I think I am finally calmed down enough to discuss Big Brother with y’all. If you missed the show last night. GO RIGHT NOW to cbs.com and see if it is there. You must watch it. In yet another move which will spark heated debates about Dan’s game and whether he has usurped Dr. Will for best player of all time (I say he has), Dan managed to pull of a huge blindside with only four players left in the house. Dan gave new life to the game motto from Survivor as he outwitted, outlasted and definitely outplayed his newbie opponents. This years houseguests are not even in his league. Dani who was HOH and the holder of the veto, with all the control in the house once again layed down and did exactly what Dan told her to do. I’m not sure if it is even “Dan Mist” at this point as his three opponents continued to play Dan’s game like three zombies under some serious mind control.
Dani took Dan off the block because he told her to, despite it being a terrible game move for her. Shane Forrest Gumped himself right over to the block and then gave a long rambling goodbye message to Ian in the time he had alloted to try to save his dumb ass. Then Dan shocked the house and told Shane to get to stepping. Ian went into a full-blown psychotic episode stimming so hard the eviction chair had a hard time staying together. Danielle’s ginormous chin zit popped wide open when her jaw hit the floor and Shane ran out of the house like his hair gel had caught fire without even stopping to gather up all his pink tank tops and frilly pink shorts. It really was brilliant reality TV.
We were then all frustrated to death when the feeds did not come back for over two hours! The online Big Brother fanatics (myself included) lost our minds. We missed perhaps the best parts of the meltdowns and the pregame Dan Mist before part one of the three-part HOH. And Lord have mercy it had to be good because here is how the HOH went…
Big Brother named part one of the HOH, Hook, Line and Sinker. I know! It’s perfect! And it frankly sort of pissed Ian off although it didn’t seem to sink in for Dani. The three remaining houseguests hung from a heavy wire fishing line with a large fishing hook on one end and a bobber on the top. Then they were swung back and forth and bashed into a wall (awesome!) and dunked into a “pond’ (double awesome). Ian fell first. He would later ask Dan how it looked when he threw it. WHAT? A lot of people don’t want to believe that Ian threw the comp especially with Dani still in the game, but that is Ian’s story and he is sticking to it. Apparently, Ian felt he owed Dan after the miraculous save. Oh Ian. Don’t any of these people realize they are playing against each other and this is the FINAL HOH for half a million dollars?
So it’s down to Dani and Dan. At first there is no talking. They are just swinging back and forth. Dani is trying not to look at Dan. When Dan decides he wants to win, he simply turns to Dani and starts whispering. Within what seems like seconds, Dani is asking Dan to swear on Chelsea. Which he does. Dan has sworn on the Bible, the baby Jesus and the life of his unborn child. Dan is the honey badger, he don’t give a shit. Then Dani says, “okey dokey” and pretends to slip the next time they start getting dunked. Dan wins and Dani hugs Dan like they have just had some spectacular bonding moment. There will be dramatic musical sound effects for this hug. Ian at least refused to hug the soaking wet Dan and offers him a weak handshake as he starts to catch on. Probably too little too late for you Ian, depending on Dan’s Plan for your game.Then we get what is probably the rehash of Dan’s Mist of Dani before the comp. Dan’s Mist went something like this, ” Hear me now and believe me later, Danielle, I don’t care! I am here to help you win this game! I am Hans and you are Franz! I’m here to give you half a million dollars, Dani! I’m hear to pump (claps) YOU up!” Dani half-heartedly asks a few tearful questions about how keeping Ian, who will not take her to final two, over Shane, who would have taken her to final two, helps her. She is mildly curious about why Dan makes these big moves that don’t seem helpful to her game. Mildly curious. Mostly she just wants Dan to tell her she’s a special snowflake. ”What about Ian?” Dani whines. Dan tells her not to worry about the girlie man with the b-cups in the other room.
He says, “You can hear me now and believe me later, Dani.” Dani sniffles a bit and he says, “Why am I here? I’m here to (Loud Clap)”…pause..
“Pump me up?” whines Danielle.
“Yes!!!” says Dan, “Now get out there and convince Ian to throw you the puzzle challenge!”
“Believe me later, Danielle, Believe me later!”