Real Housewives of Miami: Parental Discretion Advised

Here is Marysol being confrontational with Elaine….#eyeroll

And here we go with Real Housewives of Miami… James/Elaine comes to Lea’s son’s birthday party (Because why? Oh I know, because s/he can’t miss a moment of camera time) dragging Lisa Pliner in his wake for back-up. Lisa, who is also looking for some airtime. spits her lines out immediately by trashing Marysol. Nothing keeps you off the editing floor like good old-fashioned vitriol. The producers of RHOM practically film themselves holding cue cards this show is so scripted. I’m guessing entrances were filmed and refilmed more than a scene from Days of Our Lives. Lisa’s lines include things like “Marysol was attacking me. She told me to hire Lauren and not James.” Oh that Marysol, so confrontational, that one. Sigh. Shouldn’t the lines sort of make the storyline coherent instead of completely misstating what we saw on the last episode? Everyone in the room including Alexia, is acting like James is in the right. Alexia was not even there to witness the seven-foot man in a dress shouting at Marysol.

Ana tells her daughters what happened at Thomas Kramer’s she was very accurate in the retelling. Ana is hurt and still angry with Marysol for, in her mind, siding with Thomas. Her daughters tell her that she and Marysol will get past it. That ends the respite of sanity.

At Lisa’s house she has in-laws arriving. Lenny smartly is working late leaving Lisa to deal with his parents with only the housekeeper for backup. They are something else. Pressuring for grandchildren and being bossy.

Marysol has invited Elaine to her office to try to work out a peace treaty. Elaine is wearing that hideous wig. I cannot stress this enough, it’s the one from the shoe show that looks sort of like an old-fashion nun’s habit. Elaine is also dressed like a war general in a dress complete with a chest full of “medals” and military braiding. Marysol says she likes James but Elaine is a bit too bitchy. Marysol is very uncomfortable. Marysol tries to explain that Lisa Pliner came to her looking for ways to save money on the event. It was not that she went to Lisa and said don’t hire Elaine. It was a business discussion over money. Elaine calls Marysol a liar. Elaine wants Marysol to admit she is out to get her. Marysol is apologizing for the bad will between them and asking to move forward. Elaine is texting (probably Lea) on her little pink iPhone. The meeting ended with no one smoking the peace pipe.

Lisa goes to an acupunturist with her friend. The acupuncture is supposed to help her keep a baby to term.  Lots of sad discussion.

There was a scene with Karent cleaning Rodolfo’s teeth I forwarded through it. Because, ew. Next in this frenzy of choppy scenes (Did Purveyors of Pop produce Liz and Dick? This is all very similar.) is dinner with Joanna, Romain, Lisa, Lenny, Karent and Rodolpho. The mission seems to be discover if Rodolfo is a scumbag. They could have just asked me.

Lisa is not the only one with in-laws in town. Frederic’s parents flew in from Paris for some camera time to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Frederic’s name-dropping so far includes Christian Dior (his mother’s dear friend) and Jacque Cousteau (His father was his underwater photographer). Yawn…. it seems very late. I do like Frederic and his parents though. Much more than Lenny’s parents.

Joanna and Marta’s mother has flown in as well to stay with Marta when the girls go to Bimini. Because…????? Twenty somethings need constant supervision? Or perhaps so Marta won’t be alone with Romain. Joanna and her mother discuss whether or not she should marry Romain. Again, these people just need to ask me.

Back at Lisa’s house, we’re having another dreaded dinner party. It’s a seder meant to acknowledge Lenny’s Jewish parents. All the mother’s are there. We’ve got Lenny’s Russian mother, Joanna’s Polish mother, Marysol’s Cuban mother and Lea who has turned out to be quite the Conniving Mother herself. What can possibly go wrong here? Lenny’s mother, ever the diplomat, introduces herself and then begins giving a speech on Obama and his socialist ways. Mama Elsa, I believe, calls him an animal and Joanna’s mother tries to squash the political discussion. Before we can see any more unscripted discussion, it’s time to eat. Let’s see what the polite dinner conversation will be. Lisa gave a lovely toast about how lucky they all are to be in America. The seder seems to have gone well. Nice job, Lisa. Apparently everyone can behave when their parents are sitting next to them.

Oh. Now we have to have another dinner for Frederic’s parents 50th anniversary. Before everything goes to shit, let’s just take a moment to appreciate the beautiful table. The flowers are stunning, the gold place settings and gold-rimmed stemware is lovely. Okay, let’s hit play and see how much of it survives. OH.MY.GAWD. Thomas Kramer has been invited. He clearly sucks more production dick than anyone, including James, who I haven’t seen yet. Marysol refused to come because of Thomas. I assume Ana did too. When Lea’s husband arrive’s Thomas shouts “Ah, the man who keeps all of us out of jail!” It takes many lawyers on many continents to keep Thomas out of jail. Oh god, did I just seem James? Right there up Lea’s ass? Well, yes, yes I believe I did. Apparently, he is friendly with production as well. The jewelry is fabulous, as usual Lea’s costume pieces  beat everyone else’s real stuff. Adrianna comes out in a full on Carnival costume and does the Brazilian chicken dance.

Next week, the girls are all going to Bimini for the weekend to do some bonding and let bygones be bygones.  Apparently, there is some sort of Latin method for this that involves investigating Rodolfo and blowing up some pictures of him making out with another woman. Then, the tradition appears to be, to confront Karent en masse about the fact her man is a cheating scumbag. What a lovely tradition. I don’t even like Karent and this is just an awful thing to do. Some of these people should have just said no that script.


















Filed under Ana Quincoces, Elsa Patton, Filming Real Housewives of Miami, Joanna Krupa, Lea Black, Lisa Hochstein, Marysol Patton, Real Housewives of Miami, RHOM

10 responses to “Real Housewives of Miami: Parental Discretion Advised

  1. Joan

    I’m listening to a beautiful assortment of Christmas music on itunes and then I run across this – well, I did point my cursor here….so I take responsibility for that part. Now I’m just angry at myself for reading this. I have no idea why these women get on my last nerve, but they do. It’s like watching a train wreck about to fall right in front of you. I know all the RHO shows are scripted to have these wacky women do ugly things….but it’s becoming redundant…..every show has one character complaining about another one.. Or the smalls against the Talls. Then there’s the dynamic of who is more of a whore than another…..or the ubiquous argument of whose money is “real”…..or gained by keeping a certain rich man sexually happy day by day. Can’t we get back to the girls getting together for a meal – and test out who makes the best meat balls? Or, biscuits? None of these women seem emotionally mature, not even MaMa Elsa. I’ve stopped watching it after the garbage of Lela’;s event.
    Doesn’t BRAVO know to check these women out? I mean, they could certainly do credit, criminal background checks, just to comfort their viewers. Heck – they in one instance, they were filming in a house that didn’t even belong to the Housewive they were filming.

    Ok BRAVO – you’ve had a few years experience now. We expect more from you. Push the past behind ya, and find some REAL women with money – in NYC, San Francisco, Capital Hill, there are plenty of Divas in those big, wealthy cities. that would want to get face time on a program that so many gawkers thrive on from week to week. BUT – this is the trick, no women drama…..instead, I suggest they are ptted against one another in society….whether it’s a huge fund raiser, giant dinner party ya know; old money vs. new money. That would certainly give all the women lots of shopping trips, jealousy from the other women over jewelry, clothes, even fashion shows. Whoooooooo here’s another one – have all the women married to men that make less than the wife….and let’s see what happens. Obviously, the season will be about these women and how they handle/mangle their husbands, events, the lowly workers who put these things together, and as each wife attends each event, there’s gonna be jealousy, pulling of hair over the use of the wrong color of jewels on someone’s neck……Just keep thinking of the most ridiculous things a rich, spoiled woman would do without thinking of any fall out. After all – she is beautiful, rich, people fall before her in adoration…… Are you listening Andy?

  2. Nicole

    Good for Marisol for trying to make peace. Don’t like Elaine – she is a bitch. Love Frederick’s parents. They are very hip Europeans.

  3. Katrina

    Does Purveyor of Pop produce this? Is this the company that is producing Kim Z.’s show? Is this a new production company?

  4. I think The RHOM is becoming my favorite of the franchises. You can just sit back and not care what happens to any of the cast. In fact I rather enjoy it when something bad happens to any of them.
    I like Lea the best, if only for her cackle. Is it just me or does her son RJ looks possessed.
    Lisa is my least favorite character, she is so vapid and Barbie like. I can understand why her in-laws don’t care for her.
    Elaine is another freak, I don’t know why Bravo keeps putting stereotypes out there to represent gay people.

  5. Cameron

    How are they stretching this franchise into a FULL season? Just goes to show money can’t buy you a hit. It’s the same story lines over and over again and they’re not working any time: Marysol v. Elaine; Old wives v. New wives; Karent v. the everyone but the new girls; Mama Elsa v. Elaine; Lisa v. infertility. There’s not enough music montages, color saturation, or plastic surgery to save it. The bottom line is, even with the reboot it’s still not good tv. RHOM has worn out its welcome. Bravo, we need to talk about pulling out the tubes, it’s not right to watch anything in this much pain suffer like this.

  6. Olive

    I agree with every word you said. I have been telling anyone who will listen how scripted this mess of a show is. I cracked up when you called Elaine a 7ft man, because, well, sometimes the truth is the best comedy. You were so right, her ginormous wig is hideous. He walks like he is balancing that horrible thing when he isn’t wearing it. I think he looks like Mimi Bobeck gone horribly wrong.. And that is difficult to pull off. What do people hire her to do anyway? A balancing act?

    Ana and her girls are very sensible, but I have to ask – Am I the only one who’s tempted to call TMZ with info on where to find Khloe Kardashians real mother? :)

    Lastly, I feel horrible for Lisa.. I know people yap about her past, but wtfever. I think it’s horrible to think you’ve failed at the one thing we as wives, and women are thought to have control of. Her husband needs to think about his words/actions before Mrs.Lisa gets preggers and leaves with the baby and half his bank account. She will never forget what he is saying now… Btw, stress isn’t helping in her efforts to conceive. Those who are pressing the issue should back off and stop talking about.. It will happen when and if it’s supposed to.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  7. I love the photo of Elaine yelling at at Marysol like marysol’s house just landed on Elaine’s sister.

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