I’m not sure I can blog this tonight after just blogging RHONY, but I’ll give it the good old college try. Andy starts with asking Jill what she has done to her face. She says she’s taking Omega-3 and Andy says, no really, what are you injecting into your face? And Jill tells him Pat Wexler. Andy says she looks great. Was that a promo for Pat Wexler that Andy just had to get in there before things get dirty?

Jill asks Andy why she was fired. Andy is all like Jesus, Jill. How many times do we have to talk about this? Andy said that the last reunion was so toxic they knew they could not bring everyone back because the relationships were not going to change. Hope springs eternal for a RHONJ shakeup.  Jill said it felt like a death. She felt like Andy was “her parents” (because that is not weird at all) and that he liked Bethenny better. She was also hurt that Andy likes Giggy better than Ginger. Those would be dogs, by the way.

Jill just said she has learned to let things go. I wait for the lightning to strike her but God apparently is not watching. Jill is doing the polar opposite of letting things go. She hasn’t stopped whining about it for a full year. Now she is asking Andy if now, looking back at the ratings he realizes he made a mistake in letting them go. Oh my Lord in heaven. Jill is clueless that she is one of the least liked housewives in Bravo history.

The drinking game word for this episode should be ‘toxic’. Andy talks about how toxic the show was at the end of season four. Jill said that was not true life was a bowl of cherries at the end of season four. She was in a good place with Cindy and Alex.  Andy does his confused head tilt and says you were not in a good place with Alex at the reunion. Jill insists she went backstage and gave Simon a kiss after the filming ended. Andy edits in a clip of Jill calling Alex a fucking bitch during the reunion and Alex returning the insult.  This is not how Jill remembers it.

Andy said he has heard that Jill thinks this season of RHONY was toxic. Jill says it was. Jill is claiming Heather was brought on to be her. But Jill is all about family and home life and we never even saw Heather’s house! Andy says Heather is supposed to be you because of her shapewear line? Jill says. Wait, for it….because of her sense of humor and her being the voice of reason. I’m not kidding. That is what she said. Followed by, “You can’t replace me, Andy.”

Andy has his quizzical face on now as he asks, “Do you miss being on the show? Do you miss being out of the limelight?” Which is like asking a fat kid if she likes cake. Jill insists she is not out of the limelight.  She talks about her one or two appearances on Good Afternoon America. Did that get cancelled? And she still has her other TV deals. She has been talking about her mysterious other TV deals for a year now. They must be on in Zimbabwe or someplace.

Jill says she has great relationships now with Alex and Simon and Ramona and Kelly. She says Mario attacked her at a party recently but Ramona ran over to apologize for his behavior. None of this is sounding like reality to me.

Jill says Bravo is partially to blame for her broken friendship with Bethenny because they chose her side. They gave Bethenny her own show! It’s just not fair! Bethenny and I broke up because she didn’t want me to be on her show. Is it  me or are we way out there in LaLa land at this point.  Jill is now saying that Bethenny made up with Jason but she didn’t make up with Jill. Andy points out that Jason and Bethenny are married, but Jill says that’s irrelevant to her point. REAL FRIENDS MAKE UP!

Andy asks if she thinks Bethenny has resentments toward her now. Jill says no and that she holds none toward Bethenny. And again God is busy in Syria or somewhere and does not send the lightning bolt. Jill said she has continued to stalk reach out to Bethenny to congratulate her on her success. Jill points out how everyone tells her how mature she is for doing that since Bethenny did so many horrible, horrible things to Jill.  She has told Bethenny how proud she is of her talk show.  Andy says, so clearly you have watched it. Jill said some of it. She says it was really hard to watch at first because it was hard to hear her voice. Um, what? Didn’t you just say you called her? I’m gonna bet you have every episode of her show on your DVR at home right now and that you called her to ask her to wear your jewelry line.

Can we talk about the jewelry line? Remember those jewelry kits they used to sell where you melt down crayons into molds? Her necklace reminds me of that. She has Bobby buying her real jewelry. Why would she want to start a jewelry line where she is stuck wearing melted crayons at every public event she goes to? I’m just saying.

Essentially, Jill is saying that she decided to fight with Bethenny for her storyline. Andy told her it wasn’t a good idea. By the time he told her that it was too late to fix the relationship. Jill just went on and on and on about how she thought Bethenny was her real friend and can’t believe she would not make up with her and two minutes later she is talking about how she set Bethenny up to be in a fighting storyline with her without telling her. I just can’t.

Andy says so then you told everyone not to film with Bethenny in an attempt to sabotage her show. Again, great friend you are there Jill. Jill says that Bethenny planted that idea herself when she told people not to film with Kelly. Jill says she might have told Ramona that she was angry with Bethenny and would  not film with her but that she “does not believe for a moment” that she told Alex or Ramona not to film with her. Alex and Ramona remember this differently.  She says Alex and Ramona were her enemies at the time so why would she tell them not to film with Bethenny? Why would they listen to her?

I’m getting a headache. Jill is comparing herself to Aviva’s father. When she went to St John  she was tossed out just like that poor dear elderly man. At least when Aviva came to St Barths half the women welcomed her. We she came to St John, no one wanted her. She was Aviva’s father out in the hallway. Did I mention how crazy this interview is? Jill is apparently friends with Aviva she is very complimentary of her.

Jill is bragging about her huge social media following. She gets a hundred emails a day you guys. She has more followers than all the other RHONY put together. So Andy asks her if she bought followers. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Jill responds. Um, no I’m not sez Andy. Jill lies through her teeth despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary that she does not pay for her followers.

That was painful.