How To Get Away With Murder: Kill Me, Kill Me, Kill Me (Recap)

HTGAWM You lied

This is not going to be a very good recap. I’ve watched the episode twice now. The first time there was so much sunlight in the room I could barely make out the night scenes. I’ve now watched it again and I am still confused. I eventually read another recap to get a sense of what happened. Here is the gist of it.

Annalise and Sam get in a terrible fight over pregnant tank girl. Sam knew she was pregnant. Annalise has threatened him that everyone who came in contact with her including her professors will be asked to submit DNA. Annalise goes in on him and calls him a liar and a cheat and basically anything she could throw at him. Sam begs for forgiveness at first.

Then, apparently because Annalise likes to fight dirty and wanted to hurt Sam she tell him she has been screwing Nate. She tells him intimate details. Describing the immense pleasure he brings her. This causes Sam to lose his ever-loving mind. He becomes violent. Throws the phone. He tries to strangle her as she taunts him to kill her. Then he leaves.

Everything has led up to pretty much all of the Keating Five and Rebecca converging on the house/law office. Michaela for some reason wants to return the statute of blind justice to the office after deciding stealing it from Asher was a dumb idea. Rebecca is there to carry out Nate’s mission to retrieve incriminating files from Sam’s laptop.  Wes, Laurel  and Connor are going to make sure nothing happens to Rebecca.

Michaela arrives first followed by Rebecca. Sam tries to throw Rebecca out but she races upstairs and locks herself in the bedroom where she retrieves the files. Michaela calls Wes and tells him to hurry. She goes upstairs as well. Finally, the other three arrive and Wes gets Rebecca to come out of the bedroom. Eventually, there is a melee at the top of the stairs. Sam has grabbed Laurel (why?) and Michaela jumps in to help her. In the midst of the fracas we are to believe that tiny Michaela threw a grown man over the balcony. He’s dead. It was Michaela who killed Sam. Now we know. Continue reading

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Filed under ABC, How To Get Away With Murder

PSA For Atlanta (And Probably Other States)

Ferguson riot

Just a heads up. Y’all know I have sources everywhere, but sometimes it sucks to even know. Apparently, in major cities in Georgia the entire State Patrol is being called in on Sunday for a five day period of on duty patrol. They will be protecting the capitol and other government sites in larger from idiots who want to act a fool. Once again a mob of idiots is going to make everyone who shares their skin color look like fools. The Grand Jury is expected to decide not to indict the cop in the Ferguson case. This is going to make fools who were not there and don’t know shit to riot and shoot people and get arrested.  As word has leaked that it seems that Mike Brown reached into the car and discharged the officers gun inside his vehicle, it’s rather obvious that the officer acted within his protocol to fire on Mike Brown.

So now,  ZERO State Patrol Officers will be home to enjoy Thanksgiving, more people will die a and black people will be stigmatized AGAIN because Mike Brown refused an order from a cop to get out of the street for his own protection and the safety of others. Instead, if initial reports are correct, he reached inside an officer’s car and discharged his gun leaving GSR on his hand. Continue reading

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Scandal Fall Finale Episode: “Where the Sun Don’t Shine” (Recap)

OH SHIT! LOOK WHO'S OUT OF THE HOLE!

OH SHIT! LOOK WHO’S OUT OF THE HOLE!

We last left the captiol, Poppa Pope had given up on his baby girl and high tailed it out of there to regroup somewhere. We begin with Olivia in her same white outfit and flat hair sitting holding her coat looking at her two men figure out what to do next. They have people looking everywhere. For some reason the go look in THE HOLE. Why would they look there. You think he would put his own ass in THE HOLE? No. No he would not. But not these fucktards have released Mama Pope on the population. Great work guys. Mama Pope thinks baby girl is going to save her, but she is not. She tells them to charge her mother and lock her up. Then hunt down her father and kill him. Olivia be dickmatized squared.

Meanwhile, Huck goes to check on Javi. His baby mamma is pissed and won’t let him in.

Joe Morton is still in the credits. YAY?!

Olivia finally answers her phone so that Quinn can tell her that Kuviac or whatever his name was and Elizabeth and the Vice-President were conspiring. Kuviac is dead and Elizabeth and the VP are screwing. Olivia just happens to run into Elizabeth as this conversation is going down. Elizabeth is pissed that the phone Olivia was supposed to clean from any bugs knows that her phone was bugged by Cyrus Beene. Elizabeth leaked Cyrus’ sex photos to the press. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of New Jersey: The Shit We Didn’t See Part Three Thousand

classy teresa RHONJ

Dear RHONJ,

Please lay down. You are dead. It’s over. Fine! Arrivederci!

Love Tamara Tattles.

Fine. I will pay attention to you ONE MORE TIME. But this is out last breakup conversation. Do you hear me? No more. I’m changing my number. At least there is a psychic. I always like a psychic. Unlike you ungrateful bitches.  Oh they are astrologers! We have a surplus of those here at Tamaratattles.com  I can envision the stupid comments already. We will be hearing about rising signs and retrogrades for sure. They are ASTROTwins. Amber just says she has been a “devote Catholic” for the last five years. That’s like five lentil seasons! At least Rosie is there. When she is the exciting addition, we’re in for trouble. The astrotwins read the twins charts first. They are Virgos and people should be careful not to cross them. Amber decides to compromise her “devote” beliefs in about ten seconds.  Did you have difficulty with an Aries? She doesn’t know what anyone’s sign is. Melissa is an Aries and Amber was an Aries in a past life…so …okay I can’t with this.

Tre is up next. Taurus with Gemini rising. She is here to learn how to be a provider in this life. The astrotwins tell Tre that she is going to feel the most stress in the beginning of 2015. That is when she is going to the big house! They even say Saturn will be in her legal house. They also say something about changing Joe’s legal team. Interesting. Teresa doesn’t know what a backbone is. The astrotwins say that they will have to spend some time apart but it will make them stronger. Tre is crying. So is Melissa. They say she will have to downsize a bit in 2015.

The twins take Dina lingerie shopping. So they go to Victoria’s Secret. No, wait. No they go to a dildo shop full of crotchless panties. Because, New Jersey. Continue reading

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Filed under Amber Marchese, Jacqueline Laurita, Jim Marchese, Joe Giudice, Joe Gorga, Kathy Wakile, Melissa Gorga, Natalie Napolitano, Real Housewives of New Jersey, RHONJ, Teresa Giudice, Teresa Napolitano

Jodi Arias Trial Update for 11/20

jodi arias 1120 Fonseca

Today is a magical day in Pheonix, Arizona.  Much like a whale watching trip, where you board the boat and get your cameras ready and hope to get lucky and find a whole pod of whales to delight in. Maybe you will see whales all day. Maybe you will just see a glimpse of what looked like it might have been a whale. Maybe you won’t see a whale at all and you got on the boat for nothing. The last time we had any progress at all in the Jodi Arias Sentencing  Trial was last Monday. And then it was suddenly halted and delayed until today. With tomorrow being bottomless Margarita Friday, there will be no court then. So, the best we can hope for this week is to make about nine hours of total weekly progress in the case.  Let’s see how it goes.

We begin in the traditional way with two or three sidebars, one very lengthy one before the jury is allowed in. Eventually the jury enters and poor, embattled Dr. Forseca takes the stand. Juan Martinez has not even started taking his whacks at her and she is already showing signs of wear and tear. She greets Nurmi as he thrusts a thick stack of IMs between Jodi and Travis Alexander at her. I am already going to predict more of the same.

In these messages, that occurred just a week before the Jodi killed him on May 26th 2008 ,  Travis is jealous of Jodi’s interaction on social media. There is a comment she made to someone name Danny that “makes her look like a cheap whore”, according to Travis. He suggests maybe she is “just moving on to the next dick.”  At this point she is in California and they are not “together” so I imagine she did move on to the next dick. They are fighting. Forseca says that Travis is abusive and debasing in this conversation. You don’t say. And your point is? Continue reading

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Andy Cohen Makes People’s Sexiest Man Alive List

Andy sexy

People magazine announced their Sexiest Man Alive for 2014 yesterday and the tiara went to Chris Hemsworth. But never fear, Andy Cohen made the list and it’s an honor just to be nominated or something!

Andy tells Bravo’s The Dish, “I am shocked and amazed they asked me to be in the mag, but then I realized it was because of my hot dog—and it made sense. I’m OK with that! Wacha deserves to be in there! “  Andy said the shoot was done in his apartment and it involved a crew of 15 people packing into the bedroom he shares with Wacha. He admits, “Despite what you may have heard, that was a record. It felt very not-hot trying to look hot in bed, but when Wacha fell asleep in my arms I knew they were getting something good.”

Andy was asked who would be on his sexiest man list of Bravo men. I found his choices quite interesting. Andy chose, “Derek (Fredrik Eklund’s husband), Hugh Acheson, Apollo Nida, Mauricio Umansky, and Kelley from Below Deck!”  He must be going by dick size or something. If Hugh Acheson showed up in a public space where I was, I’d leave. In fact that holds true for all of them except Derek. How the hell did Derek get lumped in with these sleazeballs?

Who would your top three sexiest men on Bravo be? (excluding Andy if he were an option). Continue reading

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American Horror Story: Freak Show Episode 7, Test of Strength (Precap)

AHS FREAK Dell Stanley top shot

By: Urethra Franklin

Warning Freaktards: MAJOR SPOILERS

WOW tonight’s episode of American Horror Story: Freak Show is going to be good & bad with violence, music, sex, and heartbreaking DEATH!  Really I should just STFU right now, but I need TT to loosen up my damn chain. #SorryNotSorry

Last week Jimmy showed up at the Mott mansion determined to find and rescue the Tattler twins. One thing for sure it will be a strange encounter for Jimmy, but it will also raise suspicions about Dandy.

It’s obvious from the episode trailer that twins return to the Freak Show. This means nothing but trouble for Elsa since her freaks are already looking at her with mistrust and some side eye. Will the twins tell everyone the truth about Elsa & their disappearance? Or do they use it as leverage against Elsa for blackmail? And take a guess which twin has some #BlondeAmbition.

Click through to find out!

Continue reading

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WWHL With Camille Grammer, Adrienne Maloof & Taylor Armstrong

WWHL Adrienne, Camille, Taylor

Really? Has it come to this? The thirst is real y’all. Y’all know I am obsessed with the seating order. For the record, Camille got first chair followed by Adrienne and then Taylor. The drinking word is Brandi. Let’s hope they say it zero times. The game was Hot Po-Titties where they had to try to say something nice about Brandi. It did not go well. Someone commented today in a post simply, “Ho Po-titties”  I was reading via email and was like, WTF? Now I get it. Brandi tweeted assuming we all care about her situation with these three. She said she is great with Camille, she’s working on it with Adrienne and she is indifferent to Taylor.

Click through for my assessment of the three. Continue reading

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Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Andy Cohen, Bravo, Bravo Andy, Camille Grammer, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Taylor Armstrong, Watch What Happens Live, WWHL

RHOBH Bravo Blog Roundup: A Friend’s Chart

Lisa I don't want to hear it

Gif: Realtytvgifs

In this weeks RHOBH Blog roundup, Brandi is upset that Lisa Vanderpump made up with everyone except her. Lisa Vanderpump is content with making up with everyone except Brandi. Yolanda is writing her blog from a clinic in Seoul, Korea where she is trying a new therapy for her Lyme disease. Lisa Rinna is all love and happiness in her blog. She talks a lot about her family and how important they are to her.  Let’s take a look at the friendships between Kyle, Lisa Vanderpump, Lisa Rinna , Yolanda and Brandi. Pay close attentions to Yolanda’s comment as it is very telling. Remember when I said Lisa Vanderpump didn’t seem to be feeling Yo on WWHL?

Lisa Vanderpump:

Kyle and I have always had a bond and many have tried to sever that, trying to divide and conquer. We have had a multitude of shenanigans and giggles late into the night, always sparring and enjoying each other’s company, but things have sometimes been more complicated and often resulted in many misunderstandings. Continue reading

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Don Lemon Gives Rape Victim Dick Sucking Advice

How the hell does Don Lemon still have a job? Whose dick is he sucking at CNN?

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Couples Therapy: Fighting Til The End (Finale Recap)

Couples Therapy New SeasonWe return for the finale to Jenna wigging out because she is going to Vegas to visit her mother’s grave for the first time.  Maybe the reason she couldn’t find it on her own is because it’s not in California? Jenna’s first reaction is that she never knew her birthday. That could also would have made it hard to find. Jenna starts spilling her heart out to her mother. She thanks her for watching over her all these years.  This season has been a bit of tear jerker season between Jenna, and Dick and Treach… Jenna says it is the beginning of a new chapter in her life.

Juan says he is much happier with Nikki now that they have been through therapy. He and Nikki lie in bed and he is telling her how happy he is. He says, “I feel hope.” She corrects him and says, “hopeful.” This is Nikki to a T. She isn’t hearing what he is saying, she’s just correcting his grammar unnecessarily. In her talking head, Nikki seems to think they have made a lot of progress.

Sadly Treach and Cicely have taken a giant step back

since the last time we saw them.  Apparently, someone related to Cicely has been staying in their house while they were gone. They bleeped a lot of it but from the gist of things, the person staying there has allowed some lowlife to stay there with her. Treach seems unfairly pissed at Cicely for this.  He is mad because Cicely found out yesterday and she is just now telling him. She didn’t tell him yesterday because his father was there and they had just gotten to a good place. Treach is losing his mind over this random chick being in his house. Cicely calls Dr. Jenn. Continue reading

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Premier (Recap)

RHobh Cast

I’m so excited. I am have a few technical issues but I am up and running with some twine and duct tape! I loved all the openings. I’m going to let you guys capture them for me in comments if you don’t mind because I know this is going to be a hard one to recap quickly. Thanks in advance!

Kyle is getting ready for the white party! YAY!  This year it comes first which is weird because no one can be disinvited at the door for being a litigious cuntsicle! #Taylor. I’ve seen this Justin guy before. Didn’t he help some housewives dress as drag queens or for the Gay Pride Parade or something? I’m not kidding. The White Party has gotten huge and now has a major budget. Kyle is still trying to push a reluctant Sophia into modeling. She is tall and gorgeous but she’s never liked modeling or being on the show.

Kyle claims she has not seen Lisa Vanderpump since the reunion. From here on out I will call Lisa Vanderpump  “Pump” and Lisa Rinna “Lisa.”

Brandi and Yolanda are going for a fitness walk. David plays the piano for us low lives. We are not worthy. Brandi is still up Yolanda’s butt. Which explains why Pump was cool towards her on WWHL. OMG. Yo has a swatter on her property who has set up a little beachside dress shop right on the highway/right of way for PCH. (wait for someone to correct me)  She asks if he knows she is on her property and he is laying back playing on his phone saying ” No Mon, I did not know.” lol. He’s so chill. Hell I thought they were going for a walk on the beach why are the out on the highway? They finally find the beach. Yo tries to explain to Brandi about being connected to the earth. She didn’t get it. Yo talks about Gigi’s success. She really has hit the big time. Brandi mentions she is homeless (AGAIN) and tries to move in. The house she is talking about moving in now, I think  she got tossed out of that too. Brandi starts trashing Pump. Yo tries to get Brandi to connect with nature again. It doesn’t work. Sad. Continue reading

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Filed under Adrienne Maloof, Brandi Glanville, Camille Grammer, David Foster, Dimitri Charalambopoulos, Eileen Davidson, Kim Richards, Kyle Richards, Lisa Rinna, Lisa Vanderpump, Mauricio Umansky, Mohamed Hadid, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, RHOBH, Taylor Armstrong, Yolanda Foster