Okay, what the hell was that Shahs of Sunset finale all about? What was Ryan Seacrest Production thinking? Even if they felt the need to have this abysmal episode, it definately should have ended with everyone at Asa’s release of Tehrangeles. It brought some class to the whole season and could have ended the season with everyone dancing and celebrating even if MJ glared at Sammy from across the room. We surely didn’t need the whole “fake dinner to celebrate an imaginary deal Mike closed” ending. Since when do reality TV shows end with episodes that have you worried for the survival of a major cast member? Simply the worst finale ever.

Last night’s episode was a close second to the most depressing episode in the history of reality TV, when Pedro Zamora died on the San Francisco version of The Real World. Frankly, I am amazed that MJ is still alive. I don’t even know where to start. First MJ’s best friend tells her that her mother doesn’t love her. Jesus Christ, Reza. I don’t recall MJ harping on the fact that your father was a deadbeat womanizer. There were no very special episodes where she gently caressed your arm and said, “Reza, don’t be a drama queen, your father is a deadbeat homophobe that walked out on you and your mother and never looked back. Sucks to be you!”  Nope, despite the fact you didn’t have the Father of the Year, MJ supported you flying across the country to be there as you attempted reconciliation. You would think your friend of 20 years driving a knife in your heart and saying out loud, to your face, the words. “Your mother doesn’t love you.” would be the worst thing to happen to MJ this episode. You would be wrong.

MJ’s very good friend Sammy, agrees to plan a blind date for MJ since she was hooking him up with a very nice girl.  So what does Sammy do? He brings MJ’s ex-boyfriend who is some sort of Iranian pervert out to hone his rape skills.  MJ is a drunken mess when she arrives for the date and Sammy quickly opts to get her drunker. While MJ’s friend expresses concerns that the Iranian molester is mauling the drunken MJ while she wriggles in a vain attempt to escape.  Sammy is so busy telling the girl she needs to “tone up” (please refer to pictures of Sammy) that he completely ignores her attempts to get him to intervene and save MJ who is a mere three feet away. Eventually MJ’s friend distracts the molester long enough for MJ to escape where she drunkenly wanders into the street while Sammy lies to her friend telling her she is just fine.  Sammy and the molester probably just roll on to another club leaving MJ’s friend to fend for herself. Frankly, she dodged a bullet.

You would think that surely would be the worst thing to happen to MJ this episode. In truth, everything is so bad that it is difficult to rank them all in order of most horrific. MJ also had a lovely luncheon with her mother where she attempts to get her mother not to be such a bullying bitch whose sole mission is to crush her daughter’s soul. This did not go well either. Her mother tell her that she is “not marriage material.” Essentially she says that no man is ever going to love her so she may as well just not even consider marriage an option and to prepare to die all alone. Gee, this is a great support system this woman has. I am starting to worry less about her drinking problem and wonder if she can possibly drink enough!

But wait, there is one more scene. MJ who clearly has a masochistic streak a mile wide agrees to attend the requisite fake luncheon with the entire cast for the obligatory final scene. She bravely attends despite the fact that Sammy will be there and attempts to clear the air. Sammy walks in to an audio overlay that says basically, no matter how shitty I treat MJ, there is nothing that can come between our friendship. Then when MJ explains how hurtful it was that he would bring some scumbag for her to date and completely fail to protect her from his molestation, Sammy manages to become an even bigger douchebag. He tells MJ that the reason he brought Chester the Molester as her companion for the evening is because he called lots of other guys and none of them want anything to do with her.  It was a deep and scarring cut that she will never forget.

MJ needs to move. Move to New York. Move to Brazil. Move to Nova Scotia. Just move far away from these people. She’s in a toxic environment and she is going to end up drinking herself to death if she stays. Move to one of the Florida Keys and open a bait shop. Something. Meanwhile that was the worst finale in the history of the world. Instead of looking forward to next season, I’m starting to think I can’t watch anymore. Bravo has taken its degradation of women to a whole ‘nuther level this time.