And here we go with Real Housewives of Miami… James/Elaine comes to Lea’s son’s birthday party (Because why? Oh I know, because s/he can’t miss a moment of camera time) dragging Lisa Pliner in his wake for back-up. Lisa, who is also looking for some airtime. spits her lines out immediately by trashing Marysol. Nothing keeps you off the editing floor like good old-fashioned vitriol. The producers of RHOM practically film themselves holding cue cards this show is so scripted. I’m guessing entrances were filmed and refilmed more than a scene from Days of Our Lives. Lisa’s lines include things like “Marysol was attacking me. She told me to hire Lauren and not James.” Oh that Marysol, so confrontational, that one. Sigh. Shouldn’t the lines sort of make the storyline coherent instead of completely misstating what we saw on the last episode? Everyone in the room including Alexia, is acting like James is in the right. Alexia was not even there to witness the seven-foot man in a dress shouting at Marysol.
Ana tells her daughters what happened at Thomas Kramer’s she was very accurate in the retelling. Ana is hurt and still angry with Marysol for, in her mind, siding with Thomas. Her daughters tell her that she and Marysol will get past it. That ends the respite of sanity.
At Lisa’s house she has in-laws arriving. Lenny smartly is working late leaving Lisa to deal with his parents with only the housekeeper for backup. They are something else. Pressuring for grandchildren and being bossy.
Marysol has invited Elaine to her office to try to work out a peace treaty. Elaine is wearing that hideous wig. I cannot stress this enough, it’s the one from the shoe show that looks sort of like an old-fashion nun’s habit. Elaine is also dressed like a war general in a dress complete with a chest full of “medals” and military braiding. Marysol says she likes James but Elaine is a bit too bitchy. Marysol is very uncomfortable. Marysol tries to explain that Lisa Pliner came to her looking for ways to save money on the event. It was not that she went to Lisa and said don’t hire Elaine. It was a business discussion over money. Elaine calls Marysol a liar. Elaine wants Marysol to admit she is out to get her. Marysol is apologizing for the bad will between them and asking to move forward. Elaine is texting (probably Lea) on her little pink iPhone. The meeting ended with no one smoking the peace pipe.
Lisa goes to an acupunturist with her friend. The acupuncture is supposed to help her keep a baby to term. Lots of sad discussion.
There was a scene with Karent cleaning Rodolfo’s teeth I forwarded through it. Because, ew. Next in this frenzy of choppy scenes (Did Purveyors of Pop produce Liz and Dick? This is all very similar.) is dinner with Joanna, Romain, Lisa, Lenny, Karent and Rodolpho. The mission seems to be discover if Rodolfo is a scumbag. They could have just asked me.
Lisa is not the only one with in-laws in town. Frederic’s parents flew in from Paris
for some camera time to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Frederic’s name-dropping so far includes Christian Dior (his mother’s dear friend) and Jacque Cousteau (His father was his underwater photographer). Yawn…. it seems very late. I do like Frederic and his parents though. Much more than Lenny’s parents.
Joanna and Marta’s mother has flown in as well to stay with Marta when the girls go to Bimini. Because…????? Twenty somethings need constant supervision? Or perhaps so Marta won’t be alone with Romain. Joanna and her mother discuss whether or not she should marry Romain. Again, these people just need to ask me.
Back at Lisa’s house, we’re having another dreaded dinner party. It’s a seder meant to acknowledge Lenny’s Jewish parents. All the mother’s are there. We’ve got Lenny’s Russian mother, Joanna’s Polish mother, Marysol’s Cuban mother and Lea who has turned out to be quite the Conniving Mother herself. What can possibly go wrong here? Lenny’s mother, ever the diplomat, introduces herself and then begins giving a speech on Obama and his socialist ways. Mama Elsa, I believe, calls him an animal and Joanna’s mother tries to squash the political discussion. Before we can see any more unscripted discussion, it’s time to eat. Let’s see what the polite dinner conversation will be. Lisa gave a lovely toast about how lucky they all are to be in America. The seder seems to have gone well. Nice job, Lisa. Apparently everyone can behave when their parents are sitting next to them.
Oh. Now we have to have another dinner for Frederic’s parents 50th anniversary. Before everything goes to shit, let’s just take a moment to appreciate the beautiful table. The flowers are stunning, the gold place settings and gold-rimmed stemware is lovely. Okay, let’s hit play and see how much of it survives. OH.MY.GAWD. Thomas Kramer has been invited. He clearly sucks more production dick than anyone, including James, who I haven’t seen yet. Marysol refused to come because of Thomas. I assume Ana did too. When Lea’s husband arrive’s Thomas shouts “Ah, the man who keeps all of us out of jail!” It takes many lawyers on many continents to keep Thomas out of jail. Oh god, did I just seem James? Right there up Lea’s ass? Well, yes, yes I believe I did. Apparently, he is friendly with production as well. The jewelry is fabulous, as usual Lea’s costume pieces beat everyone else’s real stuff. Adrianna comes out in a full on Carnival costume and does the Brazilian chicken dance.
Next week, the girls are all going to Bimini for the weekend to do some bonding and let bygones be bygones. Apparently, there is some sort of Latin method for this that involves investigating Rodolfo and blowing up some pictures of him making out with another woman. Then, the tradition appears to be, to confront Karent en masse about the fact her man is a cheating scumbag. What a lovely tradition. I don’t even like Karent and this is just an awful thing to do. Some of these people should have just said no that script.