I can’t believe how much of the premiere Bravo is showing online. I really think y’all have seen pretty much everything.  I’m shocked you’ve seen both of Nene’s scenes. I was sure they would save the Tyler Perry phone call moment for the show. You’ve seen one of Kandi’s scenes setting up her storyline with Todd. You’ve seen Kim’s eviction crisis scene. Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think you’ve seen either of Phaedra’s scenes which is weird because she is on the promo tour with Porsha who has no scenes in the opening episode (she was mysteriously added in after filming began). The scenes they are showing on the promo tour with Phaedra and Porsha are from later in the season. That leaves us with Cynthia and Kenya’s scenes.  Let’s get to those.

Both Cynthia and Kenya have scenes with their men. In Cynthia’s case she has two men for her scene, Peter and Leon. Leon is apparently visiting and staying in the house with Cynthia, Peter and Leon and Cynthia’s daughter, Noelle. That was an awkward sentence to type and the scene itself was just as awkward. Leon and Peter seem to get along better than Peter and Cynthia. I don’t want to spoil the few scenes you have left to see, so I’ll just say the conversation is about homeschooling.

I need to go off topic here a bit to talk about the RHOA and their problems with their school-aged kids. The best thing about Kim running her mouth and getting herself evicted and sent back to her old condo is Brielle getting back into her old school district. While both schools are pretty decent Brielle was being bullied in school while living in the Roswell house. She seems much happier back in her old school with her old Johns Creek crew. So she’s fine. But Nene and Cynthia both yanked their kids out to “homeschool” them. Nene’s youngest, Brentt is with her flying back and forth from Atlanta to L.A.  all the time.  I assume Nene has him in some sort of online homeschool program. He’s missing “the high school experience”  in favor of hanging out on the set of The New Normal with both his parents. While I am off topic can I just say once again Gregg and Nene NEVER SEPARATED. My huge pet peeve is the “getting back together” storyline. Sure they had some issues and got a legal divorce but throughout the whole thing, they never really broke up and are currently joined at the hip. So this whole Gregg came back for the money is a load of bullshit.  Back to the homeschool stuff, Cynthia yanked Noelle out of school for her 8th grade year. Cynthia lives in a not so great school district so if she was in public school I could see that being a decent idea depending on what program she placed her in. Now it is time for highschool and her scene with her two men is about that. If she sends her to high school she needs to be in private school. Or she needs to move to Sheree’s school district. Sheree’s kids are in a great public charter school.

Kenya also has a scene with her man. Oh wait! I just realized Kenya has THREE SCENES so obviously her thug routine is playing well with Bravo. Her man is a seemingly nice regular Joe who is wearing a South Dekalb Towing workshirt. Kenya apparently wants to get married and have babies ASAP. So she has that in common with Kandi. Maybe those two can get along? Nah, no one is going to get along with Kenya, not even Kandi who can put up with anything. *cough* Kim *cough*  So anyway, we meet Kenya’s man who lives with her.

Let me explain something about Kenya to y’all. She is NOT A HOUSEWIFE and she is NOT FROM ATLANTA and DIDN’T LIVE HERE until the show started filming. She’s some bullshit woman from Detroit who moved here after being cast. Also, my sources say, she was Nene’s suggestion to Bravo but their relationship went south almost immediately when filming began. Nene hates her now. Keep this in mind as she talks about her 7,000 square foot home.  It’s a prop rented for filming. Amazingly, I know lots of rich people with big houses some are even relatives. I’ve never had a conversation with any of them in which they shared the square footage of their home. That’s a sure tell of someone who is pretending to be something they are not.  She’s a thug in a cocktail dress from Detroit.

Kenya has a scene with Lawrence. There is some talking head where one professes to knowing the other for 12 years. Really? Why is it always 12 years on these Bravo shows? That’s bullshit. When Sheree was fired, Lawrence needed a new BFF so when the yankee thug was shipped in, they matched these two up. The only interesting thing about this scene is how very thin Lawrence looked. I don’t know what was up with that. He was back to his normal size on the recent Hairdressers Tell All show with Derek J.  Did y’all hear him throwing all that shade at Kandi?  Lawrence feels like he got ripped off because he didn’t make any money on Closet Freak. Well Lawrence, the reality is the song didn’t sell. Kandi is not dipping in your empty pocket, babe, there just wasn’t anything to split. I heard Kandi lost money (again) on the project. So be nice to Kandi!  The point of the Lawrence and Kenya scene is to set up their fake relationship so Lawrence can have a “new Sheree” but also so Kenya can explain that her boyfriends are usually much more attractive thant the tow truck guy. Classy as ever, Kenya.

Okay this is way too long so I am going to save the big final scene for another post tomorrow. Be sure to leave me your comments!