By: Urethra Franklin
Well was this worth the 2 week wait? There were brief exciting moments, but there was a slow pace to Fiona’s drawn out depressing inner monologues about life vs. death. Even though beautifully written, they were dragging out like her maybe imminent death. My main complaint about the season is that the writers slow down scenes at the expense of all the weird moments that we live for… Like that Ajax enema. WTF was that? Is that possible without DYING? Joan (Patti Lupone) is giving me shades of the zealot mom (Piper Laurie) from the original “Carrie” movie…. Ryan Murphy must have had a fucked up relationship with his mother because all the moms are twisted in the realm of AHS:Coven.
There are so many moving parts to this story, and things are starting to come together–sort of. But obvious tension is building up to cause chaos in the war between the tribes: the different motives for vengeance by Fiona, Cordelia, Myrtle, Marie & Madison; Nan’s resentment for not being considered Supreme worthy; Hank and his killing mission; the life vs. death battle between Fiona & everyone; Madison’s jealousy over a rehabbed Kyle; a victimized Luke & his zealot mother; Misty reviving every one… and then throw in an overprotective Spalding ghost to keep things unpredictable while the rest of Coven waits to ascend to be the new Supreme.
Episode 8 starts off with Queenie who is in search for a dark heart that she needs to rip out of some evil doer’s chest. Madison & Zoe must have used some witch GPS to find her at a homeless camp under the freeway interchanges, and they are trying to convince her to come back to their Coven…but Queenie has chosen the Voodoo tribe. She killed a serial child rapist who intended to rape & kill her. She then cut him open and grabbed his beating heart out of his chest with her bare hands to give to Marie because she needs it for a special potion to give Queenie more powers… Queenie tells her former Coven sisters that the town is not big enough for both tribes and gives a warning, “War is coming. And you’re gonna lose.” I wonder if Queenie is getting played by Marie.
After another sex romp with her ghost dick, Fiona is defiant that cancer won’t kill her just yet, and that love is the best medicine. We learn she has spinal cancer. (I expected it to be lung cancer) She calls it Satan’s diet pill because it makes her vomit frequently. She is not afraid to die, but doesn’t want to live like this; yet doesn’t want to give others the satisfaction of killing herself. She is in constant pain & accepts her declining appearance by referencing ‘Bewitched’, “I’m starting to look less Samantha and more Endora every day.” She thinks the cancer is rapidly killing her because one of the girls is growing into the being the next Supreme. “Which pecker-head is it?” she asks. #LOL… Fiona tells Cordelia that she has terminal cancer, and a non-emotional & cold Cordelia tells her to die before Thanksgiving because her stuffing recipe sucks. Continue reading
Seriously? I feel like the person who has to report to Burger King on a holiday. How much longer are we going to watch this shit? Can’t we just talk about The Blacklist and AHS:Coven and Scandal and Revenge and ….. just better TV? But here we go, because Bravo has you all so sucked in that you cannot, will not, venture out.
Mike and Reza go to some hairloss facility to try and keep Mike from going bald. Because Persians are know the world over for being practically hairless. Much like Armenians. Clearly this is a moment of crisis. Next the dermatologist comes in to explain Mike has flaky ears. SIGH. Both are Iranian doctors. No infomercial here at all. Continue reading
Currently appearing on Survivor: Blood v. Water with her daughter, Survivor Season 2 winner Tina Wesson and her daughter, Katie Collins, also on this season’s show got some terrible news today. Tina’s son, Taylor Collins has died in a car accident in Chattanooga. Click through for the official statement. Continue reading
By: Urethra Franklin
Welcome back scurrdy cats… I’m trying to get my AHS:Coven mojo back, but being chained to Tamara’s radiator for the extra week has depleted my brilliance…. We are past the series halfway mark, and I’m so fucking annoyed at show creator Ryan Murphy. He does not know how to tease with spoilers. He goes straight for the money shot by blabbing everrythang except for who is the next Supreme? Just ignore the internet until after the finale …But he did say ”Nobody has guessed who the Supreme is.” So does that mean we are WRONG thinking its Zoe or Misty? Every other witch has been named, so I am going to take a wild guess. Wouldn’t it be ironic if this female dominated series concluded with a male Supreme? #BibleBoy …Remember I was right about Hank… Just curse me out in comments below.
Episode 8 “The Sacred Taking” is titled after a real tradition that dates back to the Salem days. Sometimes in order to protect other witches, a witch is allowed the sacred act of committing suicide. Well Cordelia is in “kill mommie” mode, and she is convinced of the identity of the next Supreme. So Cordelia leads the girls in this The Sacred Taking ritual which allows for the next Supreme’s ascension. How do you convince selfish Fiona to selflessly commit suicide even though she is struggling with her ailing health? The plan is to convince Fiona to give up hope so that she will take her own life. In spite of her cancer the Supreme Witch Bitch ain’t going out like that because she has got some ghost dick to ride. She intends to spite them all.
Well something happens in this episode, and Cordelia realizes that Fiona is indeed the baddest & strongest witch in town. So is it a good idea to want to kill mommie when the witch hunter is on his way to kill your Coven? Fiona is no dummy, and she is usually a step ahead of everyone else. Watch out Cordelia. #MommieDearest Continue reading
I just noticed that my last recap of The Blacklist got a whopping FIVE COMMENTS. What the fuck is wrong with you people? I am trying to lead you to salvation! I usually save this show for a night when my brain has not turned to mush from recapping RHOBH and Vanderpump Rules, but I have been waiting all week for this episode. I wish one of you was here to hold my hand, but I reckon that would make blogging hard. So hold me, I am going in!
There is that scary disclaimer again! /drinks. Wait whut? I thought he killed the black guy last week? And this week he is speaking in Arabic and last week I didn’t understand a word. What is going on? Oh wait it looks they did kill him they just did not show it again. I am not smart enough for this show. Now they have Lizzie and hot middle-eastern looking guy. Red will NOT allow this! Scaryface dude ain’t gonna kill his baby girl. Red threatens to kill Doofus after saving his life numerous times in the past few hours. Doofus gives him the code:Romeo.
James Spader talks like one of my college sweethearts although he looks nothing like him.
Sadly the ridiculous writing comes back into play. Anslo who has executed several people already takes Red into custody for no apparent reason. He also takes Liz with them, which makes sense since Red showed his weakness for her. Hot middle-eastern guy is still alive for now. YAY! Continue reading
The husband of other partner couple in SUR is having a birthday and his wife is planning a surprise party. The wife asks Stassi and… is Katie the one with the eyebrow issue? anyway the eyebrow one ….to do a Burlesque show for him. Because that is what wives do for there husbands. They hire little sluts to parade around half-nekkid for them on their birthdays. Lisa Vanderpump arrives to teach the sexy. By the way, Stassi? If you think your nipples are hanging low now, call me in 20 years.
Meanwhile, Jax is in the hospital (probably trying to get attention) saying he has a lump in his chest and breast cancer runs in his family.
Scheana is planning her wedding despite not being engaged. Actually, I don’t have a problem with this. She has been dating a nice normal off camera guy for awhile.
Gay Tom and Ariana who is not his girlfriend and with whom he is not sleeping go shopping together. They laugh, they giggle, they hug….they generally are adorable together. I fear Kristen is on her way out. Continue reading
Oh um, hi. Sorry. I was totally mesmerized by Yolanda Foster’s home and infinity pool. I totally had to sit there and gawk at the view. Yolanda’s brother and mother have flown in from Holland for the reveal of David Foster’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame!
The editing on RHOBH makes recapping a PITA. You get a tiny little clip of nothing from Brandi, and a tiny little clip of nothing from Kyle…. Basically, everyone has dogs and everyone is discussing whether or not Mauricio is a dog. Well, everyone except Carlton. Carlton is a witch, so she has a black cat, who she is taking in for acupuncture treatments.
Kyle and Joyce go to get weirdo Beverly Hills facials. Joyce wants to take everyone to Palm Springs but she is a bit wary of Lisa. Continue reading
Filed under Brandi Glanville, Carlton Gebbia, David Foster, Joyce Giraud, Joyce Giraud de Ohoven, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster
Kandi has posted her blog on last night’s episode. She has tended to blog only sometimes and mostly very briefly on Bravo, but I think she really wanted to stop the influx of tweets about how she needs to stand up to her mother. What do y’all think? Is it too late for Kandi to take a stand with her mother at this point? Continue reading
Sorry for the delay, TAR running behind got me behind and I decided to just wait and recap RHOA today.
Oh Phaedra and Appollo are not speaking. Phaedra is headed to Alabama to study and take her funeral director test. With the baby. Is Apollo in school somewhere? He always seems to have a backpack with him. What’s up with that?
Cynthia is working at her agency and Apollo walks in to see Peter for advice. This fake sitch with Kenya is played out. TMZ did a story just this week just to explain that nothing happened between Kenya and Apollo. Who does that? It was a non-story story. Fake or not, Peter seems surprisingly good with the marital advice Continue reading
Filed under Apollo Nida, Cynthia Bailey, Filming Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kandi Burruss, Kenya Moore, Miss Lawerence, NeNe Leakes, News, Peter Thomas, Phaedra Parks, Porsha Stewart, Real Housewives of Atlanta, RHOA, Todd Tucker
Photo Credit : Twitter
The bottle she is holding his her new line of Sangria. Um, thoughts?
Three or four days ago, TMZ ran a particularly nasty story on Porsha Stewart. This was their headline in HUGE FONT “‘Housewives’ Star Porsha Stewart — Accused of Robbing Fans And Pocketing Thousands!” Nothing sat right with me about this story, so I decided to sit back and wait for more information. But none has been forthcoming. The ONE AND ONLY SOURCE FOR THIS STORY IS TMZ. Let’s talk about this story for a minute. First of all, I just had to pester my tweeps for the Instagram above. It was posted by Porsha on November 21st with a tweet saying she was looking forward to seeing her fans in Orlando that night. Continue reading