Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Way Too Much Brandi

RHobh Cast

I can already tell this episode is going to have too much Brandi.

Brandi and Kim are besties on this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills it seems. Brandi tells Kim about running into Adrienne. Kim thinks that Brandi has grown as a person. At least that is what she is calling not having another other choice of filming buddies. Brandi has not just been dumped by five landlords in five years, she’s also been dumped by JR who decided the chick he cheated on her with is preferable. She is not going to go with out a fight though.

Lisa Vanderpump is getting a new shirt tailor made for her. It’s just and excuse to see her closet, really. We are focusing on the help this episode it seems. Lisa employs servants as a act of compassion for them. She’s nice like that. She also has decided to allow Kyle and Yolanda to share her airspace from time to time.  Lisa tells Ken she has no desire to reunite with Brandi. Continue reading

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Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, Eileen Davidson, Ken Todd, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Yolanda Foster

Jodi Arias11/25 Afternoon Recap: The End Of Slime Highway

Jodi Arias Juan 1125

If you missed this mornings recap, go here.

After burritos everyone got back in the car. I’ll spare you the details but the smell is horrendous and I wanted to roll down the window but Juan has the child locks on and won’t let me.

“So was Jodi a master manipulator  because she didn’t discuss her sex life? Or just Travis?”

“Stop putting words in my mouth, Juan. I didn’t say that Travis was a master manipulator!” Ut oh. Don’t make Juan pull this car over and have the morning testimony read back to you. “I said he was a master of deception.” Oh. We’re going to play potato, potahto. I guess it’s better than talking about Jodi’s lady garden.

“According to your code of ethics you are supposed to be informed and objective. You are not informed are you? You are not objective, are You?”

“I use data points to be objective.” Continue reading

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Vanderpump Rules Recap: Jax Nose Best, Peter’s Nose is Up Stassi’s Ass

Pump Rules Full Cast

I’m sort of looking forward to recapping the episode of that show where all the men are gay and everyone, including their girlfriends, pretend not to notice. Because all of the trial and news junkie stuff is getting old fast. So the two Toms and Jax are off to the salon for mani/pedis and eyebrow threading as hetero males often do with their buddies. Gay Tom has very specific directions for his threading lady.

Ariana tells Stassi about Kristen coming over to get the cable box. Because this is the Kristen show. If I drank every time someone said Kristen I’d be drunk before the first commercial break. Stassi says that Kristen is terrorizing Ariana. Stassi says if she was still running SUR she would not allow it. Sorry Stassi. It’s Kristen’s restaurant and you are just there eating her goat balls.

Tom Schwartz “had a panic attack” and walked off the job at SUR on opening night after 30 minutes. Katie points out that even Jax can bartend. Katie says that Schwartz has embarrassed her. Katie says his lack of work ethic is an issue.

Jax gets his nose job. He really did need one. We are in the operating room. I DO NOT NEED TO SEE THAT. No, mam. Jax is so high on the anesthesia he is talking crazy. He fondles the nurse and tells her he loves her. Continue reading

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WWHL Listing For November 30 Thru December 4th

Jax hanging in the old office

Jax hanging in the old office

Andy has gone a bit nutty again with his WWHL pairings. Click through and tell me what you think! Continue reading

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Filed under Andy Cohen, Bravo, Bravo Andy, Watch What Happens Live, WWHL

Jodi Arias Morning Recap 11/25 Back on the Slime Highway

HoJos

This morning we all woke up at Howard Johnson’s Motor Lodge and everyone is in a bad mood. We got zero sleep arguing about the situation in Ferguson and watching the No True Bill announcement. Martinez called the prosecutor a pussy all night and said he would just have thrown the case out and dared anyone to lay a finger on Queen’s Royal Touch Salon & Spa. Nurmi just sat there screaming OBJECTION! the TV all night. So nobody is in the mood for this today. The slogan may be, “Go Happy, Go HoJos” but happy is not what we are. I have a new book today. It’s another Augusten Burroughs book but it’s Christmasy. It’s called You Better Not Cry. I think it will be appropriate for this ride down the Slime Highway.

We begin of course with genital waxing. Because once you are on the Slime Highway it seems normal. As if every trip should begin with no hello or morning greeting whatsoever to the elderly shrink sitting in the passenger seat bleary eyed. One should just start right off with genital waxing questions.

“You sure had a lot to say about Jodi’s shaved beaver. You didn’t put much stock in the journal entries you Jodi’s freshly waxed pussy was important to you, right”

“Good Morning, Juan. Does this hell hole have Starbucks? I could really use a Starbucks before we, delve into Jodi’s well used (and groomed) vagina. Um. So to speak.” Continue reading

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Grand Jury in Ferguson Is About to Come Down Rumor Is: No Bill To Indict

Phaedra Parks, left, comforts Desuirea Harris, the grandmother of Michael Brown, during a news conference Monday, Aug. 11, 2014, in Jennings, Mo. Michael Brown, 18, was shot and killed in a confrontation with police in the St. Louis suburb of Ferguson, Mo, on Saturday, Aug. 9, 2014. JEFF ROBERSON — AP Photo

Phaedra Parks, left, comforts Desuirea Harris, the grandmother of Michael Brown, during a news conference Monday, Aug. 11, 2014, in Jennings, Mo. Michael Brown, 18, was shot and killed in a confrontation with police in the St. Louis suburb of Ferguson, Mo, on Saturday, Aug. 9, 2014. JEFF ROBERSON — AP Photo

The Grand Jury results should be announced within the next twenty-five minutes. My understanding is it will happen at 9 pm EST.  Because that’s a great time to give an announcement. It gives all the nut jobs time to prepare and act in the cloak of darkness. Anonymous is already on the ground and tweeting about the KKK being on the ground in Ferguson. Ben Crump has been saying all day that the family has been disrespected which makes “the killing of their unarmed child” even more egregious.  FBI and National Guard has been called in to Missouri. State Patrols have been activated in many states and are in major cities.  Peaceful protests are scheduled in major cities for tomorrow. We have threats to the state capitol and “protests” planned for Underground Atlanta tomorrow night. Continue reading

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Jodi Arias Afternoon Session 11/24 Part II of Scenic Drive Down Slime Highway

Jodi never fails to turn to photog for her close up 11/24

Jodi never fails to turn to photog for her close up 11/24

 

Okay. I got really bored trying to make heads or tails of this so I went a little off the deep end. Sorry. It was basically a whole lot of back and forth about anal sex and such between Juan and Dr. Forseca. That’s the short version. The following version is sort of like bad fan fiction or something. Feel free to skip it.

We return, after a stop off at Stuckey’s where I stocked up on enough pecan logs and pralines and Co-Colas to make it to our evening destination , to the Slime Highway. I may need extra restroom stops along the way.

Juan is in the driver’s seat yelling at Dr. Forseca who is strapped into the passenger seat and I am in the back laying down slurping co-cola and woofing down pecan logs and reading Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs because I think the novel pairs nicely with this part of the freakshow.

Juan is telling Forseca that Jodi is a whore who got some guys phone number at the funeral for Travis! Forseca says, “I got some guy’s number last night. He’s a business associate. I was not shaving my privates and texting him that I wanted him to bang me like a horny school girl, Juan. I asked him if he knew a good tax accountant, preferably Jewish. Don’t get your spidey undies in a twist Juan.!”

Oh crap! Donavan is in the back of the station wagon facing the rear. I wondered what that smell was.

Juan is upset with Forseca. So upset he is recalling other women he has road tripped with, namely, Alyce LaViolette.  Oh yes! How time makes men forget the bad times and remember the good times because Juan is saying that Alyce said that Jodi used men.

Juan screams, “Alyce really knew what she was talking about Forseca!”

“Well, Juan, I don’t see it that way. Those were Alyce’s findings not mine! ” Continue reading

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Jodi Arias Trial Recap for Monday 11/24: Driving Down Slime Highway

This photo of Jodi on Friday seemed to upset her. Awww...

This photo of Jodi on Friday seemed to upset her. Awww…

Things ran a bit behind this morning as the usual morning band of criminals took a little bit longer to finish up. Then Nurmi gets up and has a hissy fit again over the media in the room during a public trial. This time is problem is that the news pool photographer chosen to take photos for all media outlets, Tom Tingle took a couple of photos of Jodi in her prison attire at the defense table. Last Friday’s ridiculous events were not part of the sentencing case presided over by the jury so they were not in the courtroom. Jodi is only allowed to wear real clothes when the jury is there. Jodi doesn’t like for us to see her prison look, so today Nurmi wasted a bunch of time arguing that the media should be thrown out because the still photog took a picture of Jodi that invaded her conversation with her attorneys. Clearly, my friend Nurmi doesn’t understand that the video camera cannot record Jodi and her attorney speaking, but that you can’t read lips from a still shot. Judge Stephens denies the motion.

Jury is seated.

Judge Stephens announces that due to a jury scheduling issue there will be no court next week on December 1 or 4. So that gives us a shot at Tuesday and Wednesday of next week. She says the trial will probably last into 2015. Because, Arizona Continue reading

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Porsha Williams on The Real

RHOA Porsha

I’m not sure I can tolerate watching The Real long enough to have a report that Porsha said and did stupid things on this episode.  I just can’t. I’ve hit record so I can go watch Keke Palmer hosting The View. I’ll head back over and zip through to the part y’all want to know about.  Tamera Mowry, I love you but what the hell are you doing on this hot mess of a show? Speaking of hot mess, do none of these RHOA have a stylist? Is Porsha using Nene’s?  What the hell is that dress? Those sleeves? I can’t even think of anything funny to say. It’s just sad. And that hair on her head?  Is it a full on wig with weave sewn into the wig? What is it?

Perhaps there is a merciful God after all. Our emperor POTUS has interrupted all programming to usher Republican Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel out the door in a “mutual resignation.” Hagel has been adamant that Obama needs to take a more aggressive look and pay more attention to national threats abroad in general and ISIS in particular. So now he is being pushed out and Obama is interrupting television to say nice things he doesn’t mean about Hagel being his best friend in the world and the nicest guy ever. Most people who follow politics seem to think that it is our National Security Advisor, Susan Rice who is considered combative and divisive as the person who needs a “mutual resignation,” but hey whatevs it’s just national security. How important are these decisions really ? This breaking news didn’t take long, so I may still have to watch Porsha. I’ll check back in a minute.

Please help me! My sleeves are tryna eat my pinhead!

Please help me! My sleeves are tryna eat my pinhead!

Tamar introduces Porsha as a southern Belle and then out comes Porsha doing the Nene Strut. Seriously? Does this chick just try to be someone else ever day?  First they have her “spin the heel” which apparently is a wheel full of embarrassing questions??? Hers is “What is the most ratchet thing you do?”  This is only an hour show and she only gets two segments so we cannot even begin to list them all. I think she should focus on the big things like dating fo dollahs, or preaching about gay folks and prostitutes being redeemable people who are below her despite being beard (allegedly) and an escort(allegedly) herself, and this “ensemble” as Tamar just called it could jump up there on the list as well. But no, Porsha says that the most ratchet thing she does is, “that I’m a twerkaholic.  Dayum girl, you can’t get any answers right can you? She gets up to demonstrate and all the other girls on the panel do it with her. They are all better.

They go straight for her dating life. Here is how Porsha describes getting passed around by her man and ultimately dumped, allegedly, according to reports I’ve read.  Porsha says sometimes she thinks she is in love and she wants to get married again “and then somebody will do something and I think, you know what? I’m just gonna do Porsha!”  Not only is she now talking like Nene she even threw in the finger snap. I’m serious.

Tamera asks if she has made up with Kenya after assaulting her last season. Porsha says, “You know what? I just feel like at that moment I gave a bully power. And  I vowed to never let that happen again, so this season if she say something I’m just like.. (tosses stiff fake hair over he shoulder and is unable to clear the giant sleeve).”

What is season 7 about? “This season I feel it’s about mending relationships or you know just trying to… it’s just a lot of soul-searching I think” Please click here for an example of how Porsha mends relationships.   The show a clip of Porsha talking about Cynthia being “one of those Instagram THOTs.” Porsha seems to have forgotten she spent all summer posting naked photos of herself in Instagram to sell fake hair.

The ask if it is hard to be on Dish Nation talking about gossip when there is so much out there about her. Porsha says they have a new segment called Porsha exposed and they guys pull up rumors about her on the Internet and she addresses them.

In the next segment they play a game called “Are You Smarter Than a Housewife?” Tamera and the Asian girl are hosting, and they further cripple Porsha by putting her with Tamar against the two other panelists. The first question is for Porsha. The category is history. The question, “The famous quote, four score and seven years ago was uttered by which famous president..” Porsha correctly answers Abe Lincoln and immediately I realize that they have coached Porsha on the questions. Tamar could not answer what is 10% of $48.50 ?  Porsha is asked in which US City is it illegal to tie a giraffe to a light pole? Porsha answers, “Florida.” I kid you not. Perhaps someone called out the Abe Lincoln answer. Tamera can’t help but point out Florida is not a city. Porsha’s team lost.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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WWHL With Kandi Burruss and Lisa Wu

WWHL Kandi and Lisa Wu

I’m not overly excited about this pairing but maybe we will get a feel for how things really are between Kandi and Phaedra. The Bartender tonight is Andy’s doorman who is featured heavily in his latest book, Surfin Percy. Andy refers to him as his “moral compass.” Kandi responds with “He’s your what compass?” Andy repeats himself and Kandi gives an “Oooohhh” the way one does when they have no idea what something means. Um, scary? Surfin Percy knows all of Andy’s dirt.

Andy asks how Kandi feels about Claudia. Kandi says she likes her a lot but she will read your ass. She reads like a queen! Andy pretends to be shocked. Andy asks if she can give him a preview, like who specifically does she end up reading. Kandi says she doesn’t want to say. I’ll say. It’s Nene Leakes. Claudia reads her for filth on the Puerto Rico trip. Probably why she didn’t want to go to the Phillipines. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Atlanta: All Tea, All Shade (Recap)

RHOA PHillipines2

I can’t wait for us to get to know Claudia Jordan tonight! First, Cynthia and Porsha talk about Cynthia’s party. Porsha throws shade right of the bat toward Cynthia saying she started out as little Nene and now she is baby Kenya. Porsha is so funny in these scenes talking  about Claudia. This is before she knew that Claudia was there to snatch her peach. Phaedra finally shows up to the pow wow with Porsha and Kandi. BTW, they are at some high-end bar in Atlanta and Phaedra and Porsha are dressed to the nines and Phaedra is in yoga pants and a tank top. Phaedra asks how Cynthia’s party was because she missed it. Nope, she was tipped off and kept right on driving after arriving at Bar One. Anyway, Kandi tells the story. Kandi tells Phaedra (and that other one)about Apollo lying about everything related to Kenya.

Phaedra acts SHOCKED! Shocked I tell you! She was 8 months pregnant at the time Apollo was telling her this and it just added to the stress. Now this puts her under more stress. Wow, Phaedra admits that she owes Kenya an apology. She doesn’t think Kenya is Mother Teresa but she is woman enough to have a conversation and apologize and move forward. I’ll believe that when I see it. Kandi says, “Not just you all of us.” The editing is shady and it looks like Porsha is agreeing. In her talking head Kandi says she feels bad for Kenya. Phaedra says, “Oh that’s terrible. Poor Kenya.”

Meanwhile Kenya and her aunt are at Lush Life landscaping. It’s a really pretty setting. Her aunt suggests she consider a cactus since she has a tendency to kill flowers. Her aunt is suggesting Kenya find forgiveness for all of them, especially Porsha. They flash to a montage of Porsha and Nene and Phaedra saying vile things about Kenya at the last reunion. Kenya is struggling to forgive. She says she would be willing if they were willing to reach out to her first. Her Aunt tries to coax Kenya to be the bigger person. Kenya dramatically spouts off some Shakespeare (Iago from Othello if you are interested.)   Continue reading

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Filed under Apollo Nida, Claudia Jordan, Cynthia Bailey, Demetria McKinney, Filming Real Housewives of Atlanta, Gregg Leakes, Kandi Burruss, Kenya Moore, NeNe Leakes, Peter Thomas, Phaedra Parks, Porsha Stewart, Real Housewives of Atlanta, RHOA, Todd Tucker

Exclusive! Nene Throws A Fit and Argues With RHOA Production

Gif by T.Kyle RealityTVGifs.tumblr.com

Gif by T.Kyle RealityTVGifs.tumblr.com

Why hello there fellow bloggers! Please don’t step on my exclusive and remember to use only excerpts and give proper credit. I’d had for you to catch Ebola for Christmas due to bad karma. It’s not a good time of year to upset the baby Jesus.

I was pretty sure that other than Nene’s Broadway debut filming for RHOA had already ended. But it seems like they decided to extend filming to include an event yesterday in Atlanta  at Frederick Douglass High School.  The event was to highlight the Save Our Sons program and Phaedra Parks was one of the members of a panel. Here is the official description of the even from their press release, ” The S.O.S. rally will include several panel discussions on topics of interest including supporting the development and learning of African-American males in metro Atlanta, the responsibilities of law enforcement officer and the rights of individuals, supporting those who are already in the criminal justice system and recommendations to optimize opportunities for African-American youth. The event will also feature special performances and a community resource fair.”

Here is where it gets interesting. I had a commenter who was at the event who reported it was being filmed. Not only was Phaedra there, but Kenya was there (um why? I thought Phaedra and Kenya remained mortal enemies this season.) as well as Nene (Um why? She is supposed to be in NYC.  According to Nene’s twitter timeline she hosted an event well into the wee hours of the morning yesterday. How could she have gotten there.?  So this morning after getting ahold of a Bravo source, I asked for confirmation of the commenters account. The source confirmed it in its entirety.  So as strange as it seems,  Phaedra, Nene and Kenya came face to face to face yesterday. Minor edit: Also in attendance were Claudia, Cynthia and Peter and Porsha.  That makes more sense. :) Kandi did NOT attend. Continue reading

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