I think I am finally calmed down enough to discuss Big Brother with y’all. If you missed the show last night. GO RIGHT NOW to cbs.com and see if it is there. You must watch it. In yet another move which will spark heated debates about Dan’s game and whether he has usurped Dr. Will for best player of all time (I say he has), Dan managed to pull of a huge blindside with only four players left in the house. Dan gave new life to the game motto from Survivor as he outwitted, outlasted and definitely outplayed his newbie opponents. This years houseguests are not even in his league. Dani who was HOH and the holder of the veto, with all the control in the house once again layed down and did exactly what Dan told her to do. I’m not sure if it is even “Dan Mist” at this point as his three opponents continued to play Dan’s game like three zombies under some serious mind control.
Dani took Dan off the block because he told her to, despite it being a terrible game move for her. Shane Forrest Gumped himself right over to the block and then gave a long rambling goodbye message to Ian in the time he had alloted to try to save his dumb ass. Then Dan shocked the house and told Shane to get to stepping. Ian went into a full-blown psychotic episode stimming so hard the eviction chair had a hard time staying together. Danielle’s ginormous chin zit popped wide open when her jaw hit the floor and Shane ran out of the house like his hair gel had caught fire without even stopping to gather up all his pink tank tops and frilly pink shorts. It really was brilliant reality TV.
We were then all frustrated to death when the feeds did not come back for over two hours! The online Big Brother fanatics (myself included) lost our minds. We missed perhaps the best parts of the meltdowns and the pregame Dan Mist before part one of the three-part HOH. And Lord have mercy it had to be good because here is how the HOH went…
Brilliant Photoshop Courtesy of ChiTownBB
Big Brother named part one of the HOH, Hook, Line and Sinker. I know! It’s perfect! And it frankly sort of pissed Ian off although it didn’t seem to sink in for Dani. The three remaining houseguests hung from a heavy wire fishing line with a large fishing hook on one end and a bobber on the top. Then they were swung back and forth and bashed into a wall (awesome!) and dunked into a “pond’ (double awesome). Ian fell first. He would later ask Dan how it looked when he threw it. WHAT? A lot of people don’t want to believe that Ian threw the comp especially with Dani still in the game, but that is Ian’s story and he is sticking to it. Apparently, Ian felt he owed Dan after the miraculous save. Oh Ian. Don’t any of these people realize they are playing against each other and this is the FINAL HOH for half a million dollars?
Screencap by ChitownBB14
So it’s down to Dani and Dan. At first there is no talking. They are just swinging back and forth. Dani is trying not to look at Dan. When Dan decides he wants to win, he simply turns to Dani and starts whispering. Within what seems like seconds, Dani is asking Dan to swear on Chelsea. Which he does. Dan has sworn on the Bible, the baby Jesus and the life of his unborn child. Dan is the honey badger, he don’t give a shit. Then Dani says, “okey dokey” and pretends to slip the next time they start getting dunked. Dan wins and Dani hugs Dan like they have just had some spectacular bonding moment. There will be dramatic musical sound effects for this hug. Ian at least refused to hug the soaking wet Dan and offers him a weak handshake as he starts to catch on. Probably too little too late for you Ian, depending on Dan’s Plan for your game.Then we get what is probably the rehash of Dan’s Mist of Dani before the comp. Dan’s Mist went something like this, ” Hear me now and believe me later, Danielle, I don’t care! I am here to help you win this game! I am Hans and you are Franz! I’m here to give you half a million dollars, Dani! I’m hear to pump (claps) YOU up!” Dani half-heartedly asks a few tearful questions about how keeping Ian, who will not take her to final two, over Shane, who would have taken her to final two, helps her. She is mildly curious about why Dan makes these big moves that don’t seem helpful to her game. Mildly curious. Mostly she just wants Dan to tell her she’s a special snowflake. ”What about Ian?” Dani whines. Dan tells her not to worry about the girlie man with the b-cups in the other room.
He says, “You can hear me now and believe me later, Dani.” Dani sniffles a bit and he says, “Why am I here? I’m here to (Loud Clap)”…pause..
“Pump me up?” whines Danielle.
“Yes!!!” says Dan, “Now get out there and convince Ian to throw you the puzzle challenge!”
“But..but..he…but…”
“Believe me later, Danielle, Believe me later!”
This is my first season of watching an entire season of Big Brother but I don’t understand how Dan could win the game if the jury picks the winner and he has lied to or stabbed in the back every member of the jury. I must be missing something or is he really trying to help Dani win?
In general, the jury votes on gameplay. Dan has played the best game by far. However, hurt feelings and personal friendships do sometimes over ride that. The longer people are in jury, the more likely they are to vote for the best gameplay. Also a female almost never wins over a man. If ever. This year the players all seem to feel a bit entitled to be told the truth and coddled and dragged to the end. Frank especially. Shane to a degree also seemed to think he was going to just okeydoke his way to a win. So the jury this year is a bit different. It should be interesting.
Even if Danielle makes it to the F2 with Dan, she still does not deserve to win. She was only a puppet manipulated by Master mister Dan….Plus yeah she was shocked at how Shane went out, but she said many times that she had no problem evicting Shane if it helped her game. Dan actually did her a favor by getting her one more jury vote.
The jury house footage was too short. I loved seeing little Britney “serve” big Frank. Frank does not realize how “douchey” his social game play. Britney will vote for the winner intellectually and not emotionally. She said Dan deserve to win, and her time in the jury house will allow her to praise Dan’s misting powers.
And Shane, Shane, Shane, your hasty exit just showed how really socially awkward you really are. Bye Bye you pretty dumby…..
Last night on “Hamsters in the Mist” Desperelle took Sir Dan off the block, so that he could “..vote out Ian..” the logic of this maneuver was never clear to anyone but Dan, but the operating theory was that Shame (yes, he’s Shame again) was “afraid” or “unwilling” to vote the little guy out himself. So he gladly marched to the slaughter like the dim witted hamster he is. He sat his furry little butt in the big red chair and adopted an appropriate “sorry Ian” shit eating grin. The aforementioned grin was quickly removed as Dan opened the cage door and kicked his little ass out, whispering “…sorry man, she was playing you the whole time…” into his fuzzy little ear. Desperelle meanwhile, spent this time period impersonating a large mouth bass. (see photo above). Poor Ian suffered a
premature heart attack and will be sure to wear depends to all future live shows. You would have thought that the fun would end there, as how could we be expected to digest any more madness, But Wait There’s More!!!
Immediately following Shame’s walk of shame, Sir Dan pulled out the MistBot 5000 and doused the entire studio. Ian, dumbfounded and seemly safe eagerly agreed to jump off the fish hook, as quickly as humanly possible, least he be subjected to yet another pants dampening magic feat from Sir Dan. Desperelle who has clearly been mainlining mist since day one, took a few more minutes for appearances sake, and then gladly took a dive. Ok, surely THAT’s enough excitement for one night, right? BUT WAIT THERE”S MORE! No sooner had they removed their wet clothes, than the Mist Bot 5000 was again on full blast, as Sir Dan was teaching speed misting to Desperelle, to enable her to convince Ian to throw part 2 to her! Oh NO you might say. This is too much, you may exclaim! He has pushed his limits! This will never work……HAHAHA Stay tuned!!
Bravo! It really was an incredible night of feeds watching!
lmao
I could not hear what Dan said to Shane as he left, but iff he did say that, then it was DIABOLICAL WICKED SMART & DIRTY…..
If Dan said that to dummy Shane on his way out the door, he was clearly trying to plant the seed in Shane’s head that he was betrayed by Danielle, maybe to get Danielle to LOSE a jury vote. If Shane talks to Jen in the jury house, Jenn will confirm the talk she had with Danielle about having no problem evicting Shane for her own game.
Danielle is nothing but sycophantic puppet for MasterMister Dan…
It’s true that some suckster is saying that is what Dan said to Shane. It sounds like something he would do. The problem is we didn’t hear it and Shane told Julie he wasn’t really listening. But maybe he was and that was part of his reason for crying… It’s a great move by Dan if Shane heard it.
hahahahahaha funny and accurate recap! Do you have to pay to see the live feeds? I only get to see showtime BBAD but missed all the good stuff entirely and I was pissed! hands down one of THE BEST ever moments in reality tv. I had to watch the second half twice it was so good. I cannot believe these three basically threw the whole game to dan. It was almost too easy. even if he doesn’t win he wins, the big prize…endorsement deals! He is a coach in real life and clearly knows how to motivate players to do what he wants them to do and win so he picked the two youngest players to “coach” into taking him all the way to the end. AH-MAZE-ING and he came in making these covert bold moves and held strong to that strategy.
I agree with you, he has a better shot at winning against Danielle but she’s SUCH a pawn that if he has an ounce of integrity he takes Ian with him and lets the chips fall where they may then he can call himself the legit winner if he wins, against Danielle meh she’s no match for him….imo.