Whale Wars: Worst Reality Show EVER

UPDATE 1/8/2012: TMZ is reporting that Paul Watson, has resigned from the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society due to numerous lawsuits against him. The lastest one being reported by TMZ alleges that Watson destroyed and sank on of the major ships on the show and blamed the Japanese in order to gain sympathy and financial donations for the society.

I’ve been stewing on a post since Friday night that I know y’all probably don’t care about but I have to get it written so I can stop stewing about it. This morning I had some really nice comments in the million views thread (I got a million views y’all! woohoo!) sayin’ how nice I am and how I’m not mean and angry. Clearly they’ve never seen me play whack a troll in the comments when I have PMS. I can be mean, but I’m rarely angry. Watching Whale Wars in the wee hours of Saturday morning got me heated though. So I’m just gonna say what I have to say about it and y’all can read it or not, and then I’m gonna get productive up in this ghetto shack of mine. I’m also going to suggest certain human populations be exterminated. I hope this doesn’t ruin my stellar reputation.

In the interest of full disclosure, let me start by saying I was raised in Tripoli, Libya. That’s relevant because the episode of Whale Wars I saw was filmed in Libyan waters. That right there got me mad. But let me back up and explain this damn show.  There is this Canookian Canadian dude name Paul Watson. He’s a terrorist.  He has this big black ship that he fills up with misguided people who want to save the whales, or in the case of this episode, the bluefin tuna. Now there is nothing wrong with saving the whales, or the bluefin tuna either if that is what your mission in life is. However, rather than getting the rights to a sad Sarah McLachlan ballad and running ads on TV bring awareness to the “problem” Watson decided to fill up a black ship with a bunch of people wearing black clothes, and fly a black flag with a skull and a hook and a pitchfork on it and sail around to a bunch of places and terrorize fishermen.

 Nothing brings credibility to a cause like Daryl Hannah

Which brings us to Libya. The waters of the Mediterranean sea apparently have lots of  bluefin tuna. The island country of Malta,located about 700 miles NW of Libya, is inhabited by people who like to eat bluefin tuna. The Japanese like to make sushi with bluefin tuna. All them there weird folks like Yankees and Californians like to eat sushi made with bluefin tuna. In the last couple decades a bunch of fancypants places all over the world have been selling the hell out of bluefin tuna. So now, fishermen can make five figures for every bluefin tuna they catch. So lots of “greedy fisherman” said to themselves, “Self, why am I going out there catching fish that don’t sell for a lot when I could catch me some bluefin tuna? Because I’m a moron, that’s why. Let me get out there and catch some bluefin tuna.” So they did.  Then the world starting getting kinda low on bluefin tuna because now it wasn’t just the people in Malta (population under 500,000) and the Japanese (population around 127 million) eating up all the bluefin tuna. It was fancypants Europeans and sushi eating Americans eating up all the bluefin tuna. So people started saying, “Hey, we’re running out of bluefin tuna! Let’s stop fishing so many of them!” and so quotas were put into place much like they were for the King crab in Alaska.

And everyone lived happily ever after. Or not so much. Paul Watson, the biggest media whore of all media whores, took some time off from harassing the Faroe Islanders over pilot whale fishing, and dropped by the Mediterranean and started harassing fishermen there about bluefin tuna. Watson and his band of terrorists take it upon themselves to approach the fishermen and demand to be let on board to count fish and look for small ones being caught illegally. Watson apparently thinks that since he doesn’t like the way that the international agencies that govern fishing are doing their job that he can do whatever the hell he wants to the fishermen out there trying to catch some fish. And he does. He rams their boats, and steals their fish. Once he demands to see their catch, if the fishermen tell him to fuck off, he pulls up to them and throw glass bottles full of butyric acid at them.  He rams their boats and their fishing pens. While he is attacking the ship, he sends some moronic divers down and they cut the nets and lets out all the tuna! What a bastard!

On the show I watched, Watson didn’t find anyone doing anything wrong on the ships he was allowed on, but the last ship ignored him when he radioed them demanding to board. So he automatically decided that they must be breaking the law, and Watson was going to make them pay. You see it was the day after fishing season ended and so surely they must be criminals. So he attacked the fishermen injuring two of them while his buddies stole the tuna. The thing is, the bluefin tuna are big. Like really big. So the fishermen don’t put them in a boat, they keep them in these huge pens, called purse seines, and pull the pens back home. When some of the little fishermen get finished catching the tuna they might sail on over to the bigger guys and sell them right there in the ocean. The fish then get dumped into the bigger fisherman’s pen and the little guy goes home with his money and the big fishermen take home more fish than he actually caught. Unless he gets attacked by pirates like Watson on the way home. Stupid Watson.

So the fishermen, who were from Malta sued Watson and he got arrested and his boat got impounded. YAY!  Except they let him out, and his dumbass supporters sent him money to pay the gajillion dollars to get his boat back.  The Maltese guys are suing him for a million euro for stealing the fish, and hurting the fisherman, and being a jackass in general. The trial is set for next month (this all happened back in 2010, and Watson went back to the same spot for the bluefin season last year) in London. I hope he rots in prison. Meanwhile, he has his own very successful reality TV show. Grrrrrrr.

Now I’m a problem solver, so obviously I have a few solutions to offer to deal about the depletion of the bluefin tuna. My first choice is to take as many of the sushi eaters as we can round up out back behind the barn and shoot them. Humans are one species we have way to many of anyway. It’s time to cull the herd. I’m all for starting with people who pay asinine prices to eat bluefin tuna. I say leave the Maltese and the Japanese alone and just shoot the sushi eaters in fancy pants restaurants like Nobu and Masa. But no one ever likes my brilliant ideas. So how about getting the bleeding heart liberals to make some placards that say, “Everytime you eat bluefin tuna, the baby Jesus cries!”  and stand outside restaurants who sell bluefin tuna with them and perhaps some big pictures of the dead tuna looking at them with a sad eyeball. Because you know it’s a lot harder to eat lobster at a place with a tank in the lobby. Same principle. Or maybe Watson could ring up Obama, who by the way decided not to put the bluefin tuna on the endangered list, and convince him to stop letting the restaurants sell bluefin for awhile, until they get the numbers back up.  Obama could call all his friends who are in charge of other countries and get them to do it too. Voila. Problem solved. You are welcome.
Meanwhile, I’m hoping that Watson keeps going to the Libyan waters. Now that they are not busy overthrowing a dictator maybe they will have have a little more time to deal with dumbass pirates harassing people in their  waters. Because another group of humans that needs to be culled from the herd is dumbass pirates. I think I might send Watson an email suggesting he go check on those fishermen off the shore of Somalia. I think he should get real close to land to be sure they are following the rules there. Stupid Watson.

P.S. If you like the cartoon above, check out Toothpaste for Dinner. He’s funny. :)


Filed under Dumbasses

14 responses to “Whale Wars: Worst Reality Show EVER

  1. OMG, I HATE this guy. I haven't watched the show more than once and that was several years ago. I can't believe nobody has killed him. I thought for sure someone would have shot him by now.That show was a bumbling mess of whale huggers. I am all for stopping whale hunting but this is not the way to go about it!

  2. I have watched Whale Wars from the beginning and believed in what they did in Antartic. If what they say is true, the Japanese kill more than allowed and it is BS they are "harvesting for research". You wouldn't need thousands every year for that reason.Friday night's show was different and it didn't seem like they were there for the fish but to make TV. They were even told to leave the area by the organization that oversees that the catch is done to regulations. They expected them to chase off fishermen then made a lame excuse when they were told. Glad to hear your opinion. I do not have real info on the subject, I just like animals but am pretty empathetic so can be easily swayed when I only hear one side or no way of knowing actual facts.

  3. how about rounding up all of the beef jerky, fried snickers eating, state fair going obese tards who suck up too many medical and other resources? Not to mention air.xo

  4. Struck a nerve there, N. Anderson? If I get to save one fancypants sushi eating yankee, it will be you. I'd share my fried snickers with you anyday. :)

  5. Pam

    mmmbeefjerkymmmNever watched this show but just had to comment since N. Anderson did.

  6. There always seem to be people who think that terrorism is the way to make a change. If not by destroying property, then harassing people and causing fear in them. That's why I can't stand certain organizations. There are other ways to get a message through other than fear mongering, and if there isn't, then perhaps there's something wrong with the message.

  7. I would think that maybe instead of saving whales…maybe we should save children that live in the USA from being hungry. Just a thought

  8. Dawn that no good excuse for an organization(ICCAT) is pretty useless. They weren't enfocing regulations. Tuna boats have to be registered with ICCAT. The one where the Sea Shepherds were told to leave was not registered therefore fishing illegally.

  9. I am a fan of the Sea Shepards. However, the Bluefin Tuna, not so much. One thing is for sure – he gives food to the bloggers!

  10. Wow you're a special kind of ignorant and stupid aren't cha? Thanks for perpetuating that stereotype. Let me know if my yankee words are too big for you.

  11. Thanks for reminding me of this post. I think it is one of my best!

  12. TORONTO – The head of a controversial anti-whaling organization has resigned in order to comply with a U.S. court order.

    Paul Watson issued a statement saying he has stepped down as leader of Sea Shepherd.

    Watson says his decision was based on an injunction issued in the U.S. last month that barred the organization from being within 450 metres of Japanese whaling vessels.

    Watson, who holds dual Canadian-U.S. citizenship, says he was personally named in the injunction and must step down in order to avoid criminal charges.

    The Toronto-born anti-whaling crusader says he has resigned all positions with the organization, which has chapters in the U.S. and Australia.

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