the blogs when RHOBH hit the air. Brandi was not telling us something we did not already know. Adrienne and Paul bringing a lawsuit make it a HUGE deal. Bravo airing the scene with no sound made it EVEN HUGER because IT WAS ALREADY OUT THERE!.
Taylor is reaching for storyline trying to say Camille talking about Taylor’s abuse is the same thing. Camille shuts her down saying, this is not about you Taylor, we get a storyline this season too, dammit! (I paraphrase). Brandi’s hair and vest is unfortunate. Kyle now wants to blame Brandi for saying the truth in the first place. Allegedly, according to Brandi. Sue her. She is getting book royalties soon for a book that she wrote only slightly more than Teresa Giudice wrote a cookbook or three. Not me. No one reads this blog anyway. Look! I barely have ADs at all!
This is when Camille falls out with Brandi. Way to pick the wrong side Camille. However, according to the script, Brandi has lots more bashing to come, so for airtime purposes, I suppose you’ve made the smart decision. Plus you could pick up some of Adrienne’s properties for cheap here really soon. Carry on. Did I mention Brandi’s unfortunate outfit? It was horrid from head to toe. She leaves with Darin. Another stunt boyfriend?
Kim goes to Pilates as part of her therapy. Kim says Kyle started the whole thing at Lisa’s party. Kyle lit the fuse. I told Adrienne what she needed to know. Oh, Kim, your brain is starting to work! Kim has AA meetings set up all over Las Vegas and even has meetings that will come to her room! She is feeling very supported by her daughters.
Mauricio is being a dick. He wants her to uninvite Brandi. But he knows he and Kyle are too classy for that. Ummhmmm. Next Kyle goes to get Faye to be the bitch at the party. She invites her to the dining room and fills her in on who to go in on. I believe it is Ana from RHOM who likes to quote the age old adage, “Show me your friends and I will show you who you are.” Why wasn’t Faye at the opening for Mauricio’s agency if she is BFF’s with Kyle? Gee Bravo, plothole much? Clearly a back shoot to cover the script.
Oh look it’s a Vanderpump Rules ad in the middle of RHOBH. SHOCKER!
Oh I had forgotten about Yolanda. Look at her. She is very athletic. Who cares. She wants to out live David. Who could blame her?
Brandi shares with Lisa about the Mauricio event situation. She shares that Adrienne is the one feeding storyline to Radar Online. Lisa gets now that Adrienne was the one actually selling stories. Adrienne doesn’t need the money but she needs the publicity. This is how it ALL got leaked once again during filming. During the divorce, one went to TMZ and one went to Radar Online. Because, you know it is about the children.
Ken is doing great after his surgery. He’s busy screwing with Lisa (not like that just yet as she has gates installed in the driveway of their new house. Brandi goes to see Ken after surgery and he is doing great running around the garden. He flashes Brandi his scar. It’s pretty big! I hope he hired a plastic surgeon to do the closure.
Kyle is having a dinner party for eight women so she hires a caterer. I guess this makes sense. It makes things a lot easier, It is the intro of the new “friend of the housewives” Marisa Zanuck. She is I believe a realtor who used to work with Mauricio. Ugh Faye Resnick is there. I think the men at the door with big weird drinks is odd and not really welcoming. Let me get in the door first. And I’m a drinker! Brandi is nervous. She tends to say inappropriate things when nervous. Lisa is already trying to reel her in. Brandi looks two feet taller than the other girls. Seriously.
Kyle has placecards. I mean Bravo has placecards. Kyle thanks Faye for decorating Kyles new dining room. Yolanda is not there because she is at Donna Summer’s funeral with the love of her life. Kim is on her Vegas trip with her son for his 21st birthday. Kyle was not invited. (Sorry I got caught up in The Voice so I am sort of blogging out of order here, think of it as Bravo editing). Adrienne did not come because she’s too pissed off. Brandi’s boobs need a bra. Lopsided. I’m just saying. I’m big on undergarments. Kyle is saying that Adrienne does have a book deal. Brandi said her book agent says she doesn’t. Brandi says she may have bought one since Ojai and that is apparently the cure for Faye Resnick’s line.
Faye says that is an over the top comment. Is Faye friends with Adrienne? I dunno. Brandi makes it clear that Adrienne doesn’t know her. So I am hoping Brandi tells her to shut the fuck up. But it seems she is on a short leash tonight. Kyle says they should try to mend fences because the all have
to film together things to celebrate together. Kyle does not want to be in the middle. Faye wants to know what Adrienne did to upset her. Brandi basically says without mentioning filming that Adrienne wanted her to take her side against Lisa at the last reunion and she would not so she became Adrienne’s enemy number one. Oh wait, she actually mentions the reunion. Faye’s role is obviously to shit stir again.
Lisa in a talking head points out that Faye is Kyle’s mouthpiece. So while Kyle is sitting there like butter would not melt in her mouth, Faye is going to do the dirty work. Brandi asks why Faye is so interested out of everyone at the table and we get the regular housewife lie. Faye say’s “Oh, I’ve known Adrienne for 25 years.” if that is true it would be a first in the history of Bravo. Wait WHUT? Faye’s step daughters were dating the Maloof brothers? Does this make sense to anyone else? I’m trying to have a beer here and am not looking into this shit tonight. But how old is Faye to have been married 25 years ago to someone with girls who were of age to date Adrienne’s brothers. I believe she is the baby sister, am I wrong there?
Faye asks a practical stranger, Brandi, “Have you called her and apologized?” REALLY? What is up with the Bravo script. I believe we are still on the salad course here Faye. I realize none of you actually eat but there is a certain cadence to dinner that is not conducive to butting in to a serious personal issue of someone you don’t know from Adam before the meat dish arrives. If Brandi is not going to say I am, “Shut the FUCK Up, Faye!” OMG. LOL I just hit play and Brandi says, “I don’t know Faye from Adam and she should just shut the fuck up!” I’m
psychotic. psychic! Jewelry interjection. I love the cuffs Kyle is wearing at dinner.
script says for Brandi to send flowers point of dinner is to get Brandi to apologize and head off the lawsuit. Lisa points out Kyle’s hypocrisy and she starts with the finger in Lisa’s face. OH NOES DEAR, Lisa will not have that. Side note. LOVE the floral arrangement. Nice job whoever the florist is (clearly not the one Adrienne uses). Faye says Brandi is really not sorry because she is not sending flowers. Kyle’s talking head blames Brandi. This will not end well. Why does Faye even have a talking head. Faye says this is everyone’s business. Marisa steps in to defend Brandi. Faye is all, oh Marisa you don’t know Brandi. Brandi says, “Neither do you!” (point Brandi) Faye makes it clear she gets information from Kyle that makes her dislike Brandi. Whatever Faye again, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Lisa is not speaking up enough. Faye shut Marisa down. Faye is calling Brandi out and saying Brandi is going to call her out now. Faye brings the Kim and Brandi fight up. Brandi tastefully leaves. Faye is the cuntiest cunt that ever cunted. What? I’m just saying.
Next week Taylor gets sued for everything including her wedding ring. Scheana and Brandi have a sit down. Oh Lord. Scripted or not this is going to be GOOOOOD, Y’all.