I’m particularly retarded tonight. As in I am slow, lagging behind mentally, and just a mess, so this recap will likely be retarded as well, as in delayed. If you are offended by this please stop by the commenting rules on your way out. Thanks.
It’s time to play pass the Emily again. I do not understand this, don’t men normally like the mentally ill blond? Why are they shunning Sierra? It’s like Spring Break for adults, crew. You are not picking a wife here. Furthermore, I don’t think anyone ON PLANET EARTH is buying this shitty Ben and Emily storyline. It’s Sofa King ridic.
And then there is my Captain. I love Captain Lee and have never much care for Kelley but this storyline is making him look like kind of a dick. And not in the good way. This is a decent deck crew. But whatevs. Captain Lee gives him a mild bitching out.
Ben, again with the Aunt Jemima? Dude. Just say no to high fructose corn syrup if you are going to pretend to be some sort of culinary god at sea. That said, I would totally eat that. yum. I get the feeling the newbies are not as keyed into storyline as the others. But please write to the companies that sell things with HFCS and tell them to stop. The reason we have it is because for some reason our government subsides corn farmers. Now you would think that the government helping our farmers would be a good thing. But no. I challenge you to go one month with no HFCS in you diet this will eliminate all fast food, and pretty much everything else that is not a one ingredient food. Ketchup? nope. Things you don’t even think have it. HAVE IT. Because of our government. This is why when you travel the world other food tastes weird. Even meat. The more you know #RAINBOW.
I have such itchy travelers feet tonight. Must renew passport.
You may call it lazy blogging. I call it, a fun game we can all play together! Now stop being so shy and come play with us!
Southern Charm has been filming for several weeks without Kathryn Calhoun Dennis. Instead we have seen new girl Eliza Limehouse filming a lot. If you missed the explanation on why Kathryn is out and Eliza is in click here.
Tamara Tattles exclusive source has now told us that Kathryn has signed a contract.
This is great news!
Help me Jesus! I’ve got nearly three thousand words under my belt tonight alone from this misogynisitic horror that is Real Housewives of Orange County. And now, another half an hour of crap to be spewed from Tamra and Shannon! Mon Dieu! Il est trop lourd à porter! Such a heavy burden to carry! I will try to be brief.
Right off the bat Andy calls Shannon, Kelly during the intro. I can already tell everyone is drunk. Including me. I didn’t eat today. Andy gives the two twats an official couple name, “Shamra” and they are whooping it up while Andy continues to try to get through the cold open.
They threesome immediately starts talking about the recent reunion that just filmed. FTR it was the Cunts de Trois on the left couch and Vicki, Kelly and Meghan on the other couch. If the seating chart floating around the Internet was the one they used then Shannon was next to Andy on the couch of evil with Heather at the end. GASP! So wrong but so right. Vicki was to Andrew’s left with Meghan on the end to stay out of the line of fire. Tamra and Shannon say they thought it could have been so much worse. Tamra and Vicki have been exchanging subtle anonymous shade on IG ever since.
Tamra’s outfit is pretty. I am a huge fan of black and white. It would be a great outfit for a transgender to wear shortly after a tracheal shave. What? I’m just saying. The drummer from Quiet Riot is the bartender. Terry Dubrow’s brother was in that band so he actually watches. Shannon looks like a cow.
Cunt De Trois At Tamra’s Competition
In case you missed PART ONE THE BUS RIDE, you really need to read that first. Heather Dubrow got wasted, lost all her inhibitions and showed her true vile self on international TV. She was pure evil. We are now back on American soil. I wonder if they were allowed to fly first in that condition. They didn’t show the long flight home.
Shannon points at us and says, “Vicki, if your intention was to be cruel, mission accomplished.” Shannon is of course clueless that it was her relentless attempts to set up Kelly that continued to backfire on her and cause this entire shit storm. It all started at her Mrs. Roper party where her husband got aggressive with Vicki, while she was throwing Kelly to the lions. Totally Shannon’s fault.
Tamra drops by Shannon at her new house where presumably David hasn’t screwed or hit anyone yet to trash Vicki. These two masterminds can’t figure out why Eddie and David don’t care what Vicki said. They tell each other that Vicki is “making things up” because Vicki “thinks” they went after her man all last season. They did. They did a full blown investigation about Brooks. But that was okay because they felt they were right about him. So if Eddie is on TMZ next week in a compromising position with a guy, or a woman comes forward to say they’ve had an affair for years, or the police reports on David’s criminal history get posted all over creation again, then Vicki should be absolved as well.
I really can’t believe there is more, and supposedly even worse dram to come on this bus. Heather seems to think that there is something that Kelly can do at this point to justify the horrific, cunty, bullying from last week and that she will somehow come off looking much better this episode.
Nevertheless, we’re in this mess now, and we have to see how it ends I suppose. In other news, Tamra supposed leaked photos of Vicki’s boobs on to the Internet. They’re really not that wonky.
So we start with drunk Heather. We don’t see much drunk Heather on the show, but everyone except Kelly and Meghan are drunk as hell on this shuttle ride. Drunk Heather’s true elitist condescension is spewing out of her like water out of a fire hydrant as she calls Kelly trash over and over again. Vicki finally says, “Let’s be quiet. It’s three a.m.” It’s not much but it is something. In her confessional, Meghan says she wants to stand up for Kelly but she has no idea what has been happening because she’s been on her own sober, pregnant lady tour of Ireland blissfully unaware of most of it.
Once again, I am confused by the editing. Suddenly, Shannon pops off at Vicki and I guess blaming her for being Kelly’s friend. Then she says that Vicki said bad things about her too. Vicki says the only thing she said was she doesn’t like it when Kelly drinks and gets angry. Kelly points out she hasn’t had a thing to drink and I think sort of misunderstands Vicki and gets angry at her as well. So then she drops THE BIG SECRET VICKI HAD ON SHANNON. She says that Vicki said that David beats the shit out of her, and “it’s all out there!” Well of course it is all out there. We talked about it here. Shannon can deny it all she wants in her confessional but it was all in the tabloids and it is public record that David had a domestic violence charge against Shannon and at least one if not two DUIs. Heather jumps up goes toward Shannon with her bony ass finger jabbing the air and Shannon is crying hysterically yelling at Kelly. Vicki looks deflated because she knows it is true and she told Kelly.